By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Damian?

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1135

You deserved it

102

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Instadrama

Out of it

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By Anonymous

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1514

You deserved it

343

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By Labro9

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9454

You deserved it

652

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By Predator - 21/3/2021 18:30 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Such a healthy environment

Today, on my first full day on Marine Corps boot camp, my drill instructor pulled me and another kid in front of 200 other recruits to vote on who was uglier between the two of us. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By sonofaneuroticwench - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44547

You deserved it

3372

Favorite

By sleeping on the floor - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29570

You deserved it

4415

Favorite

By akosirm - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34246

You deserved it

13419

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39103

You deserved it

8988

Favorite

By Face - Australia

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15295

You deserved it

34689

Favorite

By coloring is not for me - United States

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22049

You deserved it

3744

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46285

You deserved it

5096

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27710

You deserved it

6616

Favorite

By mylifeisfcked - United States

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51682

You deserved it

4757

Favorite

By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39422

You deserved it

7448

Favorite

By annonymus - United States

Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "She's not THAT ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31264

You deserved it

2957

Favorite

By saya - 5/4/2021 20:00

Screamo

Today, my neighbor heard me scream and decided to call the cops because she thought I was being murdered. Nope, just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

693

You deserved it

188

Favorite

By Tbelle

Today, my brother texted me a picture of his "upcoming disconnect" notice for his utility bill and asked if I could loan him the money to pay it. All I could give him was a picture of my "disconnected" notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3454

You deserved it

417

Favorite

By screamer - United States - Paso Robles

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14889

You deserved it

38270

Favorite

By Crying

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4690

You deserved it

354

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27817

You deserved it

2999

Favorite

By Anonymous - Brazil - Campinas

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55660

You deserved it

4647

Favorite

By catwithwatermelononhead

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4118

You deserved it

287

Favorite

By bumpyroad - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55336

You deserved it

7613

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22238

You deserved it

1667

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14557

You deserved it

819

Favorite

By JoshuaRob - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23115

You deserved it

7998

Favorite

By dca101 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36413

You deserved it

2918

Favorite

By sadgirlhours - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

537

You deserved it

1741

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got a graphing calculator and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42487

You deserved it

4783

Favorite

By ubbernoob - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29229

You deserved it

142740

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Katy

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37838

You deserved it

18429

Favorite

By Katie - United States - Homewood

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25092

You deserved it

2083

Favorite

By frenchy - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

124660

You deserved it

9133

Favorite

By budgetboss - United States - Granbury

Today, I got a call that my custom order bridesmaid dress is at the apartment complex I just moved out of. They won’t give it to me because I’m no longer a resident, but they just thought I should know. The wedding’s tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4185

You deserved it

363

Favorite

By gotthewrongman - United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34431

You deserved it

3698

Favorite

By 27musiclover - United States

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48559

You deserved it

5129

Favorite

By KidJwal - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38423

You deserved it

6928

Favorite

By Completely Innocent - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30477

You deserved it

2807

Favorite

By /(•'_'•)\ - United States - Ballwin

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56762

You deserved it

3813

Favorite

By fatty - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37038

You deserved it

7385

Favorite

By blahblah - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16305

You deserved it

52889

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7843875 - Monday 16 September 2019 9:51

Perhaps you'd rather get stabbed by a certain natural Pencil? ;)

By Lora Wood | 10

#7844116 - Tuesday 17 September 2019 0:27

From a 7 year old?????

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7843875 - Monday 16 September 2019 9:51

Perhaps you'd rather get stabbed by a certain natural Pencil? ;)

Lora Wood | 10

#7844116 - Tuesday 17 September 2019 0:27

From a 7 year old?????

RichardPencil | 30

#7844153 - Tuesday 17 September 2019 4:47

No, that's not the certain pencil I was talking about.