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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25365) - you deserved it (6724)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother bitched me out for not finishing my laundry. I'm a 37-year-old mother of three. She rents my basement suite. FML

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

#5949212
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (6450)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by mandy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

#15702397
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (12507)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:01am - health - by FistFighter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

#18604645
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (6923)

On 12/25/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

#21433955
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25362) - you deserved it (1690)

On 06/29/2015 at 5:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

#14120407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (2740)

On 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by rattness (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (2580)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

#18095179
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25358) - you deserved it (2455)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:50am - misc - by -__- - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25358) - you deserved it (5720)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25356) - you deserved it (4618)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

#6141684
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (4981)

On 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by scaryhairy (woman) - United States (Florida)



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