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Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

#19989164
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25382) - you deserved it (8116)

On 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the doctor for the second time, because I've had a cough for about six weeks. In my first appointment, the nurse said it was just allergies and condescendingly gave me a brochure with a recipe for salt water. Turns out it's pneumonia. FML

#21491750
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (1536)

On 11/12/2015 at 4:21pm - health - by Nora (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

#14600676
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25379) - you deserved it (8329)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I'm so broke, I asked my parents if they'd pay for me to go to the eye doctor and consider it my Christmas present. FML

#20149436
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (2268)

On 11/05/2012 at 8:01pm - money - by EB - United States

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (4155)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

#6462833
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25375) - you deserved it (5913)

On 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm - misc - by jaeilssanguh - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

#13383156
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25374) - you deserved it (10502)

On 10/09/2010 at 8:47pm - health - by nikki (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

#21443788
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25374) - you deserved it (2934)

On 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (3140)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

#21433135
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (4385)

On 06/28/2015 at 3:17am - misc - by fat and broke - United States (Washington)

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

#18225907
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (2672)

On 11/12/2011 at 4:27am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML

#20032360
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (6034)

On 08/20/2012 at 6:06pm - health - by stupidbullcrêpe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

#20194899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (3301)

On 12/07/2012 at 7:39am - love - by First Kiss - Australia (Victoria)



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