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Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML

#20032360
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (6034)

On 08/20/2012 at 6:06pm - health - by stupidbullcrêpe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

#20194899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (3301)

On 12/07/2012 at 7:39am - love - by First Kiss - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

#20047754
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25370) - you deserved it (1580)

On 08/29/2012 at 11:01am - money - by drixxy - United States (California)

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

#18738819
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25369) - you deserved it (3083)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:50pm - kids - by ProudMama (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25367) - you deserved it (13581)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream I was on the toilet taking the longest piss known to man. Unfortunately, it was partially true. FML

Today, I woke up to all 4 of my wheels stolen from my car. The thieves were kind enough to leave the car resting on wooden blocks and bricks. FML

#14347909
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25366) - you deserved it (2342)

On 12/26/2010 at 6:36pm - misc - by JennieA -

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25364) - you deserved it (6724)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

#5949212
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (6450)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by mandy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

#15702397
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25362) - you deserved it (12506)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:01am - health - by FistFighter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (2580)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

#21433955
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (1690)

On 06/29/2015 at 5:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

#14120407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (2740)

On 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by rattness (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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