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Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

#5679809
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10886) - you deserved it (38349)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10884) - you deserved it (20953)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

#5942193
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (29632)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:26am - misc - by Kimberly - Sent from mobile version

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

#11364418
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (26689)

On 06/21/2010 at 8:27pm - love - by keisha89 (woman) - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10883) - you deserved it (47092)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

#17368765
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10877) - you deserved it (22351)

On 08/04/2011 at 4:49pm - work - by Donny - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10874) - you deserved it (42991)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

#479
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10873) - you deserved it (5131)

On 12/09/2008 at 8:50am - misc - by Heyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

#5579268
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (31342)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:58am - health - by Garrett (man) - United States (Oregon) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

#16624894
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10869) - you deserved it (51130)

On 06/12/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by El Stupido - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

#20528725
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10868) - you deserved it (66371)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:38pm - love - by douchegamer - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

#13139163
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10864) - you deserved it (14200)

On 09/21/2010 at 3:10am - kids - by themildthings (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

#3455804
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10859) - you deserved it (66296)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by capcha (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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