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Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

#20442057
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21875) - you deserved it (2204)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:12am - love - by Tiffosaur - United States

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

#20103865
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21873) - you deserved it (1526)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

#19343109
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21872) - you deserved it (1757)

On 03/25/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by LesToiliettes - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21872) - you deserved it (48751)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

#1104
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21866) - you deserved it (1945)

On 01/14/2009 at 9:26am - love - by beekie9 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

#20047754
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (1348)

On 08/29/2012 at 11:01am - money - by drixxy - United States (California)

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

#19990341
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21864) - you deserved it (2935)

On 07/29/2012 at 4:11am - kids - by ellieowenie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

#13123963
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (2677)

On 09/20/2010 at 2:13am - work - by sandra - United States

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (62121)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

#16411283
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21862) - you deserved it (48395)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (3601)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

#20073442
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (3539)

On 09/15/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by FullMonty (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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