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Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

#17621188
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (12117)

On 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

#2388
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (2247)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by sigh - United States (New York)

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

#20122351
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (1743)

On 10/18/2012 at 10:41am - animals - by Annonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

#21463299
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23845) - you deserved it (2109)

On 09/01/2015 at 7:07am - health - by Dehydrated - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

#8043963
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23844) - you deserved it (4950)

On 02/09/2010 at 4:49am - misc - by Brokenheartz - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

#19851648
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23844) - you deserved it (1672)

On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

#18765648
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23843) - you deserved it (3438)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by NJ <3 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

#19416403
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23842) - you deserved it (9721)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:10am - intimacy - by TJ - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

#20117850
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23842) - you deserved it (3830)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:10am - kids - by Reihna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23841) - you deserved it (3045)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23840) - you deserved it (6298)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

#19732110
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23840) - you deserved it (2512)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:02am - misc - by unacceptable (woman) - Australia

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

#21444253
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23840) - you deserved it (3454)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:02pm - health - by Bleach dat Blood (woman) -



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