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Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10946) - you deserved it (2474)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

#3083696
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10944) - you deserved it (53910)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by TBaggins00 (man) - United States (Illilois)

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

#3953472
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10943) - you deserved it (52515)

On 07/22/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

#1008
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10941) - you deserved it (8312)

On 01/12/2009 at 3:34pm - work - by Leaving Early Fail - United States (California)

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

#7029782
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10939) - you deserved it (32576)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10932) - you deserved it (54100)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

#98972
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10926) - you deserved it (65858)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

#5434150
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10924) - you deserved it (17372)

On 09/23/2009 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by seriouslystupid (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

#2993926
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10918) - you deserved it (41309)

On 06/18/2009 at 12:11pm - money - by JP (woman) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

#16374893
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10916) - you deserved it (55229)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10915) - you deserved it (1915)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

#20124147
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10913) - you deserved it (25391)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

#5223643
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10911) - you deserved it (38460)

On 09/13/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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