The Top

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By Anonyme - 04/01/2011 11:30 - Algeria

Today, my mom corrected all the spelling mistakes in my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 90

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 373

You deserved it 5 093

Neverending

By Covid3.0 - 12/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, despite getting all vaccinations and taking all precautions, I've tested positive for Covid. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 382

By nurse - 03/11/2010 12:08 - Reserved

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 5 467

By neige - 24/02/2009 00:29 - Sweden

Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only happen in the movies: if you slam the door, all the snow of the roof will fall on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 115

By chaos2007 - 13/05/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 324

You deserved it 5 131

The Fall

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 218

There's a time and a place

By JSF1234 - 11/05/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 277

You deserved it 3 545

Party hard

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 567

By 21! - 03/07/2012 01:53 - United States - Schenectady

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 414

You deserved it 6 854

By Yes - 24/11/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 495

You deserved it 3 391

By Bernadette - 28/06/2012 19:58

Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 174

You deserved it 30 643

Revelation time

By Anonymous - 21/11/2009 12:56 - Finland

Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 427

You deserved it 22 077

Get ready to ruuuuumble!

By lordoftheweird - 25/03/2022 02:00

Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 130

By ggbhghggg - 18/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 687

You deserved it 42 633

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said, "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 070

You deserved it 12 716

Ideas?

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 15:00

Today, my dad told me my pregnancy stretch marks were really bad and unsightly, and that I should probably do something about them, as though there was some miracle cure for them that I’m just too lazy to go and buy from the shops. If this gets published, I expect revenge ideas in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 209

By painedandpissed - 10/08/2014 16:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 146

You deserved it 7 183

By jnr1234 - 20/06/2012 02:15 - United States - Princeton

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 654

You deserved it 2 480

Good

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 450

You deserved it 38 275

By revenueempire - 09/12/2016 21:48

Today, a client says his new website design isn't what he expected at all and wants a full refund or else he will sue me in court. The design is exactly what he picked out when I presented the mock-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 339

You deserved it 522

By smurfpoo - 09/08/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 304

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 23:01 - Canada

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 516

You deserved it 47 222

Cobblers

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 14:00

Today, my husband is so antisocial that when our cul-de-sac held a street party, he threw a half empty Pepsi out of our bedroom window to make us stop playing music. It hit our local vicar. When I demanded he apologise, he just shouted, "Cobblers to the lot of you", and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 254

By Abrams52 - 28/05/2013 05:44 - United States - Fishers

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 694

You deserved it 35 896

Don't know much about history…

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 16:00

Today, my daughter actually asked me who Martin Luther king Jr was. This girl, this African American daughter of mine, with full access to the internet, who has completed a college education, doesn’t know who one of the most important black men in history is. I need to lie down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 1 028

The odds

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 16:11

Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 298

By Joe - 04/08/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 808

You deserved it 126 139

You tried

By abcdgaf - 10/04/2022 18:00

Today, I was told how cruel and selfish I am for rubbing my weight loss in my mom’s face. I’ve literally begged my mom to walk, jog, workout with me for months. She went exactly once. She complained the whole time, then called me a bitch for finishing my run while she sat in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 130

By Amelia - 23/06/2019 00:16

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 244

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The Top

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 328

You deserved it 1 453

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 315

You deserved it 7 596

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 836

You deserved it 6 213

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 959

You deserved it 2 372

Today, I ended up in the hospital by accidentally eating poisonous berries, from a plant that I've known since childhood to be poisonous, which I also recognized as belonging to the nightshade family. I still don’t understand what made them look tasty. Brain fart of the century, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 257

Today, a journal article I'd written was identified as an "AI-written" article, even though I've never used any AI tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 117