Transportation: Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 42

29/06/2013 22:19

Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband that she cheated on him with me. I'm scared to death and I don't dare to go out by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 888

You deserved it 4 486

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Dementia or hate? You decide

I blame the parents

31/10/2013 23:18

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 307

You deserved it 12 529

16/09/2011 05:15

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 866

You deserved it 9 741

22/04/2011 14:26

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 2 585

08/11/2012 15:52

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 2 243

13/06/2017 02:00

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 710

17/06/2015 12:14

Today, my pregnant girlfriend and I moved into our first home together, signing a 1-year lease. Less than 12 hours later, we've discovered that the place is infested with cockroaches and we have a mouse. The landlord won't let us out of the contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 5 228

28/08/2010 06:07

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 894

You deserved it 6 120

14/06/2012 22:51

Spicy

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 548

You deserved it 3 853

01/12/2011 03:11

Spicy

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 235

You deserved it 4 374

28/05/2014 14:21

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 002

You deserved it 6 119

20/06/2013 16:54

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 652

You deserved it 3 429

05/01/2010 00:29

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 745

You deserved it 21 561

03/08/2016 04:38

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 727

You deserved it 1 946

07/02/2017 06:00

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 993

You deserved it 2 529

26/05/2013 06:46

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 50 760

25/07/2009 16:39

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 114

You deserved it 28 605

02/04/2011 00:45

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 710

You deserved it 5 243

Great prank ideas #47

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 23:01

Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 139

27/03/2015 08:17

Today, I was told at my babysitting job that I can't bring my toddler with me. My employer is my best friend. Now I have to find a babysitter for my kid if I want to babysit hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 808

You deserved it 2 872

21/06/2015 10:16

Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 963

You deserved it 2 611

01/07/2015 13:35

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 634

You deserved it 2 752

02/03/2009 17:28

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 242

You deserved it 8 458

Totally? Really?

By honk honk, fuckwad - 06/11/2015 22:39

Spicy

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 5 931

03/07/2009 15:47

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 129

You deserved it 8 526

10/02/2011 05:31

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 4 643

26/11/2018 19:00

Today, my housemate's cat began meowing at 2:15am. After about 10 minutes of continuous caterwauling, it finally shut up. Almost immediately afterwards, a car with thumping bass music pulled up to idle in the street right outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 566

You deserved it 208

14/03/2010 00:27

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 420

You deserved it 2 873

18/07/2014 15:49

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 769

You deserved it 5 376

30/11/2010 03:08

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 6 973

Bum note

By Music Lover - 07/11/2020 05:01

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 136

19/07/2009 12:44

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 149

You deserved it 4 965

21/10/2011 14:55

Spicy

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 211

You deserved it 4 366

17/10/2015 21:32

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 511

You deserved it 1 630

26/12/2014 21:03

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 319

You deserved it 2 786

12/07/2019 02:00

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 1 801

12/11/2015 08:38

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 345

You deserved it 1 837

25/05/2009 19:45

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 195

You deserved it 40 081

17/03/2012 04:53

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 092

You deserved it 3 139

29/07/2009 20:26

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 668

You deserved it 23 450

03/09/2010 19:42

Spicy

Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 8 180

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Top comments

WeAreAHurricane 14

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:21

Why would that be a joke? People are so messed up sometimes.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:24

What the hell? Oh I'm cheating on you with my coworker, hahaha. I don't get it.

Comments

WeAreAHurricane 14

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:21

Why would that be a joke? People are so messed up sometimes.

Pwn17 25

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:49

Maybe he did something to piss her off? I don't know. It's more likely that she's just a shitty person.

Roskie 16

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Sunday 30 June 2013 12:43

But she doesn't exactly benefit from this.

Maycontainnuts 17

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Sunday 30 June 2013 13:41

Maybe she wanted to make him jealous - or just annoy him.

SkyGuy32 17

Monday 1 July 2013 6:10

Unless the co-worker was telling the truth. O_o I'm going to go ahead and say that I don't actually think that OP did that, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea…

PenguinBitch 43

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:22

She's the one who has to watch her back.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:23

Wow, lots of crazy people insisting they have a fling with people they really dont with lately.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 14:31

What the hell does my package have anything to do with?

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Sunday 30 June 2013 17:37

The FML about the girl who stalked the guy and convinced people they hooker up. I think she said Op had a small dick.

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Monday 1 July 2013 4:50

it wasn't that we didn't understand you, it was that you directed your comment at #4 instead of the OP. our FML overlords gave us a button to reply to the fml and a button to reply with to user comments, and were kind enough to put them no where near each other.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:24

What the hell? Oh I'm cheating on you with my coworker, hahaha. I don't get it.

SaxophoneHero 12

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Sunday 30 June 2013 18:28

I think the punch line is in the divorce papers.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 21:53

I don't get it either, but you don't bone someone else's spouse and not come terms with the possibility that you might get your ass handed to you.

Voij 16

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:25

Pretty sure she did that to somewhat "flirt" with you. Either that or she thinks you're so unattractive in every possible way that nobody could ever take that statement seriously.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:25

You should confront her husband and tell him that his wife is PSYCHO! Who would joke about something like that? I'm positive there's a reason behind the whole thing...

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:59

Yeah, as if the husband's gonna believe that! Op is in for some nasty ass-whoopin!

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Sunday 30 June 2013 12:05

Hopefully OP knows some Jiu Jitsu or Muay Thai

RedPillSucks 31

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Sunday 30 June 2013 19:44

or do a James Brown. "I may not know Karate, but I know Karazy!!!"

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:30

I'm just wondering if the reason he's afraid to go outside is it actually happened. It doesn't state in the FML that the cheating never took place

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:58

Have you not seen the many FMLs where people have been assaulted or their property destroyed over an affair they had no part of? OP has plenty reason to be afraid, especially since they are specifically named to target.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:30

Crazy bitches these days. Fantasizing about other relationships when they're married.

MzZombicidal 36

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Sunday 30 June 2013 13:01

To be fair, that's been happening since long before "these days."

FrankHotpants 31

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Sunday 30 June 2013 15:10

Any marriage councilor can tell you that it's normal to do that. Just because you say the words "I do" doesn't automatically mean your mind shuts off any and all thoughts of other men/women. Acting on such behavior is a different story.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 15:56

Tell me about it. My partner has feelings for his "only" friend.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 16:01

And he acted upon it. Once they act on their feelings and get rejected by that person, if you decide to forgive them, you constantly wonder if they still love you or they're just using you to fill the void in their lonely heart. Feelings suck.

MzZombicidal 36

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Sunday 30 June 2013 16:19

#40, while I'm very sorry that happened to you, having a constant worry in your relationship isn't healthy. You really shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel so insecure. Are you, perhaps, the one trying to fill a void in your heart?

MzZombicidal 36

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:30

So causing a ripple in her marriage is funny now? News to me. I hope you can have a talk with the husband over her stupidity, OP. That is, if it isn't true. If it is, FHisLife and YDI.

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:56

What in the actual fuck? That goes beyond just a morbid sense of humor!