This week's illustrated FML Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML By Alan Bramblelady's illustrated FML Let us introduce you to Bramblelady! 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share By soooglam / Thursday 12 November 2015 02:35 / France
By Alan Bramblelady's illustrated FML Let us introduce you to Bramblelady! 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tickyette - United States Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML I agree, your life sucks 32154 You deserved it 10321 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML I agree, your life sucks 14136 You deserved it 1492 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chubbs - United States - Vacaville Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 50062 You deserved it 3754 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fire_Princess16 Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML I agree, your life sucks 1769 You deserved it 3021 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alice5000 - France Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML I agree, your life sucks 17430 You deserved it 70033 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sanchez - United States Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 43355 You deserved it 2784 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 0h_Boy - 4/3/2020 18:00 Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1698 You deserved it 147 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By herestowaiting - United States - Detroit Today, I'm officially a week overdue. I went to the hospital, thinking I was in labor since I was in so much pain. Turns out it was just gas. The nurse couldn't hold back her look of pity as she told me this. FML I agree, your life sucks 13485 You deserved it 1103 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML I agree, your life sucks 55654 You deserved it 3759 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dinosaucer - United States Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML I agree, your life sucks 34155 You deserved it 3528 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lolilovemyboyfriend - United States Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 58776 You deserved it 18479 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By maddy - United States Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML I agree, your life sucks 13004 You deserved it 23702 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cyprianista - United States - Houston Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML I agree, your life sucks 36056 You deserved it 4395 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thalassophobic - United States Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black spot. Knowing that there were big crabs on the beach, I screamed. Everyone in the water heard including the lifeguards. It turns out it was just my shadow. FML I agree, your life sucks 10631 You deserved it 51756 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Brighton Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML I agree, your life sucks 44565 You deserved it 3995 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML I agree, your life sucks 41748 You deserved it 3646 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littlepsychgirl - United States Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML I agree, your life sucks 36383 You deserved it 2913 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - Canada Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of something I said 2 years ago, as a joke. I guess she took a while to get it. FML I agree, your life sucks 47083 You deserved it 8166 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Reasonable Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML I agree, your life sucks 58933 You deserved it 4370 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By single and hatless - United States - Wilmington Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML I agree, your life sucks 23301 You deserved it 2227 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sally - United States Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 8877 You deserved it 69157 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By phoenix101 Dad jokes Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 23941 You deserved it 66899 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my daughter asked me to take her to Victoria's Secret so I could buy her some "sexy clothes". She's 9. FML I agree, your life sucks 13682 Phew, glad it wasn't me 2637 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lilshoobydoo14 - United States Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML I agree, your life sucks 32311 You deserved it 4312 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Amber - 2/1/2021 02:01 Tell us more Today, after five years of being with my boyfriend, I found out that he is apparently very xenophobic. FML I agree, your life sucks 666 You deserved it 180 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By inappropes Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML I agree, your life sucks 3591 You deserved it 262 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadgirl - United States - Edmond Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML I agree, your life sucks 1767 You deserved it 159 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML I agree, your life sucks 29765 You deserved it 2650 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML I agree, your life sucks 26847 You deserved it 5806 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By not outdoorsy - 10/7/2020 14:02 The call of the wild Today, I haven’t been camping since I was a kid. I decided to give it another shot. I bought all the best equipment, researched all the great locations, planned a whole weekend. Turns out I still fucking hate camping and now I’m out over $400. FML I agree, your life sucks 534 You deserved it 2020 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Hong Kong - Central District Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML I agree, your life sucks 12707 You deserved it 851 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poomaster - United States Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML I agree, your life sucks 28712 You deserved it 5140 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihateoldmagazines - United States Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 29337 You deserved it 2845 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dale - Costa Rica Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 47398 You deserved it 4143 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hatemydentist - Canada - Toronto Today, it was the fourth time I've had major dental work done, because my dentist messed up my root canal. After almost a dozen needles, three missed work days, over $1,000, and 2 broken tools, I only have a tiny, barely-successful filling to show for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 34528 You deserved it 3299 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - France Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 32421 You deserved it 6563 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By loving grandaughter - United States Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML I agree, your life sucks 34831 You deserved it 2735 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Embarressed... - United Kingdom Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML I agree, your life sucks 44367 You deserved it 11276 319 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Exhausted - Iran Islamic Republic of Today, I was called an 'inconsiderate scum bucket' by my neighbour because I allowed my loud alarm to go on too long before silencing it. The only reason that I sleep through my alarm is because I have to wear earplugs as they have their TV on maximum volume until 4am. FML I agree, your life sucks 33787 You deserved it 2628 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Fetish Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML I agree, your life sucks 2349 You deserved it 250 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catwomam | 15 #6459640 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:00 You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much… Send a private message 379 4 Reply
By starlandmarie | 22 #6459647 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:02 Maybe your boss needs the birds and the bees talk. Send a private message 184 3 Reply
By catwomam | 15 #6459640 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:00 You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much… Send a private message 379 4 Reply
Reply higgysaurus | 18 #6459676 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:24 And then they give each other a big hug and 9 months later they have a baby. Send a private message 63 3 Reply
Reply beeferjay | 34 #6459788 - Thursday 12 November 2015 18:07 you never know, op could have used the turkey baster method...... Send a private message 26 4 Reply
By SAGARCo | 19 #6459641 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:00 Well you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much... Send a private message 41 11 Reply
By achoo123 | 13 #6459642 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:01 Did you tell them it happened gone usual way? Honestly though, congratulations on your baby! Send a private message 26 5 Reply
Reply achoo123 | 13 #6459652 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:02 The usual way* Send a private message 8 3 Reply
By StormfrontX33_fml | 24 #6459645 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:01 That's what happens when you dedicate your life to your job and not experience life itself. Send a private message 18 69 Reply
Reply Nilorak | 24 #6459753 - Thursday 12 November 2015 17:13 What? Send a private message 29 0 Reply
Reply bigred200 | 8 #6459771 - Thursday 12 November 2015 17:38 He's saying that OP's boss spent all his working and not experiencing the fun things in life like sex Send a private message 25 5 Reply
Reply beeferjay | 34 #6459790 - Thursday 12 November 2015 18:08 I highly doubt that... everyone knows the french with like 3.5 hours a week Send a private message 5 4 Reply
By jitterbug1503 | 12 #6459646 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:02 Yes congratulations on your baby let us know if it's a boy or a girl when you can! Send a private message 15 11 Reply
By starlandmarie | 22 #6459647 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:02 Maybe your boss needs the birds and the bees talk. Send a private message 184 3 Reply
Reply FitFriday | 32 #6461111 - Saturday 14 November 2015 6:17 My favorite version is the eel and the cave Send a private message 5 2 Reply
By justcommenting19 | 19 #6459649 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:02 Haha I bet he's embarrassed about it. He just got flustered. But congratulations on your pregnancy! :) Send a private message 21 5 Reply
By dont_touch_my_ca | 8 #6459650 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:02 Goddamn thats cold... or the dumbass needs to be sent back to sex ed. Send a private message 3 22 Reply
Reply MasterTron | 24 #6459710 - Thursday 12 November 2015 16:07 I'm thinking ops boss was just taken back and surprised by the news and was not trying to be rude about it. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
By randomgalzbo | 17 #6459654 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:04 Did you expect him to be so emotional he got a lump in his throat? Send a private message 14 1 Reply
By sirdannyboy1 | 20 #6459656 - Thursday 12 November 2015 15:05 "yeah sorry about that..." Send a private message 4 11 Reply
Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea.... I agree, your life sucks 789 You deserved it 115 8 Comments
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s... I agree, your life sucks 518 You deserved it 411 6 Comments