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By Beth - 28/04/2013 13:16 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 947

You deserved it 11 781

POLICE! OPEN UP!

By Obee - 14/04/2009 14:05 - Canada

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 362

You deserved it 27 544

By rj - 12/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Goddard

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 607

You deserved it 5 839

By anon13 - 12/04/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 618

You deserved it 94 959

By aireeahna - 09/06/2014 02:42 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I'm 5 weeks pregnant and just found out that my boyfriend has such a phobia of holding babies, that he's going to be the one most in need of a diaper change when I give birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 848

You deserved it 6 832

aireeahna tells us more.

aireeahna 23

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:16

Op here. So to start off I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. The issue never really came up over the years because we were never really around babies, he is really good with children so I just assumed that he was good with babies as well. When it did come up we were at his little brother's graduation party. I was holding a cousins newborn baby and asked him to hold him so that I could go to the bathroom but instead of taking the baby he backed away from me almost stumbling over his own feet because he was in such a hurry to get out of the situation. I asked his mother what his problem was and she just said that he has always been scared to hold babies since his brother was born. I have yet to tell him that we are expecting because our 5 year anniversary is at the end of this month and I wanted to tell him while we're on vacation. The baby is obviously unplanned but I don't regret getting pregnant and I'm sure that my boyfriend will be just as happy as I am with the news. The only other person who knows right now is my best friend who is due in September and she is going to let him practice hold the baby so that he'll be more comfortable but until then I think we'll stick to dolls and toddlers :p

By outofajob - 08/07/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, after not receiving my paycheck for over a month, I confronted my boss about it. His response? "You still work here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 777

You deserved it 3 898

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 20:07 - Canada

Today, my dad hurt his back. He went to a physical therapist who gave him some exercises to do. I have to watch him lie on his back and air hump while groaning every hour on the hour for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 4 606

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 211

You deserved it 3 589

Cheer up sleepy dreams

By dead - 31/03/2021 23:00

Today, it’s been 6 months at my job and I still can’t get used to the morning shift. Even with a changed diet, exercise, meditation, and no caffeine after noon, I'm averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. My body will always choose sleep deprivation over falling asleep at a reasonable time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 152

Independence day

By independence - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents' house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 758

You deserved it 3 621

Delusional

By fmlifetime - 24/10/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 652

You deserved it 14 912

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 351

You deserved it 35 665

By danam - 05/07/2011 02:38 - Canada

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 258

You deserved it 4 336

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 245

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 440

You deserved it 6 207

By Rayvyn - 21/10/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 895

You deserved it 7 376

By Reno - 15/04/2013 16:25 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 695

You deserved it 8 980

Little tease

By pickles! - 03/06/2022 14:00

Today, I was at a friend's house teasing her with a pickle. She hates them so I thought it would be funny to pretend to deep throat it. Her dad came in and startled me so bad, I inhaled it. She had to call 911 while he performed the Heimlich maneuver. I’m no longer welcome back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 1 351

Abort test! Abort test!

By Lindsey - 24/05/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 270

You deserved it 20 845

Keep out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 13:57

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 119

Condolences

By Anonymous - 13/04/2013 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 18 449

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 07:10 - Indonesia

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 827

You deserved it 3 409

By presidont - 18/10/2009 12:25 - Switzerland

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 627

You deserved it 51 662

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 18:01 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 689

You deserved it 3 170

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 111

So brave…

By just say you want to leave! - 02/10/2023 16:00

Today, I got a bouquet of beautiful flowers from someone I'd never heard of. My boyfriend flipped his shit and stormed out, calling me a cheater. I called the flower shop. Turns out he made a fake order, just so he could accuse me of cheating and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 103

By sighoutloud - 16/10/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 016

You deserved it 3 848

Guinea pig

By Troy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I filled out a political survey for a psychology experiment. A really cute girl was doing it, too. We hit it off and flirted through the surveys, and I asked her out when it was done. Then I found out it was really an attraction experiment and she was in on it. She was acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 331

You deserved it 7 931

Investing in the future

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 184

By aaaaahhhh - 06/04/2013 08:51 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 865

You deserved it 7 544

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The Top

Today, I noticed that whenever I don't give the homeless guy around the corner some money, my side mirrors get stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 2 997

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 54

Today, I had a massive sneeze while driving. It was so strong that I swerved and accidentally hit the horn, startling the person crossing the street. They dropped their coffee all over themselves and their phone. I ended up giving them cash for a new phone out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 270

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 964

You deserved it 1 710

Today, it's been over 3 months since I've had a day off. I suppose that's what happens when you run someone else's business, run your own business, and have a child. I make $410 a week. Rent is $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 199

Today, my mother-in-law keeps making fun of how I've "never seen any cool movies." I grew up in severe social isolation/constant physical abuse, and have memory loss from age 13 and below as a result. I've seen them, I just can't remember them, but she refuses to believe it, so I'll never hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 107