Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/6/2011 21:14 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

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Family values

Mixed signals

What did I do?

By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

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By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

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By Afroman720 - 27/7/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

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By Hayls5 - 4/7/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 03:34 - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

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By spitt - 13/5/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

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By Monika - 5/5/2011 21:04 - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

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By 4fucksake - 18/7/2010 23:26 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

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By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

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By badmom - 2/8/2020 02:02

Zoom this, bitches!

Today, my younger son was doing a Zoom meeting for his upcoming school orientation. I tried to hold it in, but I stepped away for a moment to run to the restroom. My older son thought it’d be a hilarious "prank" to moon the camera. School hasn’t even started and we're already the "problem family". FML

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By chaos2007 - 13/5/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

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By ashamed - 14/12/2014 02:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

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By Hailey Antone - 10/9/2011 19:01 - United States

Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 21:06 - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

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By eternal - 24/6/2019 18:00

Today, while at the drive-thru at Sonic, they told me they were out of mozzarella sticks. I shed actual tears. I’m not even pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

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By Fuck - 25/2/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

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By condom_kid - 27/7/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 14:53 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

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By Thanh Quang - 31/1/2011 05:58

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

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By Maddy - 10/3/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

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By sleepingonmydesk - 29/6/2015 09:28 - United Kingdom - Longfield

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

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By why me - 29/6/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 19:11 - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

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By thickly - 19/9/2016 17:31 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

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By Ugh... - 20/7/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

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By shaggy - 30/8/2009 21:26 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

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By ashleyevans - 4/4/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

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By nature - 25/9/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 10:13 - United States

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails at the table, in a restaurant on a first date. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

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By elcee1987 - 6/10/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

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By surfergal91 - 14/2/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

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By Posty - 18/5/2009 18:38 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

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By Harry - 10/6/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 04:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

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By Hopper - 3/12/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I was the only carhop at work for the last 2 hours. In that time, I waited on about 50 cars. I make server pay so I depend on tips, but none of them tipped me even a penny. I averaged under $3 an hour tonight. FML

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By livinproof - 10/12/2018 13:30

Today, not only did my horse step on my foot & refuse to move, he also took the opportunity to crap on my other foot while I was incapable of moving. FML

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By sadface - 18/8/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, I finally got over the knee injury that has been holding back my military application for 6 months. They sent me to the optometrist, who said my eyes were too bad for service. FML

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Top comments

By volley4eva1698 | 0

#2705022 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:13

forever alone

By thehoneybadger | 10

#2705084 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:19

Maybe they all went to an official graduating class party nobody told you about. It's everyone else's graduation day too, you know.

COMMENTS

By volley4eva1698 | 0

#2705022 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:13

forever alone

Reply

kyanisaurus | 0

#2705095 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:19

this reminds me of Casper

Reply

xxAlli | 0

#2705118 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:21

That's not always true.. people could show up late? FYL, though.

Reply

pertained | 12

#2705124 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:21

this is what happens when you invite people through the internet, they weren't asked specifically so they felt it was easy to flake out. oh well.

Reply

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2705132 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:22

15- 2 hours late? ...no

Reply

obnum | 19

#2705329 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:54

awww that sucks. maybe they forgot... but that still sucks fyl

Reply

laydee | 0

#2705338 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:56

aww myy

Reply

FlipInBrosky | 4

#2705496 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:30

-18 No! 2 hours...fashionably late

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#2705722 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:17

maybe they got lost?

Reply

xcalabrese3x | 6

#2705811 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:34

maybe u put the wrong date? or time?

Reply

cbhockey | 5

#2706102 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:38

Haha thats what you get for being a stupid fucking canadien. And by the way tell the vancouver canucks (Roberto Lulongo) that the bruins said thank you.

Reply

TheSvoloch | 5

#2706151 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:46

80: The Bruins had more Canadian players than Vancouver, and that's why they won. I will thank Luongo for denying his mostly American teammates a moment with the Stanley Cup.

By the way, your English teacher would be disappointed with your comment.

Reply

zendaddy0 | 0

#2706155 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:46

is it possible that everyone broke their necks in a car crash and are in the hospital?

Reply

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2706395 - Saturday 18 June 2011 5:22

Maybe they thought you meant AM, instead of PM, you big party animal, you!

FYL

Reply

JennaMason | 6

#2706640 - Saturday 18 June 2011 5:37

she never said she invited them over the Internet.

Reply

MyChemical_fml | 0

#2708785 - Saturday 18 June 2011 15:49

Nice cleavage, feel better now that you know you gave mean hard-on?

Reply

baseballstuf52 | 0

#2715257 - Sunday 19 June 2011 11:38

98- nice boobs. oh and by the way when you put the letter "i" in a possessive form you should capitalize it.

Reply

melchibr_fml | 0

#2717861 - Sunday 19 June 2011 21:59

98- your hot!

Reply

MeBeYourFriend | 0

#2719679 - Monday 20 June 2011 3:11

He probably just sent out a text putting the wrong date. Stupid touch keyboards an there misexts.

Reply

SAMMILLER098 | 2

#3785161 - Sunday 25 December 2011 6:38

Fashionably late?

By Jimmyd0t | 0

#2705031 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

CareFace | 16

#2705871 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:46

Like, for real?

Reply

loveluanlegacy | 0

#2705991 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:10

very nice buddy -.-

By moosemonkey1000 | 6

#2705049 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Saltime | 0

#2705205 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:30

As said by one with a childish Cookie Monster picture.

Reply

BossDavyy | 0

#2705368 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:01

Hey the cookie monster is awesome!

Reply

xgirlofglassx | 4

#2705462 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:22

Not necessarily. Haven't you heard that 'Attending' means maybe, 'Maybe' is a polite no, and 'Not attending' means LOL NOOOOOO!

Reply

XxHunterHavocxX | 0

#2706141 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:44

Don't diss the cookie monster ! That's just wrong...

By bebo5500 | 0

#2705052 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:16

thats sucks =/

Reply

AriTheAirhead | 10

#2706130 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:42

I wonder if you told all of them the wrong address... :(

Reply

hahafylop | 4

#2707019 - Saturday 18 June 2011 6:18

82 I thought the same.

By MAMA_LLAMA | 0

#2705059 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

penis

By textwork | 4

#2705069 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

what flakes

Reply

epicwinmaster | 0

#2705557 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:41

what is this i dont even

Reply

xxsarahfxx | 6

#2705621 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:58

Frosted Flakes(:

Reply

Saltime | 0

#2707177 - Saturday 18 June 2011 6:40

Wheat flakes?

Reply

YayorNay | 8

#2707280 - Saturday 18 June 2011 6:54

Skin flakes

Reply

HappyCynic | 0

#2707463 - Saturday 18 June 2011 7:28

snow flakes!

Reply

meggieh815 | 0

#2707537 - Saturday 18 June 2011 7:43

you guys are all flakes. :)

Reply

MizzErikaHart | 8

#2707753 - Saturday 18 June 2011 8:44

corn flakes

Reply

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2709175 - Saturday 18 June 2011 16:56

C-C-C-Combo meal at Mc Donalds.

By rachhmoo | 0

#2705070 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

awe I'm sorry:(

Reply

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#2711722 - Saturday 18 June 2011 23:20

don't be sorry... he has all the booze to himself

By rtellez06 | 0

#2705074 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

usually all my parties are late. last party I had over 150 people came over 3 hours late. you also have to realize people spend the first few hours with their families

Reply

BWill9014 | 4

#2705581 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:45

What?... what kind of parties are you throwing

Reply

KTMnutJOB | 0

#2705650 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:04

bad ones

Reply

omg_a_BALLOON | 0

#2706059 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:26

what kind of party? a sausage party?

Reply

Monkeybuzz92 | 15

#2713838 - Sunday 19 June 2011 6:31

That is so wrong. because maybe they just got stood up!

By thehoneybadger | 10

#2705084 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:19

Maybe they all went to an official graduating class party nobody told you about. It's everyone else's graduation day too, you know.

Reply

OceanBreathesSal | 5

#2705679 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:11

that's why you don't plan a graduation party exactly on graduation night, seniors at my school usually have them up to a week after graduation.

By aardvarkish | 15

#2705086 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:19

Happy graduation to me....