Work: Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work...

By Shitty Boss Shitty Job - 15/06/2013 05:41 - United States - Davenport

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 931

You deserved it 6 546

Work

The smell detective is on the case

BO Central

Need warmth

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 738

You deserved it 40 795

By Sissyleemae - 16/09/2018 14:30

Today, I got fired from my job for stopping a shoplifter. Where's the logic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 23:43 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 701

You deserved it 6 738

Generational trauma

By Laren - 24/09/2021 23:00

Today, I discovered my 17 year-old daughter has an eating disorder. When I confronted her, she confessed that she’s doing it because she wants to stay thin, so that her boyfriend doesn’t dump her like her father dumped me for not being thin enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 113

By Nick - 26/01/2010 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 702

You deserved it 18 093

By thatsjustlovely - 01/01/2010 08:16 - United States

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 581

You deserved it 36 854

By justme - 09/02/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 557

You deserved it 5 156

By Vahootie - 03/03/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 792

You deserved it 4 041

By qtpieo1 - 13/08/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 431

You deserved it 9 707

By deflated - 09/08/2009 16:54 - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 59 302

By ForeverAlone - 06/03/2013 22:28 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 854

You deserved it 2 789

By IndianAngel96 - 29/10/2012 22:39 - United States - Houston

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 477

You deserved it 17 328

By iheartkanye - 30/06/2019 20:01

Today, my little sister was rhyming words with "truck." When she came to "fuck", I told her never to say that word again because it was bad. She ran around the house screaming it. I'm in trouble for being "a bad influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 203

Brave

By :// - 04/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 373

You deserved it 5 829

By still had to pay - 23/12/2012 21:36 - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 471

You deserved it 6 244

By Fatlady43 - 19/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 188

You deserved it 6 483

Relativity

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 17:01

Today, I found out my husband of 8 years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 195

Not a sponsored post, honest

By Superwoman678 - 27/10/2020 05:01 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 750

Hip cats

By :(( - 24/06/2012 21:45 - United States - Montevideo

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 031

You deserved it 50 877

Armed and not dangerous

By littledonny - 12/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to school wearing the same jacket I had gone hiking in the previous day. When I found out that I had left my 2" pocket knife in the pocket I immediately turned it in to the front office. They promptly had me arrested for bringing a weapon on campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 944

You deserved it 1 263

By Anonymous - 20/12/2015 10:19 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, after quitting my job to take a very attractive position with a competitor, I was told the position was no longer being offered. I'm now on my way to file for unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 492

You deserved it 4 259

Sophie's Choice

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 04:01

Today, my love life comes down to a choice in loneliness: I can either be alone, because I never meet anyone these days, let alone an interesting guy. Or, I can go back to my ex, who I left because he made me feel alone while sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 136

By Hungryman - 15/01/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 302

You deserved it 8 231

By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 499

You deserved it 5 280

By hatemyboss - 13/04/2012 00:37 - United States - Alameda

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 094

You deserved it 6 809

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick: granola for breakfast, salad for lunch and gym after work. I was so proud of myself until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 1 630

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 00:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 832

You deserved it 2 967

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 510

You deserved it 5 078

By wtfbabe - 22/06/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 611

You deserved it 538

Some friend

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 02:02

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 1 418

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 2 822

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 968

You deserved it 4 907

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 027

You deserved it 5 851

By Anonymous - 24/09/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 393

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 20:08 - United States - Clarksville

Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 254

You deserved it 2 978

By blind - 29/01/2011 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 30 414

By AtLeastIGetOvertime - 02/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my supervisor if I could take a week off next month to go visit family. He laughed and said, "That's funny, I've put you down for extra time that week, so you can cover my shifts while I go to Spain!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 161

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 808

You deserved it 10 580

Sticky

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 981

You deserved it 27 619

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 809

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Top comments

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:47

Well, at least it's an extra days's pay.

icadragoon 11

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:49

I'd go in, you're up anyway. Use the extra money you'll make to treat yourself on your next day off.

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:47

Well, at least it's an extra days's pay.

KeXu 6

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:54

And an extra day of work

Doxy 22

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Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

Am I the only one who expects an FML where Op tells us all about how he worked on his day off and the boss didn't pay him seeing as it was his day off?

boredSOLDIER 33

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Saturday 15 June 2013 18:21

Not unless OP is on salary

grahmagog 14

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:48

Call in sick quick...

firefighter925 18

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:52

Yea like that's gonna work

Welshite 39

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Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

OP: *coughs* Boss, I'm sick. I can't work today. I came down with something. Boss: You were fine earlier. OP: Things happen in an hour.

IronMan3758 4

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:49

Well sir I believe you should find a better job

LeFrogDog 27

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:54

I think you need a better comment

DeidaraAkatsuki 17

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Saturday 15 June 2013 16:09

Because it's soooo easy to find a better job, right?

icadragoon 11

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:49

I'd go in, you're up anyway. Use the extra money you'll make to treat yourself on your next day off.

Enslaved 36

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Saturday 15 June 2013 17:37

I really like your way of thinking. (: I'd work an extra day and put it towards a nice dinner out or a pedicure and of course, the wasted gas I used to get to work the first time.

Aspen_Grace33 27

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:50

I think you might need a calendar and he might need to learn common courtesy. If your boss wanted you to stay, they should have asked you while you were still there or at least before you made it all the way back home!!!

dodzin 9

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Sunday 16 June 2013 3:04

I had similar situation at my office. An office manager who is 10 years younger did not let me know if I am Off or not and, when I came, yelled at me for coming.

KidTajic 13

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:52

Just like when I wake up for school. Only to find out school has been cancel. -.-

Enslaved 36

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Saturday 15 June 2013 17:47

Except when they cancel the cancel and you now have to go to school. :P To me, waking up to find out school is canceled has never been a bad thing. Why sleep when it's a free day? (: Time to fill it with some fun!

AHappyGoth 14

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:53

Welcome to retail.

mattrd_fml 31

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Saturday 15 June 2013 15:57

shouldn't have picked up the if you saw it was your boss calling.

CrissyyyS2 22

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Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

Might as well, right? Just another day to get paid for. Make some extra money for that gas you wasted to go back and forth.

perdix 29

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Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

"You up?" Next time you have a day off, get your head out of your ass and use it to have fun. We get way too few of those, and I have little sympathy for boneheads who don't use them.