Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work...

By Shitty Boss Shitty Job - 15/6/2013 05:41 - United States - Davenport

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

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Work

Toxic parents

Breaking Badly

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 3/5/2012 21:17 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

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By Arielle - 31/1/2012 11:07 - Australia

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

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By Anto - 3/12/2008 06:11 - France

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

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By iailwkrb - 26/2/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

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By Amy - 6/3/2020 07:00

Adapt, overcome, improvise

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

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By amy - 30/6/2018 19:00

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

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By day001313 - 7/4/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

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By dinosaurman - 7/10/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I was fired from the trucking company I work for, due to numerous complaints about my reckless driving. I don't even do driving work there, but my ex keeps calling in to report me, and my boss wanted the calls to stop. FML

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By Goobie - 15/1/2010 07:24 - United States

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

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By Poorfish - 17/3/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2020 14:00

My husband's passion

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that, he was playing with the cat again. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 21:39 - United States - Salinas

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

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By dammitall - 15/5/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

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By RoyallyGrossedOut - 19/6/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML

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By Roy Lawson - 26/6/2014 00:19 - United States - Brea

Today, I had to bite the bullet and finally buy maternity pants. Problem is, I'm not pregnant and I'm a 25-year-old man. FML

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By PangolinScholar - 25/1/2014 00:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

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By SaucierGirl - 12/8/2018 03:30

Today, I was told that since I've had only three or four periods since 2013, there's 60 periods worth of blood clotted in my uterus. They gave me medicine to make it all come out in one week. FML

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By itwasajoke - 25/12/2016 21:23

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2011 01:27 - United States

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 22:31 - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

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By whyyjustwhy - 9/8/2013 17:23 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

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By happybirthday - 6/3/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

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By great idea - 11/4/2013 00:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

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By ButImBeautiful - 4/2/2017 02:00 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

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By tkghan - 2/8/2013 14:53 - United States - Concord

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

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By jordy1995 - 16/7/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

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By Topher - 25/8/2011 10:16 - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

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By almostkilledmyself - 29/12/2012 07:30 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

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By Haze - 24/11/2015 03:25 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

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By Janice - 7/11/2011 05:12 - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 02:07

Father material

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

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By lol - 25/1/2012 15:54 - Canada

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

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By kaydebug - 15/8/2018 03:30

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

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By mommy_issues - 29/8/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

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By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2014 07:51

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

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Top comments

By _DudeGuy_ | 16

#5536035 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:47

Well, at least it's an extra days's pay.

By icadragoon | 11

#5536040 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:49

I'd go in, you're up anyway. Use the extra money you'll make to treat yourself on your next day off.

COMMENTS

By _DudeGuy_ | 16

#5536035 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:47

Well, at least it's an extra days's pay.

KeXu | 6

#5536054 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:54

And an extra day of work

Doxy | 22

#5536071 - Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

Am I the only one who expects an FML where Op tells us all about how he worked on his day off and the boss didn't pay him seeing as it was his day off?

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5536252 - Saturday 15 June 2013 18:21

Not unless OP is on salary

By grahmagog | 14

#5536037 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:48

Call in sick quick...

firefighter925 | 18

#5536047 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:52

Yea like that's gonna work

Welshite | 39

#5536070 - Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

OP: *coughs* Boss, I'm sick. I can't work today. I came down with something.
Boss: You were fine earlier.
OP: Things happen in an hour.

By IronMan3758 | 4

#5536039 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:49

Well sir I believe you should find a better job

LeFrogDog | 27

#5536055 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:54

I think you need a better comment

DeidaraAkatsuki | 17

#5536085 - Saturday 15 June 2013 16:09

Because it's soooo easy to find a better job, right?

By icadragoon | 11

#5536040 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:49

I'd go in, you're up anyway. Use the extra money you'll make to treat yourself on your next day off.

Enslaved | 36

#5536199 - Saturday 15 June 2013 17:37

I really like your way of thinking. (:
I'd work an extra day and put it towards a nice dinner out or a pedicure and of course, the wasted gas I used to get to work the first time.

By Aspen_Grace33 | 27

#5536042 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:50

I think you might need a calendar and he might need to learn common courtesy. If your boss wanted you to stay, they should have asked you while you were still there or at least before you made it all the way back home!!!

dodzin | 9

#5536766 - Sunday 16 June 2013 3:04

I had similar situation at my office. An office manager who is 10 years younger did not let me know if I am
Off or not and, when I came, yelled at me for coming.

By KidTajic | 13

#5536046 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:52

Just like when I wake up for school. Only to find out school has been cancel. -.-

Enslaved | 36

#5536210 - Saturday 15 June 2013 17:47

Except when they cancel the cancel and you now have to go to school. :P

To me, waking up to find out school is canceled has never been a bad thing. Why sleep when it's a free day? (: Time to fill it with some fun!

By AHappyGoth | 14

#5536050 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:53

Welcome to retail.

By mattrd_fml | 31

#5536064 - Saturday 15 June 2013 15:57

shouldn't have picked up the if you saw it was your boss calling.

By CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5536067 - Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

Might as well, right? Just another day to get paid for. Make some extra money for that gas you wasted to go back and forth.

By perdix | 29

#5536068 - Saturday 15 June 2013 16:00

"You up?"

Next time you have a day off, get your head out of your ass and use it to have fun. We get way too few of those, and I have little sympathy for boneheads who don't use them.

girlbye23 | 15

#5536276 - Saturday 15 June 2013 18:48

Except some people would rather sleep, especially if they don't get a lot of it when they're working. I for one would sleep half the day.