The Top

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By Sexylarry - 03/09/2010 19:42 - France

Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 659

You deserved it 8 239

By FMarinasL - 30/06/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 077

You deserved it 4 441

By FunTimes - 19/08/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 130

By sothishappened - 20/05/2014 09:54 - United States - Joliet

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 792

You deserved it 8 809

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 02:00

Today, I learned something new. I knew that ripening apples release some kind of gas that affects other fruit. But I learned that apparently, it can also affect living plants. Meaning that if you keep a windfall of apples in the same room as a potted rose, the rose will die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 246

Freeloading Black Mirror

By imnotcrying - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I signed into the Netflix account that I pay for, only to see that my ex had added a new profile for his new girlfriend. We’ve only been separated for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 416

So brave…

By just say you want to leave! - 02/10/2023 16:00

Today, I got a bouquet of beautiful flowers from someone I'd never heard of. My boyfriend flipped his shit and stormed out, calling me a cheater. I called the flower shop. Turns out he made a fake order, just so he could accuse me of cheating and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 103

By crazyk2468 - 26/04/2012 17:29 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 2 581

By JacktheRussian - 08/04/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 968

You deserved it 42 474

By Gone With the Wind - 12/05/2014 03:29 - United States - Omaha

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 710

You deserved it 4 881

Weewooweewoo

By hatemyjob - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 321

You deserved it 4 173

How very dare you?

By minnEmouse - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 111

You deserved it 3 317

By Anonymous - 31/08/2019 18:01

Today, I got a haircut. During dinner, my grandmother complained about it, and said I looked terrible. I've had the exact same haircut for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 147

By shylahrc - 03/05/2014 23:51 - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 198

You deserved it 3 539

By zappy - 11/10/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 726

You deserved it 119 096

By jane - 09/10/2009 14:04 - Australia

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 464

You deserved it 11 503

By hatelife - 14/06/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 384

You deserved it 5 161

Cheers, Henry

By Tams - 12/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 143

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 790

You deserved it 3 939

Let me out!

By pennyhater - 07/10/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I'm the RA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 384

You deserved it 5 021

Bad publicity

By And I'm still single - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 094

You deserved it 6 147

By gerligrl97 - 12/06/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 158

You deserved it 12 723

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 01:11 - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 491

You deserved it 6 838

By mbesameh - 11/06/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 761

You deserved it 6 275

By Brandon - 10/08/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 533

You deserved it 3 714

By corfan01 - 05/10/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 801

You deserved it 2 373

Dog hater?

By Elizabeth Haygood - 13/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 190

By DrugDeal - 09/06/2011 01:24 - Canada

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 3 412

By Single - 07/08/2010 11:01 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 430

You deserved it 7 025

By rapturezz - 06/06/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 048

You deserved it 3 761

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The Top

Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 179

You deserved it 6 417

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 287 702

Random

Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 269

You deserved it 2 640

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 680

You deserved it 2 286

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 440

You deserved it 5 416

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 128

You deserved it 64 103

Today, I have a serious bladder problem, which causes me to frequently urinate. If I'm unable to, I get really bad cramps. To ensure I always can go, I got a note from my doctor stating I can go during class. My professor threw it away and claimed it was fake. Hello, cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 99

Today, I stopped at the coffee shop before work and confidently ordered "my usual." The barista looked confused but nodded. When my drink came, it was completely wrong. Turns out, I was in the wrong coffee shop. I was too embarrassed to correct them, so I drank a weird matcha-pumpkin spice sludge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 809