Miscellaneous: Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched...

By DrugDeal - 09/06/2011 01:24 - Canada

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 579

You deserved it 3 385

Miscellaneous

You tried

Stop talking!

Thanks dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 23:22 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 1 419

By cowgurl91 - 13/01/2010 21:40 - France

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 229

You deserved it 42 281

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 270

You deserved it 11 240

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 21:00 - Germany

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 669

You deserved it 5 300

By Nessa - 10/05/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while. She said there were tapes of me when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno of her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 569

You deserved it 539

And you like him why exactly?

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, the guy I like happened to be munching on biscuits while he was talking to me. The biscuit crumbs were literally falling out of his mouth like a waterfall as he was speaking and munching. The crumbs were landing in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 251

By olalala2382 - 02/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 988

You deserved it 7 214

By seethroughpee - 06/05/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 208

You deserved it 3 961

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 05:06 - United States - Caldwell

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 148

You deserved it 3 554

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 330

You deserved it 28 050

Rash decision

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 18:01

Today, I realised I’m allergic to sperm. I was a virgin until recently and my vagina always seemed to itch for days after sex, and I thought that might be normal, but then today I agreed to let my boyfriend facial me and within minutes I had a massive rash everywhere it touched my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 148

By j0j0 - 15/01/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 3 817

By disturbed - 01/06/2014 01:53 - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 933

You deserved it 5 689

Apocalypse Now

By dacara6415 - 26/08/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 133

By Bwberry - 29/11/2017 19:00

Today, I spent hours hand-painting an awesome design on a gift for a friend. My husband was supposed to assemble it when I finished, but when I stepped back to admire my work, he informed me that the whole thing was sideways. He watched me paint it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 195

You deserved it 429

By oaksac191 - 26/10/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 381

You deserved it 7 747

By Anonymous - 29/11/2011 18:40 - United States

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 628

You deserved it 5 520

By why?! - 10/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 2 840

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Germany - Titisee-neustadt

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 880

You deserved it 1 609

By gotmilk? - 22/09/2015 13:41 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 1 828

Eleven Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I recently broke up with a girl I care greatly about to spare her having to deal with my mental health issues. Facebook keeps updating me with everything she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 621

By jesspie - 11/01/2013 02:41 - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 237

You deserved it 38 183

By wideawake - 19/07/2010 08:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 217

You deserved it 5 525

By waterlogged - 22/09/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 862

You deserved it 2 596

By germophobe - 02/09/2014 01:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 665

You deserved it 3 335

New movie

By msamberjade - 30/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 450

You deserved it 235

By mirrorfad - 29/01/2010 05:49 - France

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 3 226

By Anonymous - 27/02/2011 17:41 - Ireland

Today, I cycled 30 minutes through hail and rain to get my pregnant girlfriend the crisps she was craving. When I made it back, she didn't want them anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 345

You deserved it 7 866

Nutritious

By Anonymous - 19/07/2020 17:01

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 258

By foreveravirgin - 15/08/2012 19:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 623

You deserved it 7 265

By student101 - 26/03/2014 03:37 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 626

You deserved it 6 508

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 14:13 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 824

You deserved it 12 344

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 249

You deserved it 4 005

By bad dad - 05/06/2019 06:00

Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 173

Passing

By butchapparently - 10/08/2015 15:35

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying, "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 654

You deserved it 2 208

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 149

You deserved it 20 610

By Katy - 18/12/2018 14:00

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 281

By RainbowSuck - 07/02/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 129

You deserved it 685

By smart phone mms - 07/12/2009 06:36 - United States

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 967

You deserved it 47 500

By TheSublime - 21/10/2009 13:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 773

You deserved it 4 624

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Top comments

sheethapins 13

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:01

At least he didn't think you were a hooker.

Awahso 25

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:47

I hope you defended yourself.

Awahso 25

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:47

I hope you defended yourself.

zuzupetalsYO 11

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:50

what does that have to do with rain? but then what happened?

Awahso 25

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:52

It has to do with a man chasing him half a block...

BigPuss 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:04

you were on his corner, smarten up son LLOLL

Adorlee 11

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:16

I was stuck in the thunderstorm too! :(

BigPuss 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:19

no! you were engulfed upon gods ejaculation!

IceeCreamm 7

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Thursday 9 June 2011 10:12

Charlie Sheen?

PurpleRae420 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 15:26

Why would you have his drugs yah hope you defended yourself next time don't go there unless you have a ride and don't have to wait in a bad spot! Glad your alive people will kill for drugs even if you didn't have anything on you he could think that you took or smoked whatever he needed!!! Call the popo next time if they get there in time

NiqueKristan92 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 17:52

Haha # 40... The op is not "winning"

lonewolf6613 4

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Thursday 9 June 2011 19:40

56 haha popo. lol anyway I have only one question for op... did u give the drugs back to him? you shouldn't have taken them in the first place. lol jk :)

DrDreTheChronic 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 20:17

haha hustlaz corner

bezach 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 23:11

56, he was waiting for a bus, don't give op shit for that -.-

Mpsteve13 7

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:48

say to him, free hugs not drugs!

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:09

No...

Faleni 4

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:15

yeah I agree with 15 I don't see that ending well, but atleast your mom didn't tell you to run out of walmart because she shoplifted...there's always a bright side ;)

TheSithAssassin 15

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Thursday 9 June 2011 10:30

@16 Yes or the Mom could have been selling, took the money, the man yells "where's my drugs?!?!", the Mom runs and tells OP to run but OP stands there to get a ride home from crazy.

woosah 16

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Friday 10 June 2011 9:01

ya that won't get his ass beat to shit or anything. throwing out hugs eh.

oops_im_fucked 8

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:29

NO I WANT MY FUCKING HEROIN!!!

nlr 9

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:50

I hope he knows what he's doing with his life...

whybother8 0

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Friday 10 June 2011 4:18

what?!

nlr 9

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Friday 10 June 2011 22:13

smoking kills so their basically committing suicide but slowly...

Timbits93 1

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:50

When i first read it, i was expecting for you to get drenched by the rain... NOT drugs, least nothing bad happened.

Timbits93 1

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:53

*nothing bad happened. iPod screen not helping with accurate placement.

tx_beast 5

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Saturday 26 November 2011 21:07

I'm pretty sure being chased by a junkie is a bad thing...

chika_yeaah23 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:53

did u get him his drugs?

enonymous 8

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Thursday 9 June 2011 10:31

It's Canada... Drugs to them are smoking catnip, snorting pixie stix, and shooting up maple syrup. All while waiting for the Canucks or Leafs game to come on.

lonewolf6613 4

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Thursday 9 June 2011 19:37

42 wow that's hilarious! lol damn Canadians!

yelwarc 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 22:37

I guess you never heard of bc bud lol silly Americans, who blend bigmacs and inject it into their veins

LOLbomb 1

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Friday 10 June 2011 4:23

Wow. Someone's obviously Canadian. Somehow, I knew a cliche obese remark would be made. I've been to Canada. Weird people there. :l

Livinia 11

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:53

OP, we all know that you were secretly the crazy guy in this anecdote :)

BigPuss 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:58

Want to swallow your son?

ShakeMeDown 12

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:36

^ win.

BigPuss 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:55

why you dealing drugs broh?

Faleni 4

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:17

I believe you don't need the h

BigPuss 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:22

lol u mad?

Faleni 4

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:28

??? ummm no...but thanks for asking.

KaySL 24

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:34

Derpity derp, Faleni. Derpity derp.

hiyourcute 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:00

Wowww that blows. Just suck it up, but clearly he smoked you. I hope he didn't shoot up the block. But I have to admit, that made me snort from laughter.

MrLefty 8

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Thursday 9 June 2011 9:25

I c wat u did thar.

womanjesus 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 23:46

12 you're has an 'e' on the end if you're using it in that context. heads up.

hiyourcute 0

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Friday 10 June 2011 2:29

Yeahh I thought about that a couple days after I made the account and that actually really bothers me when people do that but I couldn't figure out how to change it:(