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By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 790

You deserved it 4 006

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 4 330

By oralMistake - 26/10/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 883

You deserved it 6 461

Double entendre

By mel - 11/05/2012 21:23 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Spicy

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 073

You deserved it 3 170

By Username - 08/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 623

You deserved it 5 625

Running late

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 200

You deserved it 3 886

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:33 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 952

You deserved it 8 684

By JG - 10/05/2012 11:48 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 4 216

By MaryJane - 07/08/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 132

By onthemarket - 08/09/2010 19:46 - United States

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 612

You deserved it 4 178

Doughboy

By phatkroger10 - 10/04/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fundraiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in four weeks, she said, "Oh I can't wait!" Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 116

You deserved it 66 823

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 04:00

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 105

Stressed out

By Anonymous - 10/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was in a packed elevator when I heard a loud noise. I assumed someone had farted, so I tried to discreetly turn around and hold my breath. To my horror, the loud noise was actually the elevator malfunctioning and dropping a few floors. I made it even more awkward by holding my breath, and the guy next to me asked, “You good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 315

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 269

You deserved it 4 294

By itsnotthatIhatecharity - 26/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 3 201

By sadmother - 01/07/2011 23:12 - Canada

Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 969

You deserved it 12 910

By Sexylarry - 03/09/2010 19:42 - France

Spicy

Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 659

You deserved it 8 239

By FMarinasL - 30/06/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 077

You deserved it 4 441

By FunTimes - 19/08/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 130

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 291

You deserved it 7 264

By mark807 - 28/04/2012 06:52 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 527

You deserved it 2 172

By Anonymous - 26/04/2012 19:17 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 748

You deserved it 6 786

Snark

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said, "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did, I wouldn't have hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 727

You deserved it 14 396

By Anonymous - 24/08/2019 18:00

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 1 130

Let down

By Anonymous - 14/05/2014 15:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 649

You deserved it 7 406

You what now?

By foshizzle - 25/04/2012 06:46 - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 010

You deserved it 3 193

Red flags all over the place

By DumpedHisAss - 14/10/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 323

You deserved it 3 786

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 16:59

Today, I'm on the verge of losing my job because of my poor mental health. I've been on a wait list for therapy/psych services for over a year already. My boss's response was, "It can't be that bad, just stop thinking about it." I have PTSD, OCD, BPD, ADHD, bipolar depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 307

By kendrox - 02/05/2014 07:11 - United States - Auburn

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 702

You deserved it 3 315

kendrox tells us more.

kendrox 12

Tuesday 6 May 2014 8:51

Oh wow I didn't think this would make it on there! Hello everyone, I am the original poster of this FML! No, I did not call the police. In other, more serious situations, I have. I did not say once that he was a danger to me, there was no need for him to get in trouble for this! It just made my night a lot harder! I left him be for a couple hours and when it came time for me to set up breakfast, I knocked on the bathroom door and gave him some coffee. He thanked me the next night. He seemed to be a very sweet man, just very very inebriated...

Squirt

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 472

You deserved it 2 998

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Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 938

You deserved it 2 901

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 398

You deserved it 5 905

Today, my parents met my girlfriend for the first time and cooked us dinner. After, I was helping clean up in the kitchen and my dad says to me, "Don't worry, you have to slay a couple of dragons before you get to the princess." and winks at me. She heard. I was going to propose to her tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 965

You deserved it 3 875

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 213

Today, I was waiting for a software issue to reproduce for around 10 hours while working on other stuff. My manager called to get a status update, so I stopped the monitoring setup for 10 minutes. Guess when the repro happened… FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 146

Today, my cat tried to look outside the window in my room by climbing on top of the air conditioner. It's already rather flimsy, as she had broken the accordions with her clumsiness last year. But this time, she somehow managed to make the AC fall out of the window, and she followed along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 157