Love: Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the...

By JG - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

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29295

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Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

The only one who could ever reach me…

Things can only get better

By Therunawaymoh

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3453

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315

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By dumpedattheclub - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

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66861

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By Anonymous

Halloween has started early

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

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1499

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143

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By woofwoof - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31945

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2982

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By HazzaBoo - United States

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25570

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2952

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2020 18:03 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Clean up in aisle 5 please

Today, I cleaned up the entire kitchen after sending the kids to school. I decided to have a nice cup of tea, and then knocked the tea over into the bin and the bin cabinet, the hardest and grossest thing to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

696

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108

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By Nick - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

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14373

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3629

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184

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By fuck off, eh! - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47327

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5080

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By Cuntlette - Australia - Brighton

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45421

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3346

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By KtSue - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23341

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1876

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33367

You deserved it

9771

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By _SouthernClass_ - United States

Today, my youngest child gave me the cold she had. I also started my period yesterday. Now I can’t stop coughing, and I feel like a human ketchup packet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1753

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165

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By why.mom

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3034

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132

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19498

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2388

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By Paco4242 - United States

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24815

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By Eyebrowless - United States - Willingboro

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23943

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13861

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By SwordFish8 - United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13846

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64365

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By lyssthemiss - United States - Joliet

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25654

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2293

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

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36737

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By reconnect - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

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34240

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7705

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By Deli meat prom - United States - Dallas

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27415

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3407

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By BambooLove - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22977

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65775

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By Vehophobic - 21/9/2020 07:05 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Not a car person

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

789

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622

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Pragmatic

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

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24558

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4814

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15055

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2265

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By Anonymous

Today, I still can't get my ex out of my house. It's been a year and he, "refuses to give up on something special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2052

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549

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

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31658

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2962

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By All a hoax - 25/10/2020 20:05 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Don't know, don't care

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

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823

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428

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By cdubb27 - United States

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a foul smell while on elliptical machine. I figured it was the little old lady on the machine next to me. It was so bad I had to leave. When I got in my truck, I realized the smell had followed me. It was me. My cat had pissed on my workout clothes. FML

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28990

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8965

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

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115141

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By wishyouweremeds - Australia - Sydney

Where's my explanation?

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1753

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106

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By porkers gonna pork :\ - Australia - Elsternwick

And I oop

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

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18750

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Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

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5147

You deserved it

1529

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By SorryIDontMatchStandardSizes - United States

Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15588

You deserved it

1109

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By talt

Today, I went to the hospital for taking to many anxiety meds cause of a panic attack over my finals. They decided the best way to fix this will be to involuntarily commit me to psychiatric treatment for 72 hours... missing all my finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2640

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661

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By stink

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33326

You deserved it

2742

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By missprude666 - Australia

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41995

You deserved it

4477

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By lostwife - United States

Today, I lost my job for taking an unauthorized vacation. I just got married and requested time off for the wedding and honeymoon months ago; it was approved then. They forgot, and then got angry because I didn't remind them. I did remind them, the day before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43241

You deserved it

2652

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By Jessie - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

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283

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Top comments

By anoellem | 1

#4417019 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:48

Stand up and take a bow. Play it off with humor.

By numbersystem | 4

#4417017 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:48

You'll be alright.

COMMENTS

By DrDilllonReese | 12

#4417015 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:46

They're congratulating you on the new girlfriend, be happy!!

By numbersystem | 4

#4417017 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:48

You'll be alright.

Roevera | 14

#4417055 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:55

Obviously he'll be alright.... a little social embarrassment never hurt anyone.. Anything to be first.

By anoellem | 1

#4417019 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:48

Stand up and take a bow. Play it off with humor.

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4417024 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:48

I'm glad they're taking such an interest. Go along with it.

By retyi43 | 14

#4417026 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:48

so, what's the problem?

By transcedental | 18

#4417028 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:49

It would be worse if he was lying, so yeah - just lay back and enjoy your girlfriend ;P

StanSmith_fml | 9

#4417050 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:54

Guaranteed he"ll be making another FML in two weeks of how she cheated on him...

By lolfood | 24

#4417030 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:49

Well, at least you got congratulated

By courtz94 | 24

#4417032 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:49

Congrats! At least you're not one of those fake people.

By TwiztedYuri | 9

#4417036 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:51

that's an fml how? it should go up on a wall of achievements

By missanderson813 | 4

#4417038 - Thursday 10 May 2012 16:51

Keep your focus on your girlfriend. You think its bad now but wait till everyone finds out when she dumps you.