The Top

Hey, OP here. I'm finally gonna answer some of your questions: 1. Yes, i do believe it was a set up. The woman and the thiefs were definitely working together. 2. They were old skis, I bought myself a pair of awesome new ones later :) 3. I didn't go skiing alone. I live in Switzerland and was helping a friend of mine -who is an elementary school teacher- as a skiing instructor for his 9 year old school kids. He teaches and lives in a tiny village about an hour from where I live, and since I don't have a car, I went there by train. So obviously i rode the train back home alone. The only good thing about the whole story is that I didn't have to carry my skis back home. ha. ha. Feel free to message me, if you have any questions.

By ifaisal - 26/02/2010 03:05 - Qatar

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 414

You deserved it 3 601

By foo - 01/02/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 093

You deserved it 24 923

As seen on TV

By Big break - 18/05/2020 14:00

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 647

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 408

You deserved it 66 809

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 480

By Jman6295 - 08/01/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 15 243

By Noname - 30/01/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 821

You deserved it 3 101

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 841

You deserved it 8 379

Misheard

By not what she said - 01/06/2020 20:00

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 141

TMI

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to ask my girlfriend to please stop telling me about her ex's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 688

You deserved it 4 913

Great timing, dude

By misswhiskers - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 519

You deserved it 3 446

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 688

You deserved it 36 242

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 326

You deserved it 2 693

Helter Skelter

By NeighboRingo - 05/12/2022 19:00 - United States

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbor is a drummer. He's actually quite good, so I didn't have the heart to report a noise complaint. That is, until he screamed Ringo Starr's infamous line, "I got blisters on my fingers!" at the top of his lungs after playing them too long. I would have laughed if it wasn't 2AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 120

Saturday night fever

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 08:09

Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 177

Entitled

By WeClosed2MinsAgo - 08/12/2022 14:00

Today, I got fired. There was a customer last night who showed up two minutes after our closing time, 11 p.m.. She knocked on the door many times, but I ignored her and kept sweeping the floor. She eventually left. Turns out she’s the VP’s daughter and told him I was “rude and inconsiderate” to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 224

It's the thought that counts

By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 585

You deserved it 2 019

By alex - 16/02/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 123

You deserved it 32 933

Weird, huh?

By Sam - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 641

You deserved it 3 790

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 14:51 - Ireland

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me telling me she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 178

You deserved it 48 178

Stoner

By Anonymous - 26/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while still stoned from his dental surgery, my boyfriend told me I give the best blowjobs he’s ever had. My parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 200

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By Anonymous - 22/06/2020 17:01

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 152

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 302

You deserved it 3 690

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I dropped the collection basket during Christmas Mass at my Catholic church. Money and checks fell all over the floor and everyone was staring at me. I was too stunned to even pick it up. There were about 1,500 people from our town there and my family won't stop bringing it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 619

You deserved it 1 569

Today, I was working the drive-thru. Everything was going fine until I handed a customer her order and said, "Happy Holidays". Before she drove off, she yelled, "it's Merry Christmas, bitch" and threw her coffee at the window. I'm Jewish and was trying to be polite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 189

You deserved it 972

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 061

You deserved it 109 748

Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 027

You deserved it 612

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 825

You deserved it 2 709

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 385