The Top

Okay, this is about to sound really dumb. But unless someone happened to have the same thing happen to them and happened to post it on FML the same day as I, I'm the OP. I'm unsure because of the fact that it says Australia and Anonymous. Hmm. To explain things a little more: he was totally kidding. We joke around like this a lot. I wasn't offended, until I realised I haven't received an actual compliment in years. We had been talking about how his parents normally believe that he's dating any girl he speaks to, except me. I responded by saying , "Oh, so I don't look like a girl?" I wasn't fishing for compliments, in case you were wondering. (I'd also like to say thank you to anyone who commented anything like "I bet you're beautiful". Reading the comments made my day.) I just said it as a joke. He replied, "Kind of, from the right angle." It wasn't meant to offend me, but it did make my day a pretty bad when I thought about it too much. Oh well, he didn't mean any harm. I also don't dress like a guy, and don't have a short haircut. I also wear makeup. So I don't believe I have many "manly" features.

By WoWWidow - 02/09/2011 08:02 - United States

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 4 448

By jewelthewat - 19/09/2014 12:52 - Netherlands - Driebergen

Today, while on the bus, a friendly-looking guy smiled at me, so I smiled back. He then pointed at my teeth and said, "You gonna get those fixed, or just keep them as a conversation starter?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 509

You deserved it 4 152

jewelthewat tells us more.

jewelthewat 9

Saturday 20 September 2014 15:08

I was on a holiday to see my long distance boyfriend in the UK. We took a bus to go see a movie that evening, but a bunch of school kids had to take the bus too. Apparently this guy knew my boyfriend from when they both still attended the same high school and he thought he was funny. We had a really weird conversation, this guy and me, but apart from weird and a little rude, he was also quite friendly and funny. The remark about my teeth was a joke too. About my teeth, my upper jaw is a little too small so my canines are "on top" of my other teeth. It looks REALLY cool, but yeah, it's quite visible (especially when I smile, I look like a vampire). Thanks for all your comments guys, you're really sweet!

Giving and taking

By patriarchal apparently - 29/06/2013 19:58 - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 319

You deserved it 10 031

By great - 20/07/2012 10:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 557

You deserved it 31 444

Shocked

By tawan - 04/12/2009 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 983

You deserved it 3 054

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 404

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 532

You deserved it 4 124

By distressed - 05/11/2010 23:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 554

You deserved it 4 112

By azerty - 10/02/2012 10:50 - Sweden

Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The exam starts. Suddenly, I’m stressing out: my pens had frozen during the night. Thanks, sub-zero conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

By Langdon - 15/05/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 822

You deserved it 9 627

By crazy_mom - 01/11/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 692

You deserved it 4 358

No good deed…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 199

You deserved it 4 000

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 473

You deserved it 6 049

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 164

You deserved it 6 931

Where is she now?

By RensM - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I went to the movies. I was sat next to a woman who talked through the film and said, "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 972

You deserved it 3 248

By wookieewhosshe - 18/05/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 141

By royalscenery - 27/10/2010 21:58 - Canada

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 278

You deserved it 2 842

By charlie - 10/05/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 922

You deserved it 3 013

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The Top

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 379

You deserved it 7 880

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 143

You deserved it 6 896

Random

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 954

Today, in my mom’s house, I can stay in one of two rooms: The one that's clean, tidy, quiet and has a comfortable seat… or the one that's warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 140

Today, I have wasted so much time reading comments on this page that FML comments have become my favorite bedtime stories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 330

Today, I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman I love to bits, but I have a crush on a coworker. I've tried to brush it off, but it's only getting stronger. The worst part? I think she likes me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 184

Today, I woke up to find out that my phone, which contained all of my pictures and videos from the past year, had completely crashed. Despite trying everything, I couldn't recover any of the data, even from the cloud backup. All those memories, gone forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 186

Today, our chocolate Labrador ran away. My dad adopted it because he really wanted a hunting dog, promising he'd be in charge of its training and feeding. I ended up getting saddled with that instead. The dog was so hyper it was untrainable, and dad blamed me when it burst out of its kennel and bolted into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 138