It's not mine, dumbass

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 01:00

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks 5 098
You deserved it 216
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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

It was most likely immaculate conception and you could be the step-dad of The Messiah. Stick around -- there are probably nice perks for hanging out with the Lord.

28 2
weeping_willow 25

Actually, even if you’re unable to impregnate or be impregnated you should still wear protection to prevent STD and STI’s. Juuust to be safe.

21 0

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

Good luck finding a woman truly of worth and with more than just a modicum [Pun not intended - at first - lol.] of intelligence, OP! :-)

14 9
RichardPencil 30

It was most likely immaculate conception and you could be the step-dad of The Messiah. Stick around -- there are probably nice perks for hanging out with the Lord.

28 2
Wadlaen 23

He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

0 0
EmDizzle2007 28

I knew what this was gonna say before I even opened the notification. I've heard this song before.

4 1
Wadlaen 23

Sorry both by losing your testicles and now your girl!😕

8 3
julfunky 29

Why is this downvoted?

1 0
Sarah Kryski-Kenny 3

Yes. It’s the prostate gland that produces semen. It wouldn’t contain any swimmers. He’s shooting blanks.

1 0
maiyapapaiya13 9

Tell her you want to do a DNA test to see if it’s really yours or you’re leaving her. She knows it’s not yours so she’ll freak and admit it.

1 1