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Hey, I am kind of astounded this made the front page, but I also realized that I wasn't logged in when I created and submitted this. I'm the OP. I should have phrased this better, but I was running out of room to create the FML. The actual story is that she flat-out broke up with me, and then went around and told all my friends, which happen to also be her friends too, that it was a mutual break-up, but it was my decision for the most part that split us apart, which effectively framed me as the "bad-guy". When I confronted her on it, she first denied telling her (our) friends this, then changed her story to "she couldn't think of what to say". All this while her new "boyfriend" (of 1 day) was helping her move out of my apartment. Sorry for the confusion in the phrasing.

By Whatever01 - 10/03/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 220

You deserved it 94 223

Sorry…

By Ricky - 09/03/2009 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "You jerk! Why are you making fun of her? She has Tourette's, you know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 472

You deserved it 41 068

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 14:01 - United States - Shelby

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 581

You deserved it 3 666

By Kat - 08/03/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 379

You deserved it 8 239

Subconscious

By doodler - 27/02/2014 11:59 - United States - Hurst

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 122

You deserved it 13 528

Dangleberries

By myeyesburn - 28/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 181

By Sola - 11/05/2011 04:10

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 251

You deserved it 5 066

Good one, Dave, thanks

By sasd32 - 06/03/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with, "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 277

You deserved it 8 934

STOP TALKING

By SlickMcK - 05/06/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 618

You deserved it 4 351

By gymgirl - 05/05/2011 13:47 - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, chocolate, and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 572

You deserved it 48 247

Boomer humor

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 23:14 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 378

You deserved it 6 339

By Derps - 04/05/2011 09:11 - Denmark

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 39 431

Stay classy

By chattyloz - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 959

You deserved it 40 218

Yeet the kid

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 16:01

Today, my son no longer tries to sneak in and out of the house at inappropriate times. Now, he just brazenly walks out, ignoring me when I ask where he’s going, then walks back in at like 4 in the morning, and again ignores me because he’s still on his phone to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 078

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 342

You deserved it 4 970

By Ashley J. - 01/03/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 311

You deserved it 17 562

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 674

You deserved it 4 074

Due date

By NewMommy29 - 02/07/2021 00:01

Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 161

That's on you

By eldar90 - 25/02/2012 21:38 - Israel

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 158

You deserved it 2 400

It wasn't me

By SingleGirl - 07/09/2009 15:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum grounded me for going to my boyfriend's house instead of the library. She said my boyfriend's mum phoned up because she could hear us having it off in his room. When I denied it my mum shouted at me for being a liar as well as a slut. I did go to the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 397

You deserved it 4 252

Dazed and confused

By AnastasiyaNicholas - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 127

You deserved it 2 094

By Scarred - 04/09/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 006

You deserved it 5 671

FIFA 2020

By kicking with love - 06/03/2020 21:10

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 721

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 800

You deserved it 1 001

Today, I'm no longer allowed to work the drive-thru at my job, because over the weekend, 3 dumbasses I go to school with came in and complained to my manager, saying I sounded a creepy pervert and that it scared them enough to take their business elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 499

You deserved it 1 986

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 842

You deserved it 3 329

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 210

You deserved it 7 117

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 979

You deserved it 2 774

Today, I just had to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, who I've been friends with for the past 12 years. She chased me in high school and we dated before for almost 2 years, but now I finally see what I should have: She's still in love her ex, who abandoned her 5 years ago. I've been living in another man's shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 140