Miscellaneous: Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because...

By disfunctionalfamily - 27/04/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 749

You deserved it 4 589

Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

Library time

Unreasonable demands

By Ali - 07/07/2012 20:23 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 675

You deserved it 30 516

By Rich - 19/05/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 4 598

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 328

You deserved it 34 282

By Lunab123 - 01/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 834

You deserved it 2 549

By SimpleSadie - 22/04/2017 16:00

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 616

You deserved it 461

By London - 18/09/2009 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 086

You deserved it 3 374

By anonymouss - 24/05/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 463

You deserved it 26 329

By stdfree_hopefully - 15/04/2018 06:00

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 660

You deserved it 2 101

By SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 162

You deserved it 4 334

By Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 099

You deserved it 2 566

By unemployed - 18/10/2016 00:05 - United States - The Colony

Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 422

You deserved it 762

A sand castle

By Roasted Marshmallows - 07/11/2019 03:30

Today, I took a DNA test and it turns out that the person who I thought was my dad is not my actual dad and my real dad is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 130

By ceedee - 24/01/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 25 402

By LukesSkyWalker - 22/06/2015 20:35 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 601

You deserved it 3 007

By ButtWorthSingingBout - 01/01/2015 18:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 111

You deserved it 5 563

By Username - 05/10/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 812

You deserved it 12 599

By sastgamer - 21/05/2016 17:46 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 337

You deserved it 1 761

Unfair

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 07:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 256

You deserved it 4 847

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 12:05 - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 632

You deserved it 4 765

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 07:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 352

You deserved it 3 377

By Nick - 27/11/2009 10:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 982

You deserved it 28 871

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 592

You deserved it 2 409

By gnownayrgnow - 08/05/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 783

You deserved it 5 646

By Eric Moore - 25/09/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 515

You deserved it 3 944

Morbid cringe

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 02:02

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 289

By sarah_sad - 25/03/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 588

You deserved it 16 698

Denial

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:02 - Norway

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 696

You deserved it 3 897

By honeybee2487 - 30/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 855

You deserved it 2 283

By the other guy? - 29/03/2014 21:57 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 524

You deserved it 19 704

By Anonymous - 18/07/2012 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 533

You deserved it 6 887

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 409

You deserved it 4 775

By Pissy pants - 24/11/2018 13:30

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 120

You deserved it 216

By Meh - 07/05/2019 13:00 - United States - Bothell

Today, I found out that my roommate has a good voice, because he loudly sings Korean love songs at one in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 152

Market crash

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 20:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my son took some of my underwear to school. What's worse is he sold it to his classmate for $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 139

By homealone - 14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 178

You deserved it 542

By Fmycatslife - 26/07/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 831

You deserved it 78 094

By Anonymous - 17/11/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 574

You deserved it 6 062

By Anonymous - 10/02/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 866

You deserved it 8 449

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 192

You deserved it 4 569

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Top comments

cnygard95 12

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:41

what a great family. they should be nicer to u

firegecko123 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:43

wow. your family is terrible.

cnygard95 12

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:41

what a great family. they should be nicer to u

dolphincheddar 10

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:57

hopefully you chose the right husband and he will care about you more then your family does. good luck OP. your name seems suitable.

harbqll 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

whitesox365 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:02

stop marrying your cousins...

DrewSmooth 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:11

it's funny wen people reply to 1 just to have their comment towards the top like 33

Melvar_10 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:25

they should go to space

rocketeer_97 1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:52

44- what the hell is "ND"

littlemissFYL 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 2:08

bitch, people only care if it's the fucking royal wedding. i bet they'll be watching it on tv.

omgwtfbbq69 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 2:24

rough one...

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Thursday 28 April 2011 2:27

OP, if this was your first wedding, im so sorry. but i cant blame them if its like your 5th wedding. i know a mom who quit getting excited for her daughter being engaged after the 5th engagement

DoubleDose 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 2:51

here's the gameplan. for your sister: when she gets a divorce( because of she's that much of a bitch to not show up it's doomed to happen) then say you'll represent her as her lawyer. stand her up so she loses everything in court. for your dad: when he gets on in years take him in under the pretense that he needs to have a cancerous mole looked at( no doubt he has a ton) bribe the doctor to say he has 1 week to live. problem solved

linnie_wesker 20

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Thursday 28 April 2011 3:33

I agree with #28... seriously, if her family doesn't want to be around her, there's probably a reason. I know I'm sure as hell not going to my sister's wedding.

leeshxx 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 3:56

44 your comments piss me off! wtf is ND?? it's and!!!!!!! are you retarded?

rocketeer_97 1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:03

113- her comments piss me off too ! they are so "not funnii". and also, thanks for clarifying that "ND" means and !

MissBunny25 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:21

oh my, that's unfortunate. *30 billion internets if you get what YouTube show that from*

docscientist 9

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:25

ND, seriously? You couldn't trouble yourself with one more letter so that you would at least look sensibly coherent?

kcluna 6

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:35

Don't worry so much, you'll have a new family soon!!! Congrats!!

lunaXXdennice 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:44

That's so cruel!!!!

Randuhh_17 4

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Thursday 28 April 2011 5:11

66-lol, 44's whole comment is bent out of shape..but yeah, "ND" is supposedly a cool way to say and...it just makes people sound retarded.

whitesox365 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:39

chill, everyone chill. who cares if someone says ND? get on with your lives.

xxlauruh 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:41

why did everyone reply to this comment? haha

MissBunny25 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:46

156 you must be a newbie :)

xxlauruh 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:48

xxlauruh 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:59

and there's nothing wrong with typing "nd" and people that get their panties all in a bunch about it really should find something more worthy to worry about. ND THATS THE TRUTH!

rocketeer_97 1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:21

im a grammar nazi. deal with it. the more you type like that, the more likely it will become a habit. its so not funnii when people type like that and try to act cool. and how am i supposed to not read it when basically all you do here is read.

rocketeer_97 1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:23

137- i absolutely agree !

DrewSmooth 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:26

161. Your argument is invalid. nd that's that.

xxlauruh 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:28

actually spelling is a separate part of language than grammar. if you're going to get all high and mighty, at least make sure you, yourself sound "sensibly coherent."

firegecko123 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:43

wow. your family is terrible.

Tuesdays76 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 5:35

Apparently they didn't like the bride much.

whitesox365 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:40

if this was a guy the first sentence would be the fml

CAPTmok 7

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:43

WOW!!! how I wish I could be that loved

TrollsFTW 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:45

I know... some people have all the luck

miraggg 1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:53

stop getting 16 and pregnant! maybe then theyll come

IMveryHUNGRY 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:43

Dang must have been one crackin' wedding! Congrats!

sweetpea9008 2

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Thursday 28 April 2011 2:47

agreed(:

skinollie 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 6:08

your an idiot kid. sssshhhhhh

Eggers 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 0:44

At least your soon-to-be husband is attending. is that not enough, princess?

Eggers 2

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Thursday 28 April 2011 3:03

cool, I've never had this many thumbs down before

gabsta 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 5:11

bitch? orrr...???

Fx13mz 7

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:44

Sister and father had plans? In Mississippi? Wincest!

LoveTheObsession 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 5:59

wincest.. oh my gosh your a genius xD

sematariux 7

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:45

is this like, your 8th wedding or something? I can see it being around that because then family members would be like, GREAT another wedding and soon to be divorce to add under your belt but If it's your first or maybe maybe second they should get their shit straight