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Thanks everyone, haters and all. Let me clear some things up for yall. 1) i did pass, but when i was out of the pool i was GASSED 2) the woman was in pretty damn good shape. I didnt mean to be sexist or ageist. 3) my football team was 11-2. The Ennis Lions, if you wanna check im #64. We were 1 game short of state (loss to rockwall heath) 4) Im not the typical "athlete". I had a pink mohawk in the summer, I listen to no rap and all alternative, I HAVE PINK AND BLACK VANS FOR GODS SAKE. 5) This will surprise you. I'm 6'2 and 230lbs (6% body fat). An offensive lineman, thats why i had some problems. I didn't mean to come off as a jerk, or a "dumb jock",and I actually did somewhat prepare for this test. I had a friend who is a lifeguard teach me and have me swim but I guess it wasn't enough. And, yes, I RESPECT ALL YOU SWIMMERS NOW! haha I learned the hard way

Too late

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was, "Don't turn gay." I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 358

You deserved it 11 331

Historical accuracy

By laststand11 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 202

You deserved it 3 478

Busted

By germx - 18/03/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 428

You deserved it 4 215

By justletitbeover - 28/05/2011 12:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 391

You deserved it 9 602

By ohno - 25/03/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 805

You deserved it 2 980

By apple - 16/07/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 683

You deserved it 6 285

Sticky fingers

By FlickedOff 2023 - 01/12/2023 06:00

Today, my FWB and I were on a road trip. His dumbass got us pulled over by the cops, and he decided it was the perfect moment to start fingering me. Worse yet, I got off in between visits from the cop. He took his license and ticket with his fingering hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 656

Alas, poor Donatello

By randomsamm - 17/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 228

Your future, our clutter

By pwib - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Napa

Today, a bunch of my friends have been accepted to various colleges while I've been denied by the past 5. To cheer me up, my mom drove me to McDonald's. While we were in the drive-thru, she asked them if they had any job openings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 871

You deserved it 5 377

By StinkyandStupid - 15/03/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 661

You deserved it 38 164

Insane jealousy

By Iammsofed - 17/06/2021 14:01

Today, my wife threw my Macbook out a window and tore up important work documents, all because she saw me talking to a female colleague of mine. I confronted her about the damage, and she responded, "Go ask the bitch you were with the other day to help you with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 127

Know your equipment

By Angelica Zoe - 13/06/2021 21:59

Today, while playing a game of Cards Against Humanity, I had to explain to 3 grown men that there is NOT an actual bone in their dicks. It's mostly vascular tissue that swells and becomes rigid, and a broken dick is when they pop one of the two main vascular tubes, which can cause many severe problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 118

By Lesser - 17/02/2013 08:02 - Australia - Glenfield

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 627

You deserved it 4 142

Izabushel tells us more.

Izabushel 65

Sunday 17 February 2013 18:40

OP here. Having been 'blessed' with a bodacious bustline since early teens, I am used to men having difficulty maintaining eye contact with me, but my nephew has taken it to a new level. I thought that we might have an interesting day because when he came into my room in the morning, one of the first things he said to me was "Boobies gone!" and I said yes, boobies are gone because I was dressed. He then kept on saying 'bring boobies back!', in other words, show him my breasts. And of course I wouldn't. We then go shopping, he got tired and cranky, and thus ended with this situation. He normally is the loveliest and sweetest kid you could imagine. An absolute treasure. I am not just saying that because I am his Aunt. However he does have this obsession with breasts. Well mine in particular. I look very similar to my sister, so I don't know, maybe its a comfort thing going back to when he was breast fed. Then again I have been told I have magically comforting breasts. But he only does it with me so it's not like he is attacking random women in the street asking to see their breasts.