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By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 635

You deserved it 5 201

By 900104878 - 17/10/2015 03:48 - Canada

Today, the father of my unborn child got laid off. Without a work visa, he may have to leave the country before this baby even arrives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 232

You deserved it 6 270

900104878 tells us more.

900104878 9

Friday 23 October 2015 21:26

Hey OP here. I guess I should clarify some things. Birth control was used, as like every other time. It happened to fail. We were together a few months and a few more after we found out. I don't believe in staying with someone solely because of a child. It's not healthy for anyone. We get along fine and he's excited to be a dad. Absolutely not great timing of course. But I do not believe in abortion. I didn't post this because I'm worried about money. I have a good full time job that I will return to after my mat leave. My heart hurts for him, not me. I've got my family here, I'll be ok. Thank you for the support!!

By cat_loser - 09/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 749

You deserved it 3 379

In training

By anonymous - 16/11/2009 06:00 - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him, "Where did you go to the potty?" He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 290

You deserved it 4 077

By buttpain - 01/12/2016 18:29

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 633

You deserved it 845

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 12:25 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy threatened to sue me for fraud because I informed him that he had to start paying back his student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 901

You deserved it 1 848

Cats > Relationships

By Crazy Cat-less Lady - 31/10/2016 04:38

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 806

You deserved it 1 186

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 382

You deserved it 120 568

Twister

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 01:30

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 475

You deserved it 3 311

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 635

You deserved it 1 934

I'm not going out there

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 350

You deserved it 4 104

You OK, hun?

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 152

You deserved it 3 194

By Canadagirl - 24/08/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 322

You deserved it 323

Higher education

By mermaidkeels - 08/09/2016 04:54 - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 018

You deserved it 1 252

By DantesInfernalRage - 12/09/2017 13:00

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 267

By Apes - 25/03/2013 07:18 - United States - Temecula

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 510

You deserved it 5 029

Signing off

By elevator-troubles - 18/03/2009 07:59 - Australia

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a "damn fine ass." I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 034

You deserved it 25 907

By Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 143

You deserved it 3 077

Back in 2009…

By awkwardgayboi - 11/03/2009 18:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 943

You deserved it 92 892

By fird - 25/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 103

You deserved it 316

By naive_girl - 04/07/2016 00:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I sold my Christmas gift from my father on eBay as I'm so desperate for cash. It's also the day I got scammed by an eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 931

You deserved it 3 732

naive_girl_fml tells us more.

naive_girl_fml 6

Monday 4 July 2016 17:08

OP here :) the gift was definitely thoughtless as it was an expensive fountain pen that I have zero use for unfortunately. I told my dad I loved it though...I got scammed because the buyer falsely claimed it was used when it arrived (HE used it). He then opened a case on eBay, sent me loads of aggressive email abuse, threatened legal action and requested my contact details from eBay (so now he has my phone number!). eBay ruled in his favour so I had to refund him... ? I sent the parcel tracked, used Paypal etc. That's the problem really - he is too protected he can just lie and keep the pen and the money!

By Miss_Kristen - 26/02/2012 15:31 - United States

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 410

You deserved it 34 445