This is no time to give OP cooking advice. She's about to drown not starve.

Well get on it, woman!

I read this as "Pepper ur Anus OP!"

I thought it said "prepare your anus" lol.

Really? Works for me every time ; )

Maybe he should get a little lesson from Colonel Angus.

All the ladies just love Colonel Angus!

Hey, he's to the point. Just what men should be :)

Would it have been better if he said "I require coitus. Due to the lack of intercourse, the pressure in my epidydmis has increased significantly, and the contraction of my prostate and vas deferens will cause an expulsion of fluid from my ejaculatory duct to your epidermis."? I know you meant because he was abrupt, but I feel like mine is more fancy ;).

No, 27, but if he's horny as hell, he could have found a better way of telling her that he wanted to screw her brains out. Sheesh.

I agree 33. He could have made it phenomenally sexy as ****.

Umm... At least he used the correct form of "you're". :/

Shakesphere would've been proud !

I think this is the most important question so far.

Considering the way he said it, I'm guessing not.

That, or he has an infected prostate.

You can never be too sure.

Am thinking plumber

i love ******* girls on fire hydrants in hell

I would also recommend some safety glasses...

Water resistant gloves!!!

It would be a lot harder with a gold member.

Sounds like he's horney, has to take a shit but can't, and is going to piss on her.

That's exactly what I thought; usually being "backed up" means constipated. Would've been a damn messy **** session.

I'm assuming that was a lame attempt at a "golden shower" reference?

Not when you ask for it like that!

Not asking telling and I bet she loved it like that

Past FML reference. Well done.

For those who thumbed down - that's the reality of most men. For real.

Do you usually tell her like that? O.o And you make cheating sound pretty normal...

These days cheating is normal