By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 987
You deserved it 6 006

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Top comments

I think he's horny. I may be wrong though.

robo_thunder 13

He really has a way with words


Pepper your angus OP.

This is no time to give OP cooking advice. She's about to drown not starve.

Well get on it, woman!

I read this as "Pepper ur Anus OP!"

X3liteXHunterX 12

I thought it said "prepare your anus" lol.

Wow. He needs a little coaching in the dirty talk department!

Really? Works for me every time ; )

Maybe he should get a little lesson from Colonel Angus.

All the ladies just love Colonel Angus!

Hey, he's to the point. Just what men should be :)

robo_thunder 13

He really has a way with words

Would it have been better if he said "I require coitus. Due to the lack of intercourse, the pressure in my epidydmis has increased significantly, and the contraction of my prostate and vas deferens will cause an expulsion of fluid from my ejaculatory duct to your epidermis."? I know you meant because he was abrupt, but I feel like mine is more fancy ;).

No, 27, but if he's horny as hell, he could have found a better way of telling her that he wanted to screw her brains out. Sheesh.

I agree 33. He could have made it phenomenally sexy as ****.

Umm... At least he used the correct form of "you're". :/

Shakesphere would've been proud !

Well, did he get it?

tmx90 5

I think this is the most important question so far.

Considering the way he said it, I'm guessing not.

I think he's horny. I may be wrong though.

That, or he has an infected prostate.

You can never be too sure.

jojimugo 20

Am thinking plumber

i love ******* girls on fire hydrants in hell

Get a fireman helmet ASAP.

I would also recommend some safety glasses...

Water resistant gloves!!!

perdix 29

Is it a golden fire hydrant?

It would be a lot harder with a gold member.

Sounds like he's horney, has to take a shit but can't, and is going to piss on her.

That's exactly what I thought; usually being "backed up" means constipated. Would've been a damn messy **** session.

I'm assuming that was a lame attempt at a "golden shower" reference?

Well, sex is a great way to express affection, right? Could be worse, he could be refusing sex to power up his sperm.

Not when you ask for it like that!

Not asking telling and I bet she loved it like that

Past FML reference. Well done.

astralvagan 20

My wife has often told me she's thrilled when I am all over her! Be glad he wants to come home and unload on you and not someone else

kikiwi_fml 9

For those who thumbed down - that's the reality of most men. For real.

Do you usually tell her like that? O.o And you make cheating sound pretty normal...

garrett8614 2

These days cheating is normal

He is not playing! Good luck OP