By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2839

878

Rock, hard place

Tense

Greed

By lostinspace - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44809

You deserved it

3613

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 23:00

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1607

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By Nicked - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50921

You deserved it

15765

Favorite

By man - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12062

You deserved it

23313

Favorite

By thatguy - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49604

You deserved it

2973

Favorite

By toothache - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61259

You deserved it

4376

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36450

You deserved it

3037

Favorite

By sisterofthebride - United States

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35070

You deserved it

4084

Favorite

By Noname - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29614

You deserved it

4351

Favorite

By seriously? - United States

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22218

You deserved it

35375

Favorite

By SadMom

Today, I was told by a family member that if we come over on Christmas and my small children get upset or throw a fit, we will be asked to leave. I can't guarantee that my 2-year-old and 3-year-old won't have any meltdowns, so I guess we won't be spending Christmas with the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8609

You deserved it

1657

Favorite

By whyme27 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28446

You deserved it

4325

Favorite

By El Stupido - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14162

You deserved it

58333

Favorite

By bbedlock - Australia

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51226

You deserved it

19152

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51493

You deserved it

8482

Favorite

By grace - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23428

You deserved it

1643

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mom called me in a panic because someone had hacked my phone and was sending her evil faces. They were emojis I'd accidentally butt-dialed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11697

You deserved it

1157

Favorite

By Anthony Hathaway

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2839

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15122

You deserved it

40995

Favorite

By Boyufd - 22/4/2020 23:00

Show and tell

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2020

You deserved it

257

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11335

You deserved it

1690

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Dingdong

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me. Thinking it would be the nice thing to do, I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20535

You deserved it

64993

Favorite

By Coffee

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2792

You deserved it

1050

Favorite

By sore - Ireland

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10462

You deserved it

82038

Favorite

By denae92

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1762

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By mommy_issues - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52055

You deserved it

4513

Favorite

By Damn.... - United States

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31763

You deserved it

3104

Favorite

By wobbles - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12889

You deserved it

34244

Favorite

By natalieeee - United States

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15848

You deserved it

61926

Favorite

By ugh - United States

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40636

You deserved it

2543

Favorite

By ohhi_itsme123 - United States

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11576

You deserved it

30213

Favorite

By Turbo

Today, as a truck driver, I was flipped off, cursed at, told to go to hell and several other obscenities because I was a half-hour EARLY to my delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1839

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30274

You deserved it

4612

Favorite

By shat - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21849

You deserved it

2469

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40502

You deserved it

9097

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46423

You deserved it

5859

Favorite

By myeyesburn - Canada

Dangleberries

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By loserllamalick - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29653

You deserved it

39611

Favorite

By Desperate_measures - Greece

Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friends house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said "who's this? stop texting me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30010

You deserved it

14675

Favorite

By B-Rad - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29033

You deserved it

2414

Favorite

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#7546200 - Thursday 28 September 2017 4:32

I bet you wish you hadn’t gotten that lower-both-back-windows button installed in the middle of the front seat now, OP!

By boopingsnoot | 23

#7546428 - Thursday 28 September 2017 18:07

You shouldn't have done the car wash with the dog in the car - it never ends well

COMMENTS

By Tripartita | 44

#7546200 - Thursday 28 September 2017 4:32

I bet you wish you hadn’t gotten that lower-both-back-windows button installed in the middle of the front seat now, OP!

Taco The Dank | 27

#7546336 - Thursday 28 September 2017 13:54

Yay you're back! I missed your clever comments!

Tripartita | 44

#7546445 - Thursday 28 September 2017 19:07

Cheers!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7546216 - Thursday 28 September 2017 5:48

Did you have to pay extra for that?

By almost_there44 | 26

#7546219 - Thursday 28 September 2017 6:00

Second time this has been posted, just with a different handle.

By Little Richard | 10

#7546220 - Thursday 28 September 2017 6:04

Why was your dog in a crate?

boopingsnoot | 23

#7546427 - Thursday 28 September 2017 18:06

Common sense?

By egnur_mas | 19

#7546322 - Thursday 28 September 2017 12:54

Exterior, interior plus a dog bath op.

By boopingsnoot | 23

#7546428 - Thursday 28 September 2017 18:07

You shouldn't have done the car wash with the dog in the car - it never ends well

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7546476 - Thursday 28 September 2017 20:26

You deserve it for not securing your dog's crate better.

By dexter420 | 21

#7546555 - Friday 29 September 2017 1:12

Why was your dog at work with you

BusterM | 2

#7547021 - Saturday 30 September 2017 9:42

Could be a guard with K-9 patrolling or maybe even a cop.

By empbob | 20

#7546566 - Friday 29 September 2017 2:36

Seems kind of cruel to scare the crap out of your dog by driving through a car wash with them trapped in a crate...

By Casey Padovani | 9

#7546722 - Friday 29 September 2017 15:40

Why would you go to the car wash with your dog in the car? That's just mean.