The Top

Hey guys. OP here. Everyone's asking if I finished the chair. I did, but not for several hours. My old chair I was using was barely functional and leaned to one side causing me a lot of pain. I casually mentioned that my back hurt to my boss. The next day when I came into the office I found a box with a new chair was waiting at my desk. Since I am the sole employee of this business and was alone, I had to put it together myself. I threw out my back lifting up one of the parts of the chair. It wasn't even heavy, it was just awkward removing it from the box. My boss was running late and came into work 2 hours later to find me laying on the floor with the half constructed chair next to me. I'm doing okay now. The chair is actually helping.

By anonymous - 01/10/2011 14:18 - United States

Today, I used a public restroom with very shiny floors. So shiny, in fact, that I could see a clear reflection of the person in the next stall. I'm pretty sure they could see me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 773

You deserved it 3 017

Policy of truth

By Home Alone 33 - 24/02/2022 14:00

Today, after two months of being apart from my wife of five years, who'd returned to Panama to deal with a family issue, she innocently slips into conversation that she’s been hanging out with her high school boyfriend. When challenged, she responded, “You get to see me all the time!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 113

Management

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 02:02

Today, I was fired because I spoke up about a supervisor mistreating me. The assistant VP spent the meeting demeaning me to “teach me a lesson” and then said she was firing me because I “stirred the pot." Man, I really loved that job but I won’t miss the toxic work culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 132

When people pleasing goes too far

By Maya R - 21/04/2023 09:30 - India - Delhi

Today, I had to break up with a friend who I couldn't tolerate as a boyfriend. I don't know if the reason was physical unattractiveness, bad body odour, or a forced relationship. The reason I said yes was I didn't want to lose a friend at workplace. I don't know why I had an aversion from him as a boyfriend. I hated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 789

By ihatemondays - 23/08/2012 06:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 629

You deserved it 14 337

Feeders

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me, after he intentionally made me fat so that I wouldn't leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 997

Nice try

By Nina - 21/04/2023 04:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into my roommate coming home at 9 a.m. She was wearing nice clothes, but somehow looked a bit run down. Figuring she was just coming back from a fun night out, I poked fun at her for coming home wearing last night's getup. Turns out it was a fresh outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 795

All shook up

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 22:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, in an effort to save some money, I attempted to paint my own house. Instead, I fell off the ladder and broke my dominant arm. Now I can’t work, brush my teeth, or even wipe my ass. My house is half-painted with stuff everywhere and I have 6 weeks to recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 277

BREAKING NEWS

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I got to find out via a news article that Tucker Carlson apparently wants to do the Green M&M cartoon from the commercials. I didn't need to know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 343

Kinky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 15:00

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 559

Cute trick

By Anonymous - 21/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. As the cop approached my car, my cat appeared out of nowhere, seemingly jumping out of behind the passenger seat, ran up my arm, and sat on my shoulder with his eyes like satellite dishes. The officer was too busy laughing to give me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 168

Teeth gang!

By pridekills - 19/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Mulberry

Today, my coworker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 203

You deserved it 9 024

By jc2011 - 25/09/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 302

You deserved it 3 053

Nope, not adding up

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 04:00 - Canada - LaSalle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend prefered being fully under the blanket during our first time to avoid being cold and to save electricity. This would've been completely fine by me if she didn't have IBS. Done the math yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 176

Bad doggo!

By Vicky - 22/09/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, I came home to find that my dog had destroyed my couch. The worst part? He buried his plastic toy bone inside the wreckage, so he clearly thinks this is his new personal sandbox play pit spot. I'm afraid to get a new couch and put it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 146

So eat it, just eat it

By jessie - 27/01/2022 05:01

Today, I was yelled at and called rude by my boyfriend’s mom because she made us dinner and I didn’t touch the broccoli. I’m a person who will normally bend over backwards to appear polite and courteous, but eating food I don’t like is where I draw the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 1 530

Body horror

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 13:00 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend. I was the little spoon. His hand moved to my chest (I'm less than an A-cup, but very full on my bottom half), and I playfully said, "No! Don’t touch my chest!" He replied, "Huh? I thought that was your rib cage!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 06:33 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 144

You deserved it 24 216

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 366

You deserved it 31 632

By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 847

You deserved it 3 584

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 143

Edgy

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 10:00

Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 257

Bigmouth

By Sardine - 18/12/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. Some kids started fighting and screaming at each other, so I leaned next to her and said, "Man, am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 469

You deserved it 33 065

By failbaby - 02/06/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 568

You deserved it 24 218

Alexa, play "Glad to be Unhappy" by The Mamas & The Papas

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 05:02

Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 549

I'm a grown-ass man!

By geodemaster - 30/01/2022 23:00

Today, I texted my dad, “My body hates me.” His response was, “No. You are pushing responsibility off yourself and refusing to do anything about it by saying that.” I was actively making a doctor’s appointment at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 421

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 075

You deserved it 33 093

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 503

You deserved it 21 163

Today, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me, saying things are moving "too fast". All I did was tell my 3 year-old that my boyfriend's parents are his new grandma and grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 3 547

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 985

You deserved it 2 688

Today, I'm 36 years-old, living with my parents, in debt. My mom always wants to solve my problems by giving me money, which she later claims as "borrowed", so now I'm highly in debt with the bank… and her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 470

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 227

You deserved it 4 178