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Sorry, but…

By Loveless - 29/10/2020 20:08

Today, my crush said that I was exceptionally ordinary. To my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 175

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 17:01

Today, my son finally stood up to his bully and gave him a smashing that he damn well deserved. I’m desperate to tell him how proud I am, but my wife won’t let me because “we’re not raising a thug” and after 17 years of marriage, I’ve learned arguing with her is pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 417

Couch potato

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 17:06

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 1 210

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 00:01

Today, after working 24 of the last 26 days, 12+ hour shifts in public safety, I find myself so exhausted, stressed, and depressed, that I'm literally sitting in bed, staring at the wall, waiting for my next shift. None of my hobbies or vices hold any interest for me whatsoever, and I'm being a bitch to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 05/10/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 352

You deserved it 2 738

Bored

By V.. - 08/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 373

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 02:07 - United States

Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 2 734

Why mother, why?

By Gee, thanks mom - 15/02/2022 14:00

Today, my mother yet again chose to put my brother's junkie of an ex-girlfriend's needs and happiness above mine, despite the fact that she's stolen thousands of dollars and anything else of value from my mom's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 99

This is great

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 23:00 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I started my day with terrible food poisoning and ending my day alone, with a boyfriend in jail. We've had one short conversation since he was arrested. My birthday is in three days, and we have no idea if he will be released in time because of the system working slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 477

By tkghan - 02/08/2013 14:53 - United States - Concord

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 480

You deserved it 6 177

Busblocked

By bummerdood - 26/08/2012 04:15 - United States - Wichita

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 801

You deserved it 8 021

Mean girls

By Imstuuuupid - 25/02/2022 00:01

Today, not even a month into the new semester, I have a hearing at the Dean’s office for academic dishonesty. My classmate and “friend” who I’ve been doing online quizzes with at home (considered cheating) decided to throw me under the bus, all because I wouldn’t let her borrow $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 089

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 14:51 - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 436

You deserved it 8 656

The babysitter's handbook

By ACHOOOOOOO - 14/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 183

By lft - 06/06/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 946

You deserved it 10 178

Thanks for that, whoever you are

By Anonymous - 17/09/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that somewhere out there someone has written my phone number on a pub bathroom wall, because now every couple of days or weeks I get random calls from heavy breathing pervs, or from guys wanting to know if I’m available, and how much I charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 84

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 12:00 - Austria - Graz

Today, at my mum’s birthday dinner, my brother-in-law used a Latin phrase in the wrong way. Since we all have learned Latin, I taught him the correct way until everyone facepalmed in my direction. He made a rather nice wordplay and now I’m known as the educated idiot who is too stupid to understand a simple joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 1 091

OCD or just a dingus?

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 00:00 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 338

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 356

You deserved it 34 367

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 4 699

Everlasting prank

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 06:00

Today, after my wife put hair remover on my chest hair in the shape of a cock and balls I while back, the hair has fully grown back but it’s darker and thicker so you can still see the shape, unless I start keeping it clean shaven all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 266

Messy

By ZackAMole - 23/09/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was finally about to propose to my girlfriend at a fancy restaurant. Just as I got down on one knee, the fire alarm went off and the entire restaurant had to evacuate. She thought I was joking, and now she’s mad at me for "messing with her emotions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 73

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:33 - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 306

You deserved it 3 053

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 209

Manchild

By Soontobeedivorced - 13/03/2022 22:00

Today, I confronted my husband about yet again going out “with the boys” and not coming home. I told him that as long as he has that ring on his finger, he’s gonna respect me, the kids, and our home. He responded by taking off his wedding band and throwing it to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 561

They all look the same to me

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 607

Thanks for the support

By BadMomma - 15/03/2022 15:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 149

By blink_kid - 10/08/2012 12:57 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 710

You deserved it 3 241

By sweatstreaks - 16/09/2011 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 127

You deserved it 11 526

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The Top

Today, I found out, after having my third and last child, that I'm balding. I'm only 23 and quite frankly It's very much noticeable. How did I find out? My four-year-old daughter pointed it out to me, saying, "Mommy, why you shed like the dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 258

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 898

You deserved it 63 768

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 732

You deserved it 12 827

Today, I woke up to 6 missed calls. I called back to find a woman asking how I know her boyfriend after seeing our texts. I told her he's been my boyfriend for 4 months, and she told me he's been hers for over a year. He vehemently denied knowing who I am as I spoke, even with obvious proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 311

Today, I spilled a bottle of honey on the floor while preparing breakfast. As I frantically tried to clean it up, my cat deemed it the perfect opportunity to slide and pad through the sticky mess like a slip-n-slide. Now, I have a honey-coated cat, a ruined floor, and a sticky mess to clean up before my roommates get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 122

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 904

You deserved it 9 175