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You guys are great. If I was broken up about this at all, I'd feel much better from a lot of the comments. I'd been flirting with this guy for a while, and this was the coldest he'd ever been to me. He met my friend that very night and wanted to get laid is all. But joke's on him--the friend's engaged! As for the whole maybe my friend told the joke better thing, it's not the kind of joke that needs a bunch of buildup and then a big punchline. It was more of a sarcastic comment-type thing. She didn't tell it any better than I did.

By Anonymous - 23/06/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 848

You deserved it 3 989

By the_music_major - 19/10/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 488

You deserved it 4 087

By JulieKid - 04/05/2009 17:19 - United States

Today, I stepped out of my car and slipped on a fresh coating of ice on the ground. I tried to catch myself by grabbing the car on my way down, but unfortunately, I was trying to grab with the hand that was holding my car keys. I key-scratched my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 556

You deserved it 7 813

Cash up front

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m a dealer at a casino so I get a lot of cash tips, which is a pain to deposit at the bank, so I use it to pay my rent in cash instead. I was unaware that paying rent in cash makes your landlord assume you are a prostitute and try to hire you for an evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 2 749

Please stop

By Gjkashldf - 04/05/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 990

You deserved it 57 828

By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 141

You deserved it 6 097

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I make less money than the temps at my job by over 2 dollars an hour. I've been working there the longest and do 75% of the job myself. I was told, "We'll think about it" when talking to upper management about getting equal pay or close to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 584

You deserved it 3 129

By swmmr - 07/08/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 478

You deserved it 14 110

Brain fart, episode 23

By edodge - 15/10/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the second floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the fifth press that I realized we were already on the second floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 797

You deserved it 28 892

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 730

You deserved it 30 498

How's about you go **** yourself, knobhead?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 334

By sunflower226 - 05/08/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 617

You deserved it 4 052

This boy

By GirlinGreen - 30/04/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year-old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me, and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 474

You deserved it 18 517

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 141

Nose to the grind

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, without realizing it, I just overstepped what is known in business as "The Competence Zone." Now any work that needs to get done properly (AKA all of it) is foisted off onto my overworked ass because I'm the only one who can do the work both competently and quickly. All I did was do the work I was given. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 156

Running man

By Anonymous - 05/01/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband ran in to get something, shouted that he “had to go, I’ll call you later, bye” then ran out. At no point did he notice the wrapped present, his favourite meal and beer, and me naked on the living room carpet waiting to celebrate his birthday. I still don’t know where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 93

By localbarista - 03/08/2011 23:46 - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 417

You deserved it 2 439

By ice_dancer_jake - 20/06/2019 02:28

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 224

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The Top

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 566

You deserved it 2 935

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 443

You deserved it 7 905

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 458

You deserved it 4 590

Today, I thought working through the holidays would mean little to do and the boss telling me stories all day. Actually, it meant having loads to do, while my boss was telling me stories regardless, effectively keeping me from doing the work he is paying me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 225

Today, my girlfriends and I had planned a movie night. When she got home, she took her laptop and some snacks we prepared, and spent the evening playing online games. When I asked if I should wait for her, she told me to go and "watch some shit on Netflix, I don't really care" without looking away from the laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 118

Today, I got my boyfriend naked for the first time. He had "Baby Fucker" tattooed over his groin. He had some weird explanation for it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking a baby, and it turned me off massively. I don't think I can keep dating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 87