The Top

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Stand up for yourself

By eff that asshole! - 26/06/2022 00:01

Today, I overheard my mom’s boyfriend viciously berating and verbally abusing her. I got in his face and started yelling that he can’t talk to her that way. He stormed out and we haven’t heard from him since. Now my mom is pissed and wants to kick me out for “ruining” her relationship. Sorry I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 130

What did you expect?

By Overzealous cop of the day - 10/04/2025 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, as a joke, I hopped in the front seat of a police cruiser and took a cute selfie while the officer was talking to someone on the sidewalk. A minute later, he dragged me to the ground and arrested me. Um… what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 1 496

By loser - 10/10/2009 20:45 - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done, I went to zip up, then realized I'd never unzipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 607

You deserved it 61 330

Don't know, don't care

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 00:00

Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 179

Oh, by the way…

By PaulieD - 19/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 193

Doing my part

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I didn't feel like cooking when I got home from work, so I decided to go to the local restaurant nearby and do my part in supporting small businesses. Long story short, I woke up later feeling like absolute shit. Hello, food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 96

By Charon - 09/10/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouted, "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 3 857

By neverakid - 14/04/2012 01:01 - United States

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 4 273

Parkour

By Anonymity - 28/03/2009 03:15 - Canada

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 771

You deserved it 5 626

Ignored

By Kim - 05/05/2021 04:01

Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, "I like your shoes!" He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 163

This needs clarification

By wrongdecisions - 05/07/2022 16:00

Today, some guy I’ve been talking to showed up at my house while I was on video call with my boyfriend. I had to confess to a stupid situation I had no business being in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 1 797

Duolingo

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, a client came in and was struggling to speak properly. He said, “Sorry, no good English” so I offered a Spanish speaking colleague who could assist. He frowned and said he was from Greece. He threw a fit and got my manager involved. I got a write up and have to do an online sensitivity training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 291

Fragile

By lithium-dreams - 16/07/2022 22:00

Today, I attempted to open a water bottle. My hand started bleeding before I was able to get the cap loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 171

Welcome to late stage capitalism

By Anonymous - 25/10/2023 08:00

Today, my manager denied our entire team the measly 2% raise he'd promised us months ago because it’s "not in the budget." Coincidentally, all the managers' free company cars were just upgraded from 10 year-old luxury Range Rovers to 2023 Mercedes and BMWs, due to record company profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 91

Totally deserved

By Clap - 22/07/2022 10:00

Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 6 738

Team building over a cliff

By Chris - 26/10/2023 14:00

Today, my company held another team building event, and it's annoying. It was third event for this month only. I like having fun, but we keep losing clients and revenue. Our boss knows this, but she keeps encouraging us to "find our energy and channel it into productivity." Next week, we're going to a beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 452

Pop off

By Anonymous - 24/04/2025 20:00 - Germany - Tostedt

Today, I couldn’t wait to get home and get my boyfriend naked, which I did. Although, to be honest, popping every single pimple in the rash on his back was not the kind of foreplay I had had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 127

Could you stop doing that, please?

By Scabs - 09/08/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 832

You deserved it 2 645

Almost made it

By casey - 25/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 916

You deserved it 26 483

Welcome to the family!

By MendozR - 26/07/2022 00:01

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s parents, hoping that they would like me. They made subtle, mean comments during dinner and made me feel like total crap, all because my boyfriend left his ex-wife for me. They don’t get that we’re both good and compatible for each other, and that’s what matters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 1 838

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 19:45 - United States - Piscataway

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 904

You deserved it 3 456

By Anonymous - 06/04/2012 07:24 - United States - Everett

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 27 997

This aged well

By rugs - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 202

You deserved it 5 935

What have been up to?

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 29/07/2022 22:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, while picking up one of my older kids from school, I started talking to another parent. He commented that it had been quite a year in the kindergarten, because every day his kids come home telling stories about two girls, Hannah and Pi, and all the things they did that day. Hannah is my daughter, Pi is her nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 218

Leadership qualities

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 20:00 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I learned that although I’m apparently not qualified to be a department supervisor, I’m entirely qualified to train the person who got the promotion over me, who has never worked in my department before. Boy, do I feel appreciated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 86

The neverending story

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 10:00

Today, I tested positive for COVID-19. I just spent 5 weeks at a job training and was supposed to go on holiday on Monday, the first since 2019. Now I can’t even go home and hug my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 191

In the bag!

By hiccups - 16/05/2021 14:02

Today, I had a job interview. I thought it was going pretty well, until I got the hiccups. The interviewer immediately said, "Yeah, I think we’re done here," and sent me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 92

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 012

You deserved it 48 823

Small world after all

By Carlos - 31/07/2022 16:00

Today, I competed in my first half marathon since getting my new wheelchair. The mile marker I was meant to follow turned out to be the ex I cheated on. I eventually outpaced her, only to bump into the ex who cheated on me. I’ve gotta stop shitting where I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 625

Good job

By kelster - 29/09/2019 06:01

Today, my roommate has a job interview. He only applied to the job yesterday. Meanwhile, I've been out of work for three weeks. I've applied to at least ten jobs. I have yet to get a call-back from any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 256

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The Top

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 398

You deserved it 11 845

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 2 705

Today, I confronted my mom about her drinking problems. After I blurted everything out, she completely denied it. She did this as she was drinking a huge cup full of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 144

You deserved it 2 385

Today, my sister and I had a bonding moment. It consisted of me plucking her chin hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 995

You deserved it 5 607

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 495

You deserved it 40 618

Today, I woke up and remembered that I'm in law school. Now, I'm about to go to sleep, and I'm still in law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 1 026