Miscellaneous: Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 50

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 991

01/04/2014 00:43

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 910

You deserved it 3 678

Mother of the year

Vulture

Hiding from the drama

06/01/2010 01:10

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 4 001

25/10/2013 11:54

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 21 342

Bootstraps

By thanks dad - 07/07/2021 07:01

Today, my dad paid for plane tickets for my brother’s girlfriend and her two kids so they could go to the family reunion on the other side of the country. He refused to buy my ticket though, because I "should’ve planned better." I lost my job due to Covid and used my savings to pay rent and bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 60

10/09/2011 05:05

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 297

30/06/2018 19:00

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 319

You deserved it 335

05/10/2009 02:01

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 34 616

Baby steps

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 13:00

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 2 712

20/04/2009 04:53

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 262

You deserved it 9 765

The bird

By Mariah Barnes - 24/07/2020 08:01

Today, I saved a baby bird from the site I work on. It was the runt and did not have any feathers and was neglected by the mother. I took care of it all day at work and planned on taking it to a wildlife reserve after work. Two minutes away from the reserve, we hit a pothole and I dropped it. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 202

04/09/2013 20:39

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 289

You deserved it 3 091

03/02/2012 12:48

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 887

You deserved it 50 152

21/07/2014 15:58

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 518

You deserved it 22 187

20/06/2016 07:13

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 633

You deserved it 13 582

21/02/2012 12:44

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 644

You deserved it 2 912

15/01/2010 21:30

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 300

You deserved it 8 231

22/11/2013 21:57

Today, I was taken to the principal's office and bitched out about the dangerous weapon I brought to school. The "weapon" was a pocket fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 814

You deserved it 3 195

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 244

28/08/2009 04:23

Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 858

You deserved it 14 434

Risky business

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 19:00

Today, I hooked up with a really great guy while I’m on a business trip. Would've been great, but found out he slept with someone else right after me, and stole my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 745

So special

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 111

10/03/2009 01:16

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 982

You deserved it 12 186

05/10/2014 17:48

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 954

You deserved it 3 129

13/10/2010 09:02

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 187

You deserved it 40 360

04/12/2009 12:48

Spicy

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 238

You deserved it 6 813

19/04/2009 20:49

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 702

You deserved it 86 224

23/05/2014 02:36

Spicy

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 529

You deserved it 17 134

Delayed

By inheritance - 05/05/2015 14:44

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 078

You deserved it 3 407

26/02/2017 08:00

Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 964

You deserved it 752

17/11/2009 04:01

Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and find out that my boyfriend of the past 6 years is supposed to be married in 2 days to what I thought was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 341

You deserved it 3 371

26/09/2011 01:52

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 5 746

08/12/2010 15:24

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 894

You deserved it 3 185

04/09/2016 18:57

Today, I participated in a walk for charity. Even though I was supposed to walk 5K, I stopped after 3K because the pain from my thighs rubbing together nearly sent me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 978

You deserved it 2 337

Harsh

By notonasoccertam - 06/09/2020 10:09

Today, I made my school's soccer team. I told the coach that since I have diabetes, I might need to sit out occasionally. He promptly erased my name and said he didn't accept "slackers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 187

24/07/2018 15:00

Today, my roommate told me that I have to find a new place to live because I make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. I just had surgery and am bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 636

You deserved it 163

18/10/2009 12:25

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 588

You deserved it 51 495

09/08/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 700

You deserved it 1 413

09/03/2016 13:52

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 630

You deserved it 1 446

04/05/2013 05:17

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 35 040

18/02/2009 22:09

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 229

You deserved it 3 956

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 95

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Top comments

chelsearenaeee 16

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:08

And that's our global economy. Good luck OP on the new job hunt, don't let it get you down!

viva_la_blondes 15

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:09

Surely you can be assigned to a different one if you tell them the situation.

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introductionn 13

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:05

Ooooh... Yikes. Kick some ass & take some names, & make them regret firing you, OP! Hope things get better.

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:56

Yeah that's the way to go about it...

syki 22

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 8:09

Do you mean… *metaphorically*…?

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 8:18

How many times have you been charged with assault #1?

syki 22

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:28

I suppose I should know better than to give anyone the benefit of the doubt on the Internet. :P

introductionn 13

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 1:26

Yes, I meant metaphorically. I'm sorry if my comment was misleading, haha, wow, that was a lot of negative feedback. I wasn't trying to imply assault. I apologize!

kissmeImawkward 17

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:08

they're assholes.you can do better than that OP.Good luck :)

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 8:15

Obviously not if OP needs unemployment benefits...

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 9:57

I know a lot of people who immediately go on to unemployment once they get fired. So benefits are not a mark of struggles, but the prevention of them in some cases.

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 10:50

also, since op worked there he/she probably has experience finding another source of income

chelsearenaeee 16

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:08

And that's our global economy. Good luck OP on the new job hunt, don't let it get you down!

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:09

Time for some sweet revenge

viva_la_blondes 15

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:09

Surely you can be assigned to a different one if you tell them the situation.

LostMy_Marbles 24

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 9:09

Easier said than done sometimes. Centrelink seems to be there just to make life difficult! Good luck OP

XxXBadAshXxX 27

Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:09

Time to take mental notes and prepare to be better than anybody else!

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:10

At least you are all on a first name base. Silver lining?

BoltTheSuperdog 22

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:16

Maybe you can ask to be assigned to a different place?

keirissleepy 10

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 5:05

if only Centrelink and workskill were so kind

malheartsnutmeg 20

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 6:09

When I was first sent to one of these 45, I was sent to a branch far from my house. I ask to swap to a different one for convenience and the did it, so I'm sure in this case they'd be more than happy to. The transfer goes through the job provider itself not Centrelink so there shouldn't be annoying delays.

pookiebear1001 13

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:22

Ouch :(

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:54

Irony, you don't say :)

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 17:36

This comment was so thoughtful and inspirational, you should think about writing for a living, you would make millions!!!

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:24

Thanks Obama.

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:38

Ever hear of the First World War? Obama did that too.

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 7:38

It's Australia.