The Top

Wow this made it. That day was kinda bad for tips and that just topped it. But I made a good amount it's just probably gonna be a rough month with money but I'll make it. Thanks guys.

Numb

By A.J. - 13/04/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 177

Extreme Masterchef

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 12:00

Today, after an argument a month ago, my husband has refused to do any cooking since. After a month without his food, I’ve realised at this point in our marriage his cooking is literally the only thing about him I like anymore. I think I want a divorce. Over food. What an end to a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 532

Never engage with crazy

By fxck - 20/07/2012 22:45 - South Africa - Durban

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 250

You deserved it 4 975

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 596

You deserved it 4 708

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 562

You deserved it 26 366

By bdaygirl - 03/12/2009 07:33 - United States

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 957

You deserved it 4 741

Who's fault is that?

By junie b - 03/03/2022 22:00

Today, I failed my driving test. Why? Before I even began driving, someone hit my car while it was still parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 83

Expensive hobby

By Anonymous - 12/06/2023 06:00

Today, my mom found my anime drawings and tore them up because she “didn’t raise some filthy porn artist.” I admit the pictures were kind of porny, but I’m an artist and those images were done to my customer's very specific description. My mom just cost me weeks of detailed drawing and £2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 387

By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - 26/06/2013 14:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 182

You deserved it 3 628

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 00:01 - Australia

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 299

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:36 - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 599

You deserved it 14 446

I'm innocent!

By DavidJ - 16/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 183

By polskibus - 31/01/2012 05:55 - Poland

Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had the brilliant idea to take out the trash at midnight after washing my hair. A minute later, my hair was completely frozen and I even managed to break some of it off. I can confirm that it was -30 °C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 252

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 728

You deserved it 14 015

Who stole Chewbacca?

By Tate - 16/04/2022 12:00

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 143

Back 2 school

By christine brown - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 129

You deserved it 3 809

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 707

You deserved it 3 596

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 14:28 - United States

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 284

You deserved it 11 336

Not now!

By Al - 20/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 104

By llord - 24/08/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 710

You deserved it 3 968

Seller appreciation day

By Anon. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 498

You deserved it 6 349

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 848

You deserved it 7 154

By w0rstdayever - 27/11/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 215

You deserved it 4 331

w0rstdayever tells us more.

w0rstdayever 5

Saturday 28 November 2009 4:48

OK, maybe it wasn't terrible. Except for the fact that this is what the site is for. It still sucks even if my life isn't ****** to shit.

Not funny

By Not laughing - 24/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to, again, explain to my girlfriend that her jokes about her cheating on me are not funny in any form. Not just because of the topic, but also that she actually has cheated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 549

By Wormy - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 235

You deserved it 30 447

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 643

You deserved it 4 098

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 427

You deserved it 539 943

Random

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 670

You deserved it 1 300

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 2 312

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 320

You deserved it 3 926

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 902

You deserved it 4 378

Today, I realized that I haven’t showered in a week. I feel disgusted that I took so long to notice, it didn’t even cross my mind at all. Due to my depression, I’ve lost all motivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 249

Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 115