Miscellaneous: Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had... - FML

By polskibus - Poland

Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had the brilliant idea to take out the trash at midnight after washing my hair. A minute later, my hair was completely frozen and I even managed to break some of it off. I can confirm that it was -30 °C. FML

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Crowded House

Class Wars - UK Edition

The bird

By constipated

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

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By Pain - United States - Andover

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every stick of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

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By whyyjustwhy - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my septum piercing stuck in a bag of cinnamon pine cones at Target. My boyfriend was wearing a red shirt with khaki pants, so all the other shoppers thought I had to call a Target employee over to "cut" me out of the bag. FML

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By inboxbuddies - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 10:59

Who's that weird guy?

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

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By :| - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I contacted a girl who dropped her ID at a club last night. I offer to drive 2 hours to return her ID to her. She is thrilled. When I arrive, she gives me a strange look, takes the ID, and runs back into her house. A two hour drive without even a thank you. FML

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By Anonymous

Fashion Week, Bitch

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

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By xmelissadavisx

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

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By Dan

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

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By SadlySally - United States - Memphis

Today, I think I met the one. I had the best date ever. We played mini golf and talked about all the things we had in common. After sharing a kiss, I said goodbye, with the promise to meet up again. Too bad he forgot to mention he was moving to Texas the next day. FML

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By Jigll

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

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By Shropintz - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML

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By box bulge - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

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By Ashamed - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to Home Depot because the lamp I'd bought there a few days ago was missing a part, and I wanted to get one that was complete. They wouldn't change it because it wasn't complete, and the policy said they wouldn't change anything that wasn't complete. FML

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By megamonster99 - United States - Silver Spring

Family

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

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By Pusillanimous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Checked out

Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML

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By partypooper - United States

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

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By CC - United States - Southfield

Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML

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By Ed - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

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By eakthegeek - United States

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

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By Mary

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

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By ThatTrafficCone - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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By booyouwhoree - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

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By boostedsaab - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

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By Calimero0

All-natural, Facebook-sourced, Mother-in-law

Today, my mother-in-law thinks she's the only person in the world who can stop the coronavirus crisis. So far, she has brought thyme, honey, lemons, parsley, ridiculously expensive and poisonous silver water and, of course, the cure-all: berry juice. You'd wonder how I have managed to keep my family alive until now. FML

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By lalala - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Floral Park

Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

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By Anonymous

Parked, indefinitely

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

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By duckyou

What the Duck?

Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face- first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML

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By M95 - Norway

Today, I'm a 15 year old boy who is bald. Why am I bald? My little brother thought it would be funny to put glue in my hair gel. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

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By LoveYouTooMa - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

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Top comments

By Furcorn_57 | 17

#6589873 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 1:35

FYL, OP. Your life sucks. I hope you were wearing decent clothes! First! Wait... This was 2012!

By _burstpoop | 4

#6594625 - Monday 2 May 2016 10:53

damn that's an old fml getting featured just now

COMMENTS

By Furcorn_57 | 17

#6589873 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 1:35

FYL, OP. Your life sucks. I hope you were wearing decent clothes! First! Wait... This was 2012!

Reply

kfchicken_fml | 31

#6594808 - Monday 2 May 2016 17:41

they must be running out of new fmls down at HQ

Reply

flyingflies | 36

#6603393 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 22:40

What are the sister sites?

By _burstpoop | 4

#6594625 - Monday 2 May 2016 10:53

damn that's an old fml getting featured just now

By laddoo | 3

#6594627 - Monday 2 May 2016 10:54

FML but 'Let it go'
it's 2016

Reply

clemagh | 7

#6594698 - Monday 2 May 2016 14:08

You're funny but im an ass

By LiGhTMaGiCk | 18

#6594633 - Monday 2 May 2016 11:29

This is why we need the you deserved it button. They really should've known better.

By potatomus62 | 19

#6594634 - Monday 2 May 2016 11:31

I was in poland a couple of weeks ago and it was sunny as shit. Wtf happened?

Reply

psychocunt | 20

#6594637 - Monday 2 May 2016 12:05

The date says 2012.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6594635 - Monday 2 May 2016 11:35

Cold as ice!!

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6594638 - Monday 2 May 2016 12:08

Anyone in the mood for a hairsicle?

By Tripartita | 44

#6594644 - Monday 2 May 2016 12:30

I've just imagined a Ben and Jerry's flavor I would not like to try.

By jumr0583 | 9

#6594706 - Monday 2 May 2016 14:32

30° Celsius isn't cold...

Reply

Mathalamus | 24

#6594710 - Monday 2 May 2016 14:36

its minus 30 degrees celsius. even for Canada, that's cold. i would have trouble going for a slurpee at that weather.

Reply

sturschaedel | 27

#6594780 - Monday 2 May 2016 16:55

Yeah, 30°C BELOW zero is really pretty cold. You would have to take a pickaxe if you'd want to go to the beach.

By bretzeller | 13

#6594813 - Monday 2 May 2016 17:51

I live in Northern Ohio. It regularly gets to 10 below zero Fahrenheit (vs. -22F, the OPS temp). That doesn't generally happen, and certainly not that quickly.