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By Anonymous - 04/03/2012 07:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 895

You deserved it 4 254

By JTo - 03/03/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 994

You deserved it 3 830

Let the man be happy!

By Anonymous - 16/02/2014 19:21 - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 248

You deserved it 3 874

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 15:54 - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 3 734

Sins of the Mother

By speedster - 24/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my science teacher if he'd had my mom when she went to my high school. He took one look at me, glared, and said, "Oh yeah, I remember HER." I have that class every day the rest of the year. Thanks a lot, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 302

By Nikki - 30/05/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 328

You deserved it 4 023

By gr8terevil - 02/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. Now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 011

You deserved it 16 938

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 208

You deserved it 2 639

Dude…

By Cass Lyles - 22/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was talking to my fiancé on the phone. I said, "Alright, see you in 10 minutes babe." My boss must have thought I was talking to him because he said, "Alright (my name), see you later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 290

Voice over

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 06:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized anytime I try to say anything, relatives will talk over me, change the subject, or go off on tangents about ancient family history that I don't want to hear for the 1000th time. Yet if I interrupt them once, I'm the bad one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 105

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 720

You deserved it 6 211

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 3 274

What were the chances?

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year-old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 129

You deserved it 7 022

By Whoopsie - 22/02/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 957

You deserved it 3 371

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 9 774

The state of sex ed…

By UnhappyGrandmama - 22/09/2022 23:00

Spicy

Today, my 17 year-old daughter texted me, “Mom I’m pregnat” Yes, exactly how you see it spelled. She’s a senior in high school. Oh, and she doesn’t know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 445

Moments of wonder

By secret123 - 24/02/2009 11:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 254

You deserved it 19 196

Gamers rise up

By Bruh. - 12/07/2021 04:01

Today, despite the fact that I've lived alone for four years, and have a well-paid job, my father is still whining about, "Why am I still playing video games at age 32?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 159

News to me

By Whitney - 09/10/2022 02:30

Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 154

By lonely - 12/04/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 086

You deserved it 7 769

Very posh

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 20:00 - United States - Staten Island

Spicy

Today, my parents found my box of condoms. I'm 20, so it's no big deal, and they commended my responsibility. What they don't know is I don't talk to any girls, and I bought those condoms to jerk off into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 435

By jet8725 - 23/02/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 259

You deserved it 3 952

By Kasey103 - 22/01/2013 23:39 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 238

You deserved it 49 507

Kasey103 tells us more.

Kasey103 10

Wednesday 23 January 2013 21:49

In my defense, when she said, "Dresden is in Germany, Sweetie." I knew exactly where it was. My cousins are from Leipzig. I guess her accent just made the name sound funny. But thank you all for adding your two cents about the American education system.

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 646

You deserved it 58 302

Bear of a man

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/03/2020 15:00

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 516

By taperjeangirl - 21/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 781

You deserved it 10 569

Good deed, but still…

By poor guy - 13/03/2020 05:16 - United States

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 170

By ZaraAce - 15/04/2011 11:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 236

You deserved it 4 771

By spinner - 01/09/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 749

You deserved it 5 470

By lulu - 11/02/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 324

You deserved it 4 725

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Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 109

You deserved it 34 430

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 577

You deserved it 4 573

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 750

You deserved it 3 063

Today, I went on yet another date with this beautiful young lady from my job. I can’t help but feel bad because ever since my wife gave birth to our kid she’s been sluggish and puffy, and I’m not attracted to her anymore, but I don’t know how to leave her because my son would be without a father. I hate this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 2 614

Today, I texted my cousin to ask if he and his wife got the baby onesie I sent, as they are expecting their first child together. Turns out they got it, but it upset his wife as she had recently lost the baby. No one had told me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 74

Today, I sent a screenshot of my ex’s new partner to my best friend with a caption saying, “She looks like a melted candle.” Of course, I sent it directly to my ex. He replied with, “She’s right next to me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 633