Love: Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband... - FML

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 8 853

You tried

Hello, Goodbye

Ed Sheeran-lite

That's sick

By Howww_06 - 04/09/2021 11:01 - Denmark

Today, my teacher said that since I was sick last week, I had to do all the work that the others had done, which i didn't know of because no one said anything about it. So now I've got to watch a total of 5 hours-worth of documentaries, and write analysis of them. Before tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 150

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 81

By anonymous - 05/07/2013 06:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 625

You deserved it 3 378

By gutted - 21/04/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 418

You deserved it 3 527

By tallvet - 22/03/2018 19:00

Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 880

You deserved it 283

* facepalm *

By Sucker - 01/07/2018 01:30

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 023

You deserved it 301

By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 965

You deserved it 12 665

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 470

You deserved it 63 492

My new house

By Anonymous - 22/01/2013 08:27 - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 364

You deserved it 13 450

Whiner!

By mrjude - 28/10/2019 04:00

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 99

By fuckingdieyouoldhag - 20/05/2014 20:08 - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 568

You deserved it 9 606

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 14:30 - United States - Alexandria

Today I was offered an opportunity on Instagram from a local lady to take photos of her home for her. I told my friends, because I was shocked. They were shocked too. But in the nicest terms possible, they were shocked because my Instagram "isn’t really professional enough to get such offers." Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 137

By ally - 03/02/2009 19:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 103

You deserved it 8 486

By stickyhair - 18/04/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 881

You deserved it 3 292

Adding insult to injury

By lol - 23/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boss fired me. Then later on Facebook, his public status was, "Finally fired the sumo wrestler!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 79

By pwndbykidz - 09/08/2009 23:54 - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 737

You deserved it 68 167

By Chris - 01/01/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 407

You deserved it 3 907

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 749

You deserved it 9 536

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 770

You deserved it 2 421

By Oh_Well - 11/10/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 241

You deserved it 3 113

By drew - 07/09/2010 17:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 549

You deserved it 5 296

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 06:01

Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 352

By Emil - 20/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 058

You deserved it 89 967

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 02:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 222

You deserved it 4 921

By kenz - 06/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 334

You deserved it 2 540

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 15:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 773

You deserved it 3 751

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 981

You deserved it 3 682

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Bloomfield

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 801

You deserved it 1 561

By OhGodKillMeNow - 26/12/2009 11:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my family and I are driving down to France and it's going to take 4 hours. If that wasn't bad enough, my mum decides that she is going to listen to the CD my sister bought her for Christmas on repeat for the whole journey. It's Lady Gaga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 967

You deserved it 9 232

By heightdifference - 28/11/2013 16:34 - United States - Memphis

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 965

You deserved it 5 911

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 328

By SMV - 11/11/2008 06:53 - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 5 890

First impressions

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 07:51 - Australia

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied, "I'm Kate thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 531

You deserved it 5 410

By skating101 - 08/12/2009 02:32 - Canada

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 855

You deserved it 29 001

By patty - 13/01/2009 02:47 - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 3 441

By BerzerkelyBongBabe - 23/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 246

You deserved it 6 240

By nick - 22/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 182

You deserved it 13 256

By Seanzy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 884

You deserved it 6 836

By n0taplumber - 16/11/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 737

You deserved it 4 799

By Mike - 01/03/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 640

You deserved it 133 759

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Top comments

Southerndatageek 2

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:15

Who has a serious conversation like that via text?

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:18

YDI for trying to have a serious conversation via text.

Comments

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:02

Nice.

Qluz 3

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:14

free hugs?! i need some loving :(

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:11

NO! he's gonna eat you!

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 14:13

well, atleast he isn't drugged....

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 14:44

she drove him to drinking. at least drinking is a wee bit better than drugs, and it's legal ;-)

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:57

"serious conversation over text" That is all I heard.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:29

you heard that ??? wow.. you must have an awesome phone / computer.. I could only read it. :(

MaximilianMarche 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 18:15

yeah youre way behind bi*ch. get the new smart phone. theyre calling it the smartass

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:55

to the people who didn't associate alcohol with drugs, you may want to do a little research on a list of the top ten most lethal drugs for any human being. alcohol is generally number 4 or 5. Just because it's socially acceptable wherever u reside doesn't make it less harmful for you and the people around you. http://www.bukisa.com/articles/269114_the-most-dangerous-drugs

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Friday 4 March 2011 8:46

:D love that app

soccerchickrocks 0

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 19:12

then don't try to tell him over text dipshit

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:06

Im sorry, i wont do it again:( Today my wife was trying to make me stop using drugs by text. I dont remember s#!t

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Friday 4 March 2011 1:57

texts are never serious

Southerndatageek 2

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:15

Who has a serious conversation like that via text?

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:29

IKR, who does that

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:47

was thinking the same thing...

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 9:03

Exactly. There can be no "serious conversations" had through texting.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:42

I agree 100%...If you use text messages to carry on "serious conversations" with your SPOUSE of all people, you deserve what you get because you're an IDIOT! I would guess if you just grow the fuck up, he just might start listening to what you have to say...

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:02

My exact thoughts. YDI OP.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 18:06

I wanted to post that, oddly enough, word for word

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Sunday 6 March 2011 17:51

I was thinking just that

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:15

Oviously your fault.. You shoul care more about him!

killedmyteacher 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 22:54

your a real fucking idiot you stupid Niger! How can you blame her? you don't live their, you don't know how much time she spends with him. he just made some bad choices doing drugs.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 6:37

He's a Niger? As in the third-longest river in Africa? You sound stupid, I would stop name calling if I were you.

dansco 24

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:16

Spot the error "serious discussion over text"? Text ffs!!! Try talking to him, more likely to listen and he came home drunk so he's not high ;)

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 10:32

Well einstein, guess what alcohol is a drug, retard.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:26

I don't know the textbook definition of drug but I doubt alcohol falls under it

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:31

Lmfao! Of course alcohol is a drug!!

chippa 24

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:42

How can you even second guess whether alcohol is a drug? That's not lack of education, that's just sheer stupidity. Of course it is a drug. Grow a brain.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:53

Alcohol is even a harddrug.

love_me_electric 20

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:52

I would rather someone I loved came home stoned than drunk. At least pot doesn't make people act like obnoxious pricks (That I've seen anyways) and it's a lot less dangerous.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 14:21

56 OP is prob not talking about weed.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:53

maybe he needed the boose to have a serious text conversation with OP...

YayaInLalaLand 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:18

Who the hell stages a mini-intervention over text? I'm sure you care about your husband, which is why you need to get his loved ones and TALK, not text.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:18

YDI for trying to have a serious conversation via text.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:19

When I read that I instantly clicked YDI

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:25

Your texting pushed him into a drinking sesh. Shame on you!

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:27

Agreed! You don't have a serious convo thru text, if ya really cared about the situation u would've sat down with him and talked face to face.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 9:26

Hmmm, I don't know if I should let this one go or not? By the way, does anyone know what "thru" means by any chance? I thought it was always through?

chippa 24

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:04

Yes, "thru" is shorthand for "through," Genius.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:47

Did you seriously just try to play "Undercover Grammar Nazi" while proudly wearing a username of "I_R_Genious"? I understand the attempt of wit through irony, but in my book you just look like a dolt...

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 14:38

Apparently no one has sarcasm anymore. *facepalm* You must be new here #54, so please don't try and act smart when you're really not.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 14:56

THRU is the informal, simplified spelling of the word through. Look it up in the dictionary.

fearthereaper79 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:37

At least he wasn't high

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 124

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 297