The Top

Hey OP here. To help clarify some things. To those that were confused, yes she broke up with me. Apparently she didn't want the relationship to begin with. Thanks everyone for the support, but please keep the comments clean. She might have broke my heart but that doesn't make her any less of a person.

By StillDrowsy - 09/10/2009 12:29 - United States

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 220

You deserved it 7 381

Brief encounter

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 736

You deserved it 1 433

Clueless

By jobless1 - 05/07/2015 04:04

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "LMAO" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 703

You deserved it 2 137

By MGDS - 14/12/2013 05:52 - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 214

You deserved it 3 275

By sneezer - 30/12/2008 04:54 - France

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 189

You deserved it 7 046

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 493

You deserved it 2 907

By WartCream - 18/08/2013 00:27 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 672

You deserved it 4 847

Jump scare

By izzy46111 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 496

You deserved it 5 325

By SelfServiced - 03/11/2014 01:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 988

You deserved it 6 626

By trees - 24/07/2013 16:44 - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 347

You deserved it 2 939

I'm not, but…

By Queerbait - 05/11/2015 06:52 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother insisted she's not homophobic, but however people only 'turn gay' because they were sexually abused, or are 'making it up to get attention'. She informed me I'm the former and my girlfriend is the latter. Uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 866

You deserved it 2 424

By fml - 02/11/2016 08:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 1 270

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 19:38 - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 567

You deserved it 8 493

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 050

You deserved it 3 537

By Sarcasmo - 12/07/2016 20:04 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 881

You deserved it 1 307

By sarahmaxine - 09/05/2015 04:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 608

You deserved it 2 122

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The Top

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 766

You deserved it 5 226

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 927

You deserved it 9 102

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 131

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 3 185

Today, in his will, my dad laid the blame squarely at my feet for his depression, alcoholism, liver failure, suicide attempt and eventual death, not because of anything I did, just for being born in the first place. He never wanted a kid, resented becoming a dad and drank to make the depression bearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 014

You deserved it 133

Today, I got my report card, and thought I did pretty well with a GPA of 3.58. My parents freaked out over the 3 B's I had, and proceeded to look up which colleges would still accept me. I just finished my first quarter as a freshman in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 125