By sarahmaxine - United States - Las Vegas Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML I agree, your life sucks 30492 You deserved it 2093 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Japan Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML I agree, your life sucks 17422 You deserved it 91461 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By forever alone - United Kingdom Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML I agree, your life sucks 20591 You deserved it 74236 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Garry the Gluten-Free Pizza - United States Today, I was carjacked. As he shoved me away from my car, I got hit by another car. He and the other car both drove off. FML I agree, your life sucks 16537 You deserved it 1034 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thnxbabe Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML I agree, your life sucks 36573 You deserved it 7524 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 20month dry spell Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML I agree, your life sucks 4656 You deserved it 1342 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dank meme - United States - Chicago Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML I agree, your life sucks 5304 You deserved it 3864 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML I agree, your life sucks 27517 You deserved it 3077 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 29649 You deserved it 3434 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lehonX9 - Germany - Hanover Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML I agree, your life sucks 30674 You deserved it 9677 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML I agree, your life sucks 11960 You deserved it 45915 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cakeman - United States Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML I agree, your life sucks 8271 You deserved it 51654 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thatkid - Singapore Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML I agree, your life sucks 18665 You deserved it 56415 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States The straights are at it again Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1878 You deserved it 283 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sean - Canada - Toronto Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML I agree, your life sucks 17998 You deserved it 1004 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Portland Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML I agree, your life sucks 23276 You deserved it 1693 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bee - Canada Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML I agree, your life sucks 40836 You deserved it 8283 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iPhonekid - United States - San Antonio Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML I agree, your life sucks 35370 You deserved it 7832 214 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mel - United States - Smithville Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 24288 You deserved it 5231 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThatsNotRight - United States Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML I agree, your life sucks 30739 You deserved it 4406 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hockeymango57 J'accuse...! Today, one of my friends blew a giant vape cloud and the principal saw and called us into his office. We blamed each other, so the principal checked both of our backpacks. Apparently, my friend snuck his pen into my bag somehow. I don't even vape. FML I agree, your life sucks 3946 You deserved it 614 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UnluckyReporter - United States - Lexington Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML I agree, your life sucks 19173 You deserved it 2911 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gabrielguitar - United States Thanks, I guess… Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML I agree, your life sucks 58772 You deserved it 5290 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By woodchuck0022 - Canada Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML I agree, your life sucks 13401 You deserved it 30769 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poop - United States Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML I agree, your life sucks 69876 You deserved it 22041 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML I agree, your life sucks 27419 You deserved it 4059 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML I agree, your life sucks 23729 You deserved it 1677 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By riappp - United States Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 24850 You deserved it 41557 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML I agree, your life sucks 1960 You deserved it 272 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By didi - France Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML I agree, your life sucks 17805 You deserved it 19489 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BikerGuy - Canada - Alhambra Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 21754 You deserved it 2170 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blovesg - United States Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML I agree, your life sucks 41264 You deserved it 538063 797 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notfromanisland Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML I agree, your life sucks 23080 You deserved it 2471 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sistermonster - France - Salon-de-provence Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML I agree, your life sucks 25405 You deserved it 37772 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jigglepuff - United States - Scottsdale Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 38643 You deserved it 6721 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badbirthday - Canada Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML I agree, your life sucks 127128 You deserved it 46333 200 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oh-Shit! - United States Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML I agree, your life sucks 47082 You deserved it 5464 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML I agree, your life sucks 10606 You deserved it 57355 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 48897 You deserved it 4329 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By guessimdead - United States Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML I agree, your life sucks 60936 You deserved it 3697 170 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FrOsTy25 Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML I agree, your life sucks 50665 You deserved it 7615 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sammiking | 13 #6286472 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:48 Your mom is a little crazy Send a private message 187 6 Reply
By TweetAnne | 13 #6286486 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:53 Could of sworn dogs got fleas and not lice. Send a private message 185 6 Reply
By sammiking | 13 #6286472 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:48 Your mom is a little crazy Send a private message 187 6 Reply
Reply CBOokami | 13 #6286686 - Sunday 10 May 2015 4:09 Or misinformed Send a private message 2 9 Reply
Reply Kazze | 31 #6286690 - Sunday 10 May 2015 4:17 35: Nah, just crazy. Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply sonasonic | 34 #6286998 - Sunday 10 May 2015 10:16 "Little" dosen't cover the insanity here. Send a private message 9 1 Reply
By meatloaf11 | 23 #6286473 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:49 Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway Better safe than sorry Send a private message 9 47 Reply
Reply feven | 32 #6286488 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:53 Humans can't even get lice from dogs so what she did was just plain stupid Send a private message 53 2 Reply
By Rstein14 | 14 #6286475 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:50 Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway She's probably just over sensitive about cleanliness don't read into it too much Send a private message 3 35 Reply
Reply Lexipants | 21 #6286545 - Sunday 10 May 2015 0:03 Lice don't like a dirty environment, so... Send a private message 25 3 Reply
By Markovski | 18 #6286479 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:51 You should talk to your mom about it and tell her how you feel about what she did. Send a private message 22 6 Reply
By jmigs17 | 19 #6286482 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:52 Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway Your mom is a prime example of what is wrong with cat people. Send a private message 9 51 Reply
Reply myanichole | 22 #6286533 - Saturday 9 May 2015 23:49 ... Just because she's not a dog person doesn't mean she's a cat person. Send a private message 39 2 Reply
By seninaa | 27 #6286483 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:52 that sound very considerate Send a private message 1 9 Reply
By erin55378 | 17 #6286484 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:52 Wait so that's not a normal thing to do...? Whoops. Send a private message 52 7 Reply
By TweetAnne | 13 #6286486 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:53 Could of sworn dogs got fleas and not lice. Send a private message 185 6 Reply
Reply feven | 32 #6286500 - Saturday 9 May 2015 23:00 No, they can get either. It's just not transferable to humans Send a private message 12 1 Reply
Reply siggy_mcsigx | 22 #6286541 - Sunday 10 May 2015 0:01 Could've* Send a private message 18 3 Reply
Reply Xamry14 | 10 #6286646 - Sunday 10 May 2015 2:36 No, head lice can only live on humans. Send a private message 1 3 Reply
Reply Calingaladha | 21 #6287434 - Sunday 10 May 2015 21:01 They can get lice (most animals can), but lice are very species-specific, so dog lice will not live on humans, and vice-versa. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By SadSouthernBell | 18 #6286489 - Saturday 9 May 2015 22:53 I take it she hasn't had much experience with dogs. Send a private message 21 2 Reply
Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked... I agree, your life sucks 704 You deserved it 128 5 Comments
Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him... I agree, your life sucks 267 You deserved it 3337 22 Comments