By ashleigh_anarchy - 21/02/2012 01:05 - Australia
ashleigh_anarchy tells us more.
Just to follow things up. It has only been a month since she passed away. She was pretty much my best friend. She had been sick for all of my life and I looked after her for as long as I remember. In the last three months she was completely bedridden. She was a very strong woman and was expected to live 20 years less than she did, but I absolutely couldn't believe it when she died because of how much she carried on and of course I cared about it more than anything. It was the hardest thing I've ever experienced, and am still experiencing. The cat in question was a stray cat, and I posted this because why the fuck would I post an FML on the day she died? I can tell you now I was doing a lot more important things. This is my reaction to an idiot one month later, who said 'Sorry about your mum. I know how you feel, my cat died'. Nothing should be more important than the relationship with your mother. If you never got to have a good relationship with yours, I'm very sorry. But yeah, I have lost pets and I was distraught but NOTHING can compare. If you haven't lost a close parent, you can't imagine.
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While the death of a parent would be one of the hardest things to go through, people really underestimate the grief people feel when they lose a pet. I lost my dog last year, and it was actually the hardest deaths I've experienced, so while it may sound stupid for someone comparing their cat dying to your mum, it probably was on some level the same amount of pain..
I understand where you're coming from 107, but I have to disagree. I recently lost my dog, who we had for about ten years. I was very sad for days, but it didn't compare to when I lost my grandma a couple of years earlier. It's just different. A human being is irreplaceable. They leave a void in your life forever, whereas a pet can eventually be replaced. I love my new dog just as much as I loved Julie, my old dog. There is still something missing in my life and that directly relates to my grandma being gone.
107- I've lost both pets and people. One of my birds I had to euthanize myself because it was an emergency situation. I love my pets, but I'd never compare my pet being killed by a hawk to my best friend being murdered. I've experienced both and the latter was far worse. I wanted to hit every person who said "oh my dog died I know how you feel" while I dealt with the fear my friends killer would be let free to kill again.
So Im totally insulted my mom died and someone thought animals were important enough to be an example of sorrow 1)Animals may not be important to YOU but I and a lot of others feel like they are just as important 2)Their cat could of been sliced bread to them and they cried for years when it die
that's terrible. i'm sorry OP. some people don't put things into perspective
I'm sorry but I feel that was not such a bad thing...I mean, hopefully, no one has to go through that, and only a few people do, but everyone else can't even imagine it and only can use the closest thing to it. I'm sure the friend was honestly trying to sympathetize with OP, and not in the best way, but she's not at fault.
49- It wasn't a friend, just someone saying it. There is no comparison, I can understand loving an animal greatly as I love my cat and dog. Though neither raised you, were there for you when you were sick, told you stories to help you fall asleep, always supporting whatever venture you took, didn't judge you like everyone else, etc etc. If someone compared my mother's death to a cats, I'd be livid. That's completely disrespectful and better to just keep quiet then spew out garbage like that. I'm sorry for your loss OP.
I don't understand why people feel that the comparison is so horrible. Some people look at their pets as a real member of the family. You also have to take the person saying that into consideration. What if they weren't close to their mother, what if the cat was all that they had? That would be devastating to them, just as OP losing their mother. So maybe the person actually meant well. Either way, sorry for your loss OP.
No 82, not everyone thinks of pets as being interchangeable with humans, so if you are going to equate the death of a pet to the death of someone's mother, you'd better be Goddamn sure this person thinks pets are equal to moms before you open your piehole. Otherwise you sound like a callous asshole who has so much trouble with interpersonal relationships that you are reduced to removing the line of demarcation between animals and humans. Frankly, there is no circumstance in which the death of a cat is in any way equitable to the death of a parent and to make such a statement to a bereaved person is just plain asinine. It's much better to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss" and zip it than to try to show empathy for the loss of a mother with the loss of Fluffy.
So if your mother abused you or abandoned you and you had a pet that was your best friend in life, their death wouldn't be a bigger deal than your bastard mother's? I agree that I don't think people should say this kind of thing to other people since you don't know how they'll react, but to some people the loss of a pet IS as big a deal as the loss of a parent, if not bigger if they have bad parents.
Look, OP's mom just died. Nobody wants to hear stupid shit like this in their grief. It might seem ok to you but it's not funny when you're in OP's shoes. Also, what does it matter if it's a friend or not?! It shouldn't have been said. You can get another cat but you can't replace a parent. If you can't empathize or at least sympathize, you probably shouldn't say anything.
For some people, a pet is just as much a family member as any human could be--like a child. And any mental health professional will tell you the loss of a child is one of the worst forms of grief anybody could experience. So while the person who brought up their cat was lacking in tact, I can't begrudge them their feelings.
Like honestly, I have no pets and I'm more of a dog person too, but the point is the death of a close loved one is something that kills you. You don't look at their value in life or any of that and then attribute an amount of grief (unless you're a third party, like we all are), but I agree in the long run, the death of the mother is a lot worse since you can never really get another one.
Sure you can, your dad can remarry. Then you'll have a stepmom. Sure you can get another pet, but it won't be the same as the last one. My dogs that I have now did not "replace" my childhood dog. They're totally different with totally different personalities.
#73-- but what about people who lose children? Children don't raise you or tell you stories, yet people whose children die often describe it as being worse than when a parent dies... You don't need to be raised by someone or something to love it and miss it! Also, you could say that women who get more upset over miscarriages than the death of a pet are illogical because the fetus never actually DID anything. Everyone feels differently, so you can't hate on a devoted pet owner for being upset when a pet dies...
#189-- But not every cat is the same. I don't have a cat and can only speak for dogs, but each dog has a different personality. Just because you get another dog, even of the same breed, doesn't mean it'll be "the same" as the one you had before. Similarly, your dad can remarry 30 times and give you 30 different stepmoms, but they won't be "the same" as your mom. Or your sibling can die, but your parents can have more, etc. The same applies to pets.
22 - "Harmless joke"? You're joking around on an FML where someone's mother died. There's no place for jokes when a death is involved, ESPECIALLY when it's family. There are plenty of other FML's to be immature on, stop trying to justify your post and shut up. Please, you'll only save yourself from showing more disrespect. As for the FML, that's horrible! I hope whoever said that had a bitch slap of Karma extra quick.
The joke isn't even about the death of the OP's mother it's about how people actually feel that pets are like people, sons, daughters and etc. Now to say that it was inappropriate I would disagree that was what the post was all about, not about a death but about a death in relation to a pet
I personally don't think the person who compared the death of their cat to OP's mother should receive a healthy dose of karma. No one knows that person's story. Maybe they don't have any family, maybe all they have are their animals. It could be just as devastating to them as the death of OP's mother.. Some people really do see their animals as being part of the family, a legit member.
Some people feel that way about their pets. It's weird to me but to each his own.
Exactly. Although I understand OP's resentment, you really don't know how much that cat meant to that person. Who are we to say that said person and his/her cat didn't share an extremely strong bond, maybe even one as strong as that of a beloved family member. Yeah, it's somewhat strange, but honestly, it isn't as if you can't love an animal as much as you love a person.