Hitted?

21- an attempt at the past tense of hit. Sadly it was a failed attempt.

27, don't you mean a faileded attempt?

Oh yes..how silly of me.

That's Allstate's stand... Are you in good hands?...

I'm imagining progressively bigger toe trucks coming for the fallen one before it.

Then come the foot trucks and the sock trucks and finally... the shoe trucks!

Yeah autocorrect turned itself into an autocowreck and left me with toe, realised it too late.

Towception

#18 Heh... progressive.

That's been commented twice, so no need to establish it again.

25, he could've commented that before he saw someone else had beaten him to it. Happens to me all the time. Relax.

Don't be a bitch online.

25 - The comments you mentioned were posted 1 and 2 minutes before 5's post. They were most likely posted while 5 was reading the FML and moving down to comment. Seeing as the comments aren't updated in real time I think we can give 5 a pass.

Yeah, I didn't see the other comments until after I posted mine. ._.

I'll forgive you, thief.