Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial...

By allyshah - 20/02/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 651

You deserved it 6 375

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 1 671

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 758

You deserved it 3 622

By wtf - 12/07/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 037

You deserved it 14 508

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 4 922

By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 10 410

Big awkward moment

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 830

You deserved it 42 641

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 681

You deserved it 60 130

By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 066

You deserved it 4 922

By donkeyd - 05/02/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 2 481

And you ask find yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

By soontobesingle - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 006

You deserved it 4 408

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:14

I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.

shinshoku13 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:56

Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him

Comments

bambi_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

shinshoku13 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:56

Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him

SirDirtyRedD 15

Thursday 21 November 2013 13:48

i agree #61

ridiculous_gnome 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:07

****... thats a scar that will not heal... ever... move on

Alice_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:13

Hopefully it was a joke, albeit a rather tasteless one. Try going for your phone at better times in the future!

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:14

I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.

ryguy997 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 2:52

EXACTLY.

je_tdwp 4

Friday 15 July 2011 6:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ridiculous_gnome 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:21

hum... but... if she's listening to the tv guy saying "have a smal poking device my friend?" and she is automatically thinking about the dude... well... thats no good sign...

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:28

If I heard one of those, especially while I was with my boyfriend, the natural train of thought for me would be "Penises....most recent penis I've seen.... my boyfriend's".

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:30

And yeah, #6, the average is apparently 5 inches. On the internet everyone seems to claim 7-9 inches though, and that would definitely hurt me. E-penises are gigantic. **** doesn't help society's expectations either.

sillypun 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:36

I'm no horse but my girl is rather shallow.... Not sure she could handle more and I don't get to fully thrust.

Crow801 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:44

I don't think all **** stars pack a 45 inch penis.

Hannah_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 0:04

#10.... I don't think anyone does. and #11- only the first two inches of the vaginal canal are sensitive, therefore all a man really needs is 2.5" to satisfy their woman.