Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work...

By hardlyworking - 4/3/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

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Work

Abuse

Hello everyone!

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 05:43 - United States

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

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By khaoslife - 18/4/2015 03:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

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By what... - 15/9/2013 18:47 - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

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By Joey - 24/7/2012 05:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2020 17:00

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

Today, my boss gave me attitude for not going to back to work this Friday. I'm a massage therapist and where I live, it's currently illegal to practice during the pandemic. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

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By downgirl - 4/11/2015 06:02 - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By Steven, Customer Service - 17/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Dover Plains

"Where are the white women at?"

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

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By Madi Jenna - 4/5/2011 17:31 - United States

Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

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By NeverEscaping - 3/2/2013 00:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

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By alyssac11 - 25/5/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

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By Lea - 16/1/2012 20:18 - Denmark

Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML

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By notevencatnipworks - 27/8/2018 13:00

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML

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By Lesbihonest - 17/6/2015 13:31 - Australia - Gymea

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

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By dumpedtaco - 18/2/2018 19:00

Today, as I was planning my impending nuptials with my fiancé, my sister jokingly told him it's not too late to call it off. He took her seriously and bailed. He won’t answer my calls. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

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By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/6/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

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By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2019 00:01

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

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By Emmy - 2/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 16:27 - United States - Spanaway

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2016 15:32 - United States - Wexford

Today, my aunt informed me that my dad thinks my boyfriend is a loser deadbeat because he hasn't proposed to me after two years of dating and co-habitation. He hasn't asked because I already made it very clear I have no interest in marriage. FML

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By wowjuststop - 3/10/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

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By my cheese grater + your dick - 17/1/2014 17:35 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

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By fml_for_real - 4/2/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

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By billjoebob424 - 7/2/2020 01:00 - Canada

My pleasure

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

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By Kendall14159 - 22/5/2016 02:14 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

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By 4evalone - 22/4/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

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By SayItToMyFace - 11/11/2015 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 17:00

Mind control

Today, after my fiancee gave me $100 to spend at the garden center as my Mother's Day gift, when I was on my way home from the center, he called and yelled at me because I didn't get what he wanted me to get. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2019 16:00

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

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By idiot - 9/7/2012 21:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

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By Pill popping zit monster - 23/12/2016 04:16

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2019 14:05

Today, I finally hit rock bottom when I broke down in tears because I forgot to feed my cats in Neko Atsume. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 12:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML

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By JellicleCat - 24/4/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

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By lulumars - 14/6/2015 17:06 - United States

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

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Top comments

By scottovious | 0

#2148933 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:44

Dumb Shit. YDI idiot... get your resume ready...

By badluckwind | 0

#2148940 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:44

as long as you weren't looking at porn!

COMMENTS

By scottovious | 0

#2148933 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:44

Dumb Shit. YDI idiot... get your resume ready...

prinzess_fml | 25

#2149102 - Friday 4 March 2011 11:02

yeah, you should be grateful for having a job. how dare you not appreciate it?

By RinnieRiot | 9

#2148938 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:44

What where you looking at?

i_love_grrr | 0

#2148971 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:48

that's what i was wondering. lol

i_love_grrr | 0

#2148989 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:53

I'm pretty positive you meant were though, not where lol XP

By badluckwind | 0

#2148940 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:44

as long as you weren't looking at porn!

scottovious | 0

#2148963 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:47

The internet is for Porn!

badluckwind | 0

#2149026 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:23

true that.

lerouxmaster | 7

#2149549 - Friday 4 March 2011 16:14

Because I have a huge banana. Wanna taste my banana juice ?

meelo88 | 13

#2149662 - Friday 4 March 2011 16:50

haha Aveune Q!

By wtfbtwily | 0

#2148944 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:44

porn?

XBCX96 | 4

#2149752 - Friday 4 March 2011 17:29

Porn...

By ambowew | 7

#2148952 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:45

So your boss caught you looking at porn during an important conference call, big deal. It's not like you wanted the job, with your behavior.

By marinus_fml | 19

#2148968 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:47

No problem there. Unles of course you were also on webcam wanking over porn....

By Thanatos1206 | 0

#2148969 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:48

Was it 2 girls 1 cup??

scottovious | 0

#2148986 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:53

Worse Yet... A Justin Bieber meets Twilight meets Jersey Shore fansite.

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2148987 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:53

So you're the OP?!

scottovious | 0

#2148994 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:55

Perhaps... then again perhaps I'm just projecting my fantasy on you all... Muah ha ha ha...

AkuskaUK | 6

#2149050 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:42

Ahaha!

By dreamer1015 | 0

#2148995 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:55

Were you looking at porn? Gambling?

By shad93 | 3

#2148997 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:56

........were you jacking off????

By nessaface25 | 14

#2149000 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:59

bahahahaha! what a LOSERRRR!

Rebi3144 | 8

#2149354 - Friday 4 March 2011 14:24

It is unnecessary for those extra R's. I will take them and give them back to the poor children you stole them from.

bachooka | 5

#2149464 - Friday 4 March 2011 15:41

you mean the poo_ children?