Health: Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger,...

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 000

You deserved it 30 776

Health

Mama's boy

Another great day to be alive

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 076

You deserved it 4 333

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 6 272

By freakedout - 08/08/2014 14:43 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 989

You deserved it 6 926

By skrumpp - 20/03/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 822

You deserved it 5 119

By sweetdreams - 18/09/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 1 376

Mask off

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 20:00 - India

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 169

By Noname - 22/01/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 912

You deserved it 2 518

By bennyp77 - 31/08/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 15 670

By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - 27/04/2013 20:23 - Spain - El Puig

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 569

You deserved it 3 662

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 22:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 235

You deserved it 3 009

By izzy46111 - 11/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 887

You deserved it 5 133

By motherlessbride - 27/12/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 735

You deserved it 3 364

Oh, hi grandma!

By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 299

By medstudent - 04/02/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 315

You deserved it 9 925

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, I planned a busy day of errands: cycle 16 km, pick up a thing I bought online, go to the gas station, pharmacy and 3 different shops. I’m totally exhausted now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find the energy to actually do all those things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 313

By why?! - 10/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 169

You deserved it 2 840

By WTFisMyLife - 08/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend whipped out his proverbial notebook, where he obviously keeps notes of what I do and how I act during sex, and then grilled me about every single one of those things. Now I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to be interrogated about it later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 273

By FGum - 30/07/2009 05:56 - United States

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 456

You deserved it 87 687

By prochainefois - 31/01/2014 21:05 - France - Paris

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 248

You deserved it 6 883

Sorry dad

By janess - 09/03/2021 11:00

Today, I forgot my father’s birthday. My father means the world to me, I just have a shit memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 04/12/2014 19:33 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 487

You deserved it 3 276

By notsolucky - 12/02/2011 15:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 11:11am. I was happy because I thought it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 918

You deserved it 31 226

By outagrand - 01/08/2009 14:08 - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 13 885

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 15:00

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 129

You deserved it 744

By I-love-my-tea - 09/06/2015 22:30 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 984

You deserved it 1 987

Workaholic

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 17:01

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 130

By "Mel Hahn" - 17/09/2017 16:00

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 657

You deserved it 260

By mynameisnotstupid - 18/03/2016 15:05 - Germany - Munich

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 508

You deserved it 1 351

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 813

You deserved it 37 016

By fmyjob - 02/11/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 892

You deserved it 2 329

By ks.swan13 - 22/12/2010 09:50

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 588

You deserved it 2 883

By Anna - 28/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 664

You deserved it 4 629

Turn of phrase

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 16:59 - Australia - Boya

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 876

You deserved it 3 286

By ZydecosGirl - 10/05/2013 03:11 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 986

You deserved it 8 549

Can't feel my tongue

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 17:01

Today, I was using the same metal spoon to stir boiling noodles and the pasta sauce I was heating up. I decided to taste the sauce and see if it was getting warm, forgetting that the spoon was sitting in boiling water three seconds earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 993

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 229

You deserved it 5 889

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 31/10/2021 14:59 - United States - Greenville

Today, I'm realizing that it never gets better, we just get used to life being terrible. There's no point where it all gets better, just tolerable if we're lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 191

By aireun - 09/07/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 41 966

By Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 000

You deserved it 45 386

By Lizofsmeg - 11/05/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 146

You deserved it 3 203

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Top comments

RahmEsHestos 5

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Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?

kimmi41509 10

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:03

Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?

hoedang 3

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Saturday 25 February 2012 22:58

ur an idiot lol

Justforlolz 14

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:05

*You're Think before you comment.

shanemaximo 7

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:07

At least it wasn't your penis.

silentbutfunny 0

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:16

Oh God!!! Now i have to come up with a story for my screaming

n_epic_fail 14

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:45

Link to the video or it dint happen...

juicystar777 4

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:50

that's silly ^ he must have deleted the video so his girlfriend couldn't have found it, otherwise he wouldn't have wrote he needed a cover up.

silentbutfunny 0

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Sunday 26 February 2012 0:03

^ what?

bizarre_ftw 21

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Sunday 26 February 2012 1:35

^^11 yo kid trying to understand FML

AnonymousTroll 2

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Sunday 26 February 2012 5:15

Can someone find this wonderful video? I wish to expand my trolling areas.

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Sunday 26 February 2012 5:16

v C-c-combo breaker. *edit* F*CK, damn troll messed it up. :[

hoedang 3

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Sunday 26 February 2012 21:30

lol get over YOU'RE self haha

blegehlehgleh 0

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Saturday 25 February 2012 22:58

Hang in there!

FurryRocks 10

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:09

It's derpy hooves *brohoof*

Jazzy_babe 2

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:09

I live my little pony!! I'm a PegaSIS!! :) pinkie is my favorite!! :)

FurryRocks 10

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:11

What?

FurryRocks 10

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:12

Sorry I saw something else about YouTube from you cool

Swiftly 0

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:41

I see what you did there

himoonkey 8

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Sunday 26 February 2012 0:33

Derpy swag

ZeroIce 12

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Sunday 26 February 2012 6:56

/)*( brohoof

DeathcoreDashie 11

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Sunday 17 November 2013 15:49

A brohoof to all ye fine bronies /)

RahmEsHestos 5

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Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?

chocol8m 6

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Sunday 26 February 2012 0:20

Exactly. U have a girlfriend and u are bored??

Chixken 6

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Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

Haha that's funny

TheBeastiest 6

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:00

Smooth move. Seems like you won't be pointing a finger any time soon.

HarleyJM 7

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Sunday 26 February 2012 1:03

Go away

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:35

Run. Run to the mountains up high and never come back.

TheEpicMilkMan 13

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:00

boredom strikes again!

LOLimCuteFML 0

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:17

Oh the joys of boredom :3

kimmi41509 10

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Saturday 25 February 2012 23:03

Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?

adanielle76 1

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Sunday 26 February 2012 3:18

I agree, but maybe he tried and it got stuck . Haha . Maybe it was karma from something in the past ?

adanielle76 1

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Sunday 26 February 2012 3:18

I agree, but maybe he tried and it got stuck . Haha . Maybe it was karma from something in the past ?

alexdefran 0

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Sunday 26 February 2012 13:55

I'm sorry, but you're ugly #7.

TrollBaby 8

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Sunday 26 February 2012 17:59

Wow. That was necessary.

RaquelW 7

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Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:08

...she's not. at all. dick.

kimmi41509 10

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Monday 27 August 2012 9:12

Thank you 94 and 99 for disagreeing with 92, who doesn't even have a real picture of himself on here. Call me ugly, but maybe you're too ashamed to show your face! :)