Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger,...

By Jared - 25/2/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7987

You deserved it

30713

Favorite

Health

White line fever

Time don't heal nothing

Goodbye Bill

By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 02:16 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26211

You deserved it

11256

Favorite

By magomag - 14/5/2013 04:15 - United States - Fair Lawn

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69856

You deserved it

5460

Favorite

By Kasnt - 3/10/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31397

You deserved it

8167

Favorite

By lolomg - 8/9/2011 01:22 - New Zealand

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40343

You deserved it

3033

Favorite

By nick - 12/1/2015 08:23 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35759

You deserved it

2713

Favorite

By grossfoot - 31/8/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26835

You deserved it

9387

Favorite

By SkeetinKeaton - 5/6/2013 15:24 - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58902

You deserved it

14455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2015 19:25 - United States - Wapakoneta

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28873

You deserved it

3331

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/8/2013 20:01 - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61874

You deserved it

9152

Favorite

By garage - 27/1/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27601

You deserved it

8544

Favorite

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/5/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3757

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By ugh - 15/7/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52638

You deserved it

9100

Favorite

By Anon - 28/12/2012 08:14 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15270

You deserved it

35435

Favorite

By TheGestalt97 - 20/12/2019 05:00

Late warning

Today, an email appeared in my inbox saying that the final this week that was supposed to be on Saturday has been moved forward to Thursday. It’s Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2060

You deserved it

158

Favorite

By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39246

You deserved it

3436

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7265

You deserved it

62277

Favorite

By JustCantWin - 17/10/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33365

You deserved it

3788

Favorite

By Sean - 1/5/2013 04:44 - Canada - L'assomption

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46988

You deserved it

12141

Favorite

By Scared - 8/4/2019 17:00 - United States - Pacific

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1607

You deserved it

705

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/3/2013 01:11 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39146

You deserved it

3268

Favorite

By Bambi - 12/8/2009 06:49 - United States

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20147

You deserved it

46043

Favorite

By silkworm - 24/6/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52809

You deserved it

2736

Favorite

By LunaCrow - 10/2/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32344

You deserved it

3103

Favorite

By Unlovable - 22/7/2019 04:00

Ah, puppy love…

Today, I was texting my crush. He wasn’t really into the texts because he was barely replying, until he texted back calling me "baby." I got so excited, I almost cried, until he corrected himself and said that the text wasn’t for me. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1522

You deserved it

431

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33974

You deserved it

3696

Favorite

By KillMePlease - 11/3/2015 20:15 - United States - Hicksville

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28237

You deserved it

2544

Favorite

By Purple - 6/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41251

You deserved it

2901

Favorite

By sadday - 20/11/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

I agree, your life sucks

32949

You deserved it

3979

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/7/2013 04:13 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55938

You deserved it

4409

Favorite

By Evjoel - 12/9/2016 10:52 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10131

You deserved it

753

Favorite

By mog - 7/11/2019 08:00 - United States

Office embarrassment

Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

805

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 17:47 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35773

You deserved it

11616

Favorite

By hdgyfjdzdfg - 16/4/2012 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21962

You deserved it

4881

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2018 01:30

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5129

You deserved it

294

Favorite

By oopsie - 1/5/2019 20:00

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3671

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2012 02:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28308

You deserved it

2459

Favorite

By jshi8 - 4/8/2011 14:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11816

You deserved it

79665

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40051

You deserved it

3241

Favorite

By robertsonjimmy - 14/6/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50493

You deserved it

12751

Favorite

By Rainbow92 - 19/8/2009 23:43 - Bulgaria

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53880

You deserved it

11402

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RahmEsHestos | 5

#4088993 - Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?

By kimmi41509 | 10

#4089005 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:03

Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?

Comments

By hoedang | 3

#4088987 - Saturday 25 February 2012 22:58

ur an idiot lol

Justforlolz | 13

#4089017 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:05

*You're
Think before you comment.

shanemaximo | 7

#4089023 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:07

At least it wasn't your penis.

silentbutfunny | 0

#4089048 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:16

Oh God!!!

Now i have to come up with a story for my screaming

n_epic_fail | 14

#4089115 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:45

Link to the video or it dint happen...

juicystar777 | 4

#4089125 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:50

that's silly ^ he must have deleted the video so his girlfriend couldn't have found it, otherwise he wouldn't have wrote he needed a cover up.

silentbutfunny | 0

#4089155 - Sunday 26 February 2012 0:03

^ what?

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4089482 - Sunday 26 February 2012 1:35

^^11 yo kid trying to understand FML

AnonymousTroll | 2

#4090370 - Sunday 26 February 2012 5:15

Can someone find this wonderful video? I wish to expand my trolling areas.

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4090375 - Sunday 26 February 2012 5:16

v C-c-combo breaker. *edit* F*CK, damn troll messed it up. :[

hoedang | 3

#4092980 - Sunday 26 February 2012 21:30

lol get over YOU'RE self haha

By blegehlehgleh | 0

#4088988 - Saturday 25 February 2012 22:58

Hang in there!

FurryRocks | 10

#4089026 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:09

It's derpy hooves *brohoof*

Jazzy_babe | 2

#4089027 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:09

I live my little pony!! I'm a PegaSIS!! :) pinkie is my favorite!! :)

FurryRocks | 10

#4089033 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:11

What?

FurryRocks | 10

#4089039 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:12

Sorry I saw something else about YouTube from you cool

Swiftly | 0

#4089107 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:41

I see what you did there

himoonkey | 8

#4089201 - Sunday 26 February 2012 0:33

Derpy swag

ZeroIce | 12

#4090597 - Sunday 26 February 2012 6:56

/)*(

brohoof

DeathcoreDashie | 11

#5757717 - Sunday 17 November 2013 15:49

A brohoof to all ye fine bronies /)

By RahmEsHestos | 5

#4088993 - Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?

chocol8m | 6

#4089186 - Sunday 26 February 2012 0:20

Exactly. U have a girlfriend and u are bored??

By Chixken | 6

#4088996 - Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

Haha that's funny

By TheBeastiest | 6

#4088999 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:00

Smooth move. Seems like you won't be pointing a finger any time soon.

HarleyJM | 7

#4089283 - Sunday 26 February 2012 1:03

Go away

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4098346 - Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:35

Run. Run to the mountains up high and never come back.

By TheEpicMilkMan | 13

#4089000 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:00

boredom strikes again!

LOLimCuteFML | 0

#4089051 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:17

Oh the joys of boredom :3

By kimmi41509 | 10

#4089005 - Saturday 25 February 2012 23:03

Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?

adanielle76 | 1

#4089975 - Sunday 26 February 2012 3:18

I agree, but maybe he tried and it got stuck . Haha . Maybe it was karma from something in the past ?

adanielle76 | 1

#4089977 - Sunday 26 February 2012 3:18

I agree, but maybe he tried and it got stuck . Haha . Maybe it was karma from something in the past ?

alexdefran | 0

#4091623 - Sunday 26 February 2012 13:55

I'm sorry, but you're ugly #7.

TrollBaby | 8

#4092183 - Sunday 26 February 2012 17:59

Wow. That was necessary.

RaquelW | 7

#4098070 - Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:08

...she's not. at all. dick.

kimmi41509 | 10

#4865209 - Monday 27 August 2012 9:12

Thank you 94 and 99 for disagreeing with 92, who doesn't even have a real picture of himself on here. Call me ugly, but maybe you're too ashamed to show your face! :)