Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman...

By saywhatnow - United States

Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen all day. He promptly followed that up with: "Then again, you are the only woman I've seen today, so, it can only go up from here." FML

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34370

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Miscellaneous

Age ain't nothing but a number

Where are you?

Parental guilt

By booyouwhoree - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50737

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By Anyonehiring - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12788

You deserved it

686

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By sadparty - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37999

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By stankness - United States

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34239

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48947

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By suosi - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

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25002

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By Katt - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

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12662

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By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

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29171

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By radiantum13

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

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14961

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33495

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By Kyra.45 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

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39058

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By ExtendedVacation - United States

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

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47791

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

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49633

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By mwja - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31445

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By scorned ex

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML

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23337

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my unemployed boyfriend to pick a town anywhere in the country that he thinks he can find work in. I offered to find myself a job there, find a flat, and pay for rent, bills, and food while he looks. He said I was selfish for wanting him to hurry up. It's been three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4149

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

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32029

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3222

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By catfish - United States

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25242

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

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10825

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 14:02

Mr. Robot

Today, our computer system has irretrievably broken down due to viruses. My boss is the one who refused to get new antivirus software, but he’s still blaming me because I’m the computer guy and should be able to protect us from stupidly complicated viruses, "like the hackers in the movies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1533

You deserved it

107

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By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1673

You deserved it

224

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By isoheartcaitlin - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38285

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By Betchsadface - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

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42696

You deserved it

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By car trouble - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13050

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By Anonyme - France

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

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12946

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

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51233

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By surrounded by dumbfucks - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

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32800

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

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39764

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Amarillo

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

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22543

You deserved it

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By taternuts - Canada

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27229

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31877

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By Ramis182 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35908

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48162

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50667

You deserved it

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By tclwj - 6/9/2020 23:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Kids and their wacky crazes

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my 2 daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1392

You deserved it

176

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By vickyxanne - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68709

You deserved it

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By Elise - United States

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28393

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gorebridge

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23432

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

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12430

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Top comments

By joemk2012 | 0

#688680 - Thursday 26 November 2009 5:03

Ask him if his tiny penis told him to say that.

By perdix | 29

#688581 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:45

You should have pepper-sprayed him in the eyes and kept your crown!

COMMENTS

By TheLoneWolf87 | 4

#688455 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:46

First

MikeHawke | 0

#688521 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:39

Do you spam refresh on FML just so you can get the first post?
Pretty sure you're a prime candidate for an FML story.

Also, @OP, YDI for being ugly

totalbadass | 0

#688582 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:45

YDI for having a small cock.

By Emperor_Jim | 0

#688462 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:49

At least he was honest...

CHEESYBIGMAC | 0

#688542 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:02

cant argue with that

KittehKatt | 0

#1086601 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 23:45

Well,
At least you don't know him.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#688468 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:53

Someone you don't know dissed you! Oh noes! Your life is over! You might as well go jump off a fucking overpass now.

psyx | 0

#688756 - Thursday 26 November 2009 5:59

You forgot to call her fat.

By hXcsoccerplaya | 0

#688469 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:54

sorry bro but if random guys tell you you look bad you pretty much hit rock bottom.
FLY though.

ElMundio87 | 0

#689193 - Thursday 26 November 2009 14:45

FLY my pretties, FLY

By natasha_m | 3

#688492 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:14

LOL! that's funny, not the end of the world though. He's an effing messed up stranger why would you care...

By misunderstood52 | 0

#688562 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:22

that sucks, but hey, what are you gonna do about those kinds of people?

By sydeshow | 0

#688573 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:37

I spit my drink reading that. sounds like something I'd say. lmao

By thyestes | 0

#688574 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:38

Some stranger stopped you just to insult you, FHL not yours.

By perdix | 29

#688581 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:45

You should have pepper-sprayed him in the eyes and kept your crown!

getfokinrektm8 | 9

#6616259 - Friday 27 May 2016 18:16

assault someone because they called you ugly. what a genius idea

shabadabba | 14

#6695771 - Tuesday 27 September 2016 3:01

no you'd be assaulting a guy so that you could stay the most beautiful person

By jillz | 0

#688623 - Thursday 26 November 2009 4:24

If he felt the need to stop you just to tell you that, then he wasn't a real man. FYL