Love: Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he...

By alisaav - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38196

You deserved it

13565

Favorite

Love

Proactive

Dementia or hate? You decide

Catch 22

By kaitlin - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27992

You deserved it

4343

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Smyrna

PUA

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25180

You deserved it

2208

Favorite

By Username

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27252

You deserved it

16455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 05:32 - India - Mumbai

Haircut, haircuuuut

Today, I came to the decision that I needed some variety in my life, so I decided to get a haircut. My mom insisted that she could do it and that she had experience because she cuts my dad's short hair. I had thick, long hair. Now, my hair is uneven, ugly and short. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1029

You deserved it

648

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41196

You deserved it

5882

Favorite

By Orangehead - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30228

You deserved it

3884

Favorite

By noway6000 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9547

You deserved it

94549

Favorite

By Anonymous

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3832

You deserved it

476

Favorite

By I'm a pussy, yeah yeah - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20882

You deserved it

9943

Favorite

By Thanks guys - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44937

You deserved it

4903

Favorite

By Btdtgts

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4502

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

No data for you

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

653

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By potpurri_needed - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23152

You deserved it

60808

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55518

You deserved it

4617

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46145

You deserved it

4486

Favorite

By TrainedBF - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12655

You deserved it

46763

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25701

You deserved it

58819

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27471

You deserved it

3166

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27624

You deserved it

3916

Favorite

By hunterjumper1212 - United States - San Rafael

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22201

You deserved it

2853

Favorite

By Spockx - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25266

You deserved it

2851

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30345

You deserved it

43952

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29686

You deserved it

2146

Favorite

By xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43828

You deserved it

6250

Favorite

By need sleep - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32248

You deserved it

2325

Favorite

By hamboneghost - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31209

You deserved it

8803

Favorite

By sucks - Netherlands

Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12733

You deserved it

34462

Favorite

By Addicted2FML303 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29668

You deserved it

5232

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58058

You deserved it

14771

Favorite

By whattdafuuukkkk - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25335

You deserved it

6570

Favorite

By Jim

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28315

You deserved it

4279

Favorite

By Peach

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4102

You deserved it

442

Favorite

By that's methed up, darling - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40793

You deserved it

6058

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Today, the gas company came to connect our stove for free. While here, they broke our hot water heater, shut it off, and issued us a hazard notice. We can fix it, but they won't be able to come back for another two weeks to turn the gas back on. We don't have any hot water until then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24476

You deserved it

1756

Favorite

By backstabbed - Australia

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42435

You deserved it

3084

Favorite

By thanks sis - 3/7/2020 05:02

Role model

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

330

Favorite

By dreamteam - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32314

You deserved it

12356

Favorite

By ihatemakingnames - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32127

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By Ali (New York) - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20219

You deserved it

35989

Favorite

By HotCurry - United States

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50045

You deserved it

3504

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#6031140 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:19

Let's just hope he's a vampire.

By baseballbv | 17

#6031142 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:21

Cover your mouth with your hand like you're smiling shyly. It's cute.

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6031140 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:19

Let's just hope he's a vampire.

baseballbv | 17

#6031147 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:22

Hopefully not the Edward Cullen type...

Welshite | 39

#6031151 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:25

Edward Cullen doesn't deserve to be called a vampire. He was just a long-lived carnivore with a fondness of glitter.

cakefete2 | 30

#6031154 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:27

I'd call him a fairy, but that would be degrading to Tinkerbell.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6031332 - Friday 8 August 2014 22:16

You can't really liken him to anything without insulting the other.

MrConcise | 34

#6031337 - Friday 8 August 2014 22:25

He was ashamed of his glitteriness, he didn't like it.

Let's just say he was fond of teen angst despite being ancient.

By baseballbv | 17

#6031142 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:21

Cover your mouth with your hand like you're smiling shyly. It's cute.

angeluv_2014 | 22

#6031171 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:39

Seriously! Damn girl... use some chap stick!

feven | 32

#6031276 - Friday 8 August 2014 20:37

Or just lick ur lips. That's pretty seductive

By jeffandjeff | 22

#6031143 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:21

That bites.

By hacksaw246 | 24

#6031144 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:22

Sorry Op.. But haven't people learned by now that everytime you flirt it winds up on FML

By littlekellilee | 45

#6031145 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:22

You're a damsel in distress now. I hope he came over and helped!

By Arathis | 19

#6031148 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:24

I guess that was a bloody mistake haha... I'm not British.

DogeMan | 14

#6031266 - Friday 8 August 2014 20:27

Lol ur squirtle pic like like he's a pedifile

stevothedevo | 25

#6087814 - Sunday 12 October 2014 19:54

#33 that genuinely made me laugh.. for some fucked up reason.

By cailey1234567890 | 24

#6031149 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:24

Well thats unfortunate

By tony1891 | 22

#6031152 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:25

you're a biter then huh? kinky

By demonhunter3220 | 14

#6031153 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:26

Ooohh shoulda gone with the hair flip. Less blood that way... XD

marcranger | 28

#6031199 - Friday 8 August 2014 19:25

OP would've likely managed to give herself a black eye.

By RusticChick | 27

#6031155 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:28

Ouch.. How does one bite themselves that hard when trying to be cute? Cute biting is more like a soft bite/nibble.

LowExpectations | 30

#6031161 - Friday 8 August 2014 18:33

OP was just too busy... Being delicious.

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6031371 - Friday 8 August 2014 23:09

I agree, I don't think I could draw blood if I wanted to, it would be too painful. I don't understand how she but her lip that hard just trying to be cute.