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By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 3 667

Infrastructure

By fedUPwithPEOPLE - 31/07/2014 07:35 - United States - Enterprise

Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 509

You deserved it 3 228

By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 594

You deserved it 3 293

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 01:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 9 590

By IrisKitty - 18/08/2015 07:07 - United States - Englewood

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 787

You deserved it 6 874

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 9 451

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 620

You deserved it 4 257

By rahavan - 08/11/2012 01:38 - United States - Tacoma

Today, after the fourth time telling my roommate I'm highly allergic to her scented products, I came back to find all 6 of our wall outlets using Glade plug-ins. They were set to high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 217

rahavan tells us more.

rahavan 15

Thursday 8 November 2012 21:28

Um no, I passed out and wrote this after I was forced to go to the hospital by my floors RA.

Ain't nobody got time for that

By Rawf - 18/07/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 265

You deserved it 9 966

By thesixth - 02/03/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 090

You deserved it 7 231

By katie_sadface - 15/10/2012 02:19 - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 340

You deserved it 3 014

Another Tinder Swindler

By stormblade27 - 28/01/2019 02:00

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 7 475

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 202

You deserved it 5 985

By badDriver - 28/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 734

You deserved it 14 628

By idiot - 30/10/2010 20:42 - France

Today, my son stuck coins in our DVD player. It would be cute if he wasn't 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 600

You deserved it 5 862

By in big trouble - 23/08/2014 12:28 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 404

You deserved it 26 002

Sarcasm void

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 17:32 - United States - Amherst

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 389

You deserved it 13 933

Bad Yelp review

By notsohot - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 430

You deserved it 4 361

By screwedupkid - 03/05/2012 17:45

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 552

You deserved it 4 959

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 114

You deserved it 33 509

Proofread your stuff

By Brittany - 01/03/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 084

You deserved it 56 577

The mailman

By fuckfuck - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 3 424

Long distance

By Xerfox - 20/06/2016 20:34 - Germany - Neckarsulm

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America five months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for five months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 411

You deserved it 1 926

By midnightxshadow - 23/04/2015 22:41 - United States

Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 095

You deserved it 3 222

midnightxshadow_fml tells us more.

midnightxshadow_fml 13

Friday 24 April 2015 16:21

For those of you thinking my grades must be awful, I have straight As and am a top student in my class. There are a few people I know above me, which is why I didn't expect to get an award. A girl can hope, right? When I got home, my boyfriend made me my own award so I couldn't be happier.

By SoClose - 03/02/2009 14:25 - Canada

Spicy

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 906

You deserved it 5 509

By derve - 07/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 245

You deserved it 2 181

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 057

You deserved it 8 627

Keeping it real

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 08:37 - Australia - Wilston

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 774

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 831

You deserved it 3 665

By Sean - 07/09/2013 08:22 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out my kids only remember my birthday because it's the password on the iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 638

You deserved it 5 827

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Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 688

You deserved it 63 067

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 481

You deserved it 3 885

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 082

You deserved it 69 566

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend at the mall at Victoria's Secret. We got separated, after which I saw 3 of my students. I teach middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 290

Today, I cycled to the office in my new uniform pants. When I arrived an hour later, my sweat had already soaked through them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 875

Today, I did a prank to my teacher where I screamed "ALLAHU AKBAR" and pretended to pull a weapon from my pack. I got suspended for two weeks. My dad is so pissed that he's taken time off work and is forcing me to do brutally tough house chores all day, every day, for no pay. This is too much! FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 1 672