Miscellaneous: Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some...

By gali-ma - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

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Miscellaneous

Commando

And today, on Dr Phil…

In-laws, in-fighting

By valnaj1 - Denmark - Vamdrup

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

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By buggyluv - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

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By URGH - Canada

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

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By radiationkillz - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

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By hockusa3 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

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By Granny - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

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By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Batanovci

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

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By Salzburg

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

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By WhyMe - United States - Wareham

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

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By Dezzmond68 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

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By otherdad?

Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML

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I am sorry

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

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By Anonymous - Costa Rica

Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25 and don't live with her. FML

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By Holland

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

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By TheBaconater - United States - Baraboo

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML

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By jkbeynon - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

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By lojo - United States

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

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By disguested - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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By goodbyefriend - United States - Worcester

Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Pragmatic

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

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By Eponine13

Today, I thought it would be fun to climb a tree. My older sister also thought it would be fun to set the tree on fire. FML

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By Chaznuts - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

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By chris - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

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By horny21 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

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By Stevejobs

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

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By mtorres8789 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

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By Jlipka - United States

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

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By I_dislike_Twilight - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

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By kris - United States - Upland

Today, not even a week after I was laid off from my job, I got a call from my old boss. He offered me a "new" job at the company, which turned out to be just like my old one, but with drastically reduced pay. I'm so broke and desperate that I accepted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

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By spriggs - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

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By wow - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

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Top comments

By rachb007 | 11

#6196066 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:53

Unfriend, block, therapy.

By devildog562 | 33

#6196092 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:01

Check and mate. Dad troll for the win. That's some seriously creepy stuff. First round on me .

COMMENTS

By rachb007 | 11

#6196066 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:53

Unfriend, block, therapy.

AutisticAbyss | 10

#6196104 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By yepokay | 11

#6196069 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:55

Ummm. Ewww

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6196339 - Sunday 8 February 2015 15:22

Even if it was intended as a joke, it is still disgusting and completely inappropriate.

By RenoTheRhino | 30

#6196071 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:55

Let's hope he was only referring to your friends.

elcee1987 | 18

#6196219 - Sunday 8 February 2015 9:15

Either way, this is a serious fml

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6196072 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:55

As if there weren't enough reasons to not friend your parents on Facebook... Ew!

By abraybro | 27

#6196079 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:57

That is so wrong on so many levels.

the_untouchables | 15

#6197742 - Monday 9 February 2015 21:46

Nope, just the "he's your dad" level.

By iTzSelverZz | 14

#6196081 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:57

And thats why you don't add you parents on facebook

JAR_2012 | 5

#6208330 - Saturday 21 February 2015 4:30

or make a completely different one for family only *continues to barf

By daydreamer244 | 13

#6196083 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:58

I think it's time to have a talk with your dad.

By kstephens2326 | 15

#6196084 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:58

Top reason why NOT to have the parents on Facebook.

photographer49 | 22

#6196127 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:20

I didn't realize this occured so often that it made the top reason not to have your parents as friends on facebook. I thought it was just so they don't snoop on you.

By ber4fun | 23

#6196089 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:59

Wow, hopefully he just has a different sense of humor.

By devildog562 | 33

#6196092 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:01

Check and mate. Dad troll for the win. That's some seriously creepy stuff. First round on me .