Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some...

By gali-ma - 7/2/2015 12:52 - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

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Miscellaneous

Work name

Time don't heal nothing

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By eggs - 28/2/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

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By LonelyAngel22 - 24/11/2016 08:10

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

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By Broly171 - 1/10/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I lent my parents a copy of "The Dark Knight", saying it was one of my favorite movies so they needed to watch it. A bit later my mom called... Apparently my roommate wanted to watch it as well, but couldn't find the case to his porno and decided to just use the Batman case instead. FML

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By Beegee - 21/8/2013 04:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

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By notout - 17/10/2017 15:00

Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML

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By thanks gramps - 19/4/2013 07:27 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

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By angie24w - 7/8/2018 23:30

Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML

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By TrailerTrash - 20/3/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

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By lft - 6/6/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

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By trees - 24/7/2013 16:44 - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

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By Chris - 3/4/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2017 06:00

Thanks?

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

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By Josie - 21/2/2011 07:46 - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

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By Noname - 27/1/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

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By CheeseAndCrackers - 30/4/2020 08:00

Everyone loves a weepie

Today, my always over-emotional husband burst into sobs when I thanked him for making me lunch. Apparently, I did not compliment his cooking enough. He microwaved me a Hot Pocket; it was still frozen in the middle. FML

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By Backstabber<3 - 6/3/2018 19:00

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

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By children ain't pawns - 21/11/2016 15:23 - Australia - Perth

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

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By FeelingFatastic - 5/1/2015 06:08 - United States

Today, my coworker asked me if I was on a diet for my New Year's resolution. When I said no, she replied, "Why not?" FML

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By Kara - 15/12/2011 21:43 - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML

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By gabormelchior - 23/4/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 16:22 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, after hearing the results of my spinal tap, following several scans, my doctor said discovering that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a "happy accident". FML

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By catlady - 25/8/2015 03:16 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

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By brittrod - 5/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:50 - United States

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 08:14 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2017 22:00

Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML

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By Moosh - 1/1/2010 11:12 - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

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By justsingle - 11/5/2010 08:56 - Philippines

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2019 20:00

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

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By Tired - 20/3/2013 20:26 - United States

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

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By dasbooot - 30/4/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

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By xetsa - 13/2/2010 05:23 - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

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By notacatperson - 1/3/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

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By teriyaki124 - 21/3/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

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Top comments

By rachb007 | 11

#6196066 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:53

Unfriend, block, therapy.

By devildog562 | 33

#6196092 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:01

Check and mate. Dad troll for the win. That's some seriously creepy stuff. First round on me .

Comments

By rachb007 | 11

#6196066 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:53

Unfriend, block, therapy.

AutisticAbyss | 10

#6196104 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By yepokay | 10

#6196069 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:55

Ummm. Ewww

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6196339 - Sunday 8 February 2015 15:22

Even if it was intended as a joke, it is still disgusting and completely inappropriate.

By RenoTheRhino | 30

#6196071 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:55

Let's hope he was only referring to your friends.

elcee1987 | 18

#6196219 - Sunday 8 February 2015 9:15

Either way, this is a serious fml

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6196072 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:55

As if there weren't enough reasons to not friend your parents on Facebook... Ew!

By abraybro | 27

#6196079 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:57

That is so wrong on so many levels.

the_untouchables | 15

#6197742 - Monday 9 February 2015 21:46

Nope, just the "he's your dad" level.

By iTzSelverZz | 14

#6196081 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:57

And thats why you don't add you parents on facebook

JAR_2012 | 5

#6208330 - Saturday 21 February 2015 4:30

or make a completely different one for family only *continues to barf

By daydreamer244 | 13

#6196083 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:58

I think it's time to have a talk with your dad.

By kstephens2326 | 15

#6196084 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:58

Top reason why NOT to have the parents on Facebook.

photographer49 | 22

#6196127 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:20

I didn't realize this occured so often that it made the top reason not to have your parents as friends on facebook. I thought it was just so they don't snoop on you.

By ber4fun | 23

#6196089 - Sunday 8 February 2015 5:59

Wow, hopefully he just has a different sense of humor.

By devildog562 | 33

#6196092 - Sunday 8 February 2015 6:01

Check and mate. Dad troll for the win. That's some seriously creepy stuff. First round on me .