Miscellaneous: Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and...

By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

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Miscellaneous

Minefield

FML every way you look at it

Backwards world

By IntimidatorStag - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

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26267

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By anonymus - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

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31098

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By wrongguy - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

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58862

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By disgruntled

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

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23199

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By Anonymous

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

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By shouldhaveknown - Australia

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58677

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By kdriver - Canada - Oakville

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11333

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By crizzy - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40579

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By Flaps - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

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16019

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By Zodiacfall

Precision strike

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1503

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218

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By Carrie - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

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27139

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By ugh - United States

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

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56534

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By Gagging - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30342

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By Slayer - Canada

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10534

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By Anonymous user

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1962

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2777

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

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45789

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60594

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By StormSeason - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33750

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

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45145

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

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34783

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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39576

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By Anonymous

Driven

Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML

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1542

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By Anonymous - Croatia

Family values

Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML

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1548

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By perfectlybrokenx - Canada

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

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16747

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By ohmydog - United States

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML

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32816

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 05:01 - Italy

Statistics

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

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1189

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409

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By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Happy Birthday to me

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

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739

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By carrie - Algeria

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

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24148

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By chamberpottime - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

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22118

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By handyjon - United States

Today, I unclogged a toilet. With my hand. For the second time this week. FML

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30811

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By AnonUser464 - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

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42403

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By mn167109 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34253

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By Pandy1031 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

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6179

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By dumbbb - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

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10241

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By Anonymous

Today, my fiancé accused me of cheating and broke up with me. I texted his best friend, who I've never talked to before, to see if he could talk some sense into my ex. Turns out he has several fiancées and was cheating on me since day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3452

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By Shaun - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88199

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By badhair - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

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36009

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By Hellau - France

Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35305

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By ko - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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Top comments

By footballfreak65 | 6

#5498568 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

i think you should also have her connect with your fist

By Wizardo | 33

#5498579 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:48

I think you should disconnect his penis and then the relationship. Adultery is a big no-no here.

COMMENTS

By Tavers | 19

#5498566 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

Well, that sucks.... Ok I'll shut up now.

Zen_Mei | 17

#5498653 - Sunday 19 May 2013 23:24

Please and thank you!!

AlliFaye17 | 3

#5498718 - Monday 20 May 2013 0:20

Funny XD

n4ture | 20

#5498806 - Monday 20 May 2013 0:57

shut up.

Tavers | 19

#5503971 - Thursday 23 May 2013 20:39

To be honest, I made the comment to see how many thumb downs I could get.

By footballfreak65 | 6

#5498568 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

i think you should also have her connect with your fist

xXNerrrdXx | 16

#5498906 - Monday 20 May 2013 2:06

have them both connect to your fist**

ozpunker | 20

#5498979 - Monday 20 May 2013 3:12

Repeatedly.

weezypanda420 | 22

#6447250 - Thursday 29 October 2015 0:38

Agreed!

By Wizardo | 33

#5498579 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:48

I think you should disconnect his penis and then the relationship. Adultery is a big no-no here.

silencebabyy | 23

#5498594 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

nothing92x | 13

#5498724 - Monday 20 May 2013 0:27

Someone needs a thesaurus.

perdix | 29

#5498799 - Monday 20 May 2013 0:55

#3, but it is the "currency of the realm" at some other adult dating sites. ;)

silencebabyy | 23

#5498858 - Monday 20 May 2013 1:31

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

interesting33 | 36

#5498887 - Monday 20 May 2013 1:55

I agree - I'm not sure either

sig4life | 18

#5499247 - Monday 20 May 2013 7:48

Well no matter, they are married now. Time to connect divorce papers to him, maybe even a hospital.

Wizardo | 33

#5499353 - Monday 20 May 2013 10:20

#31 I assume you are a wealthy man in the sense you have a vast accumulation of this 'currency of the realm'? *twirls moustache*

greeneyedx | 23

#6252790 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:01

Still cheating :/

By mpj13 | 8

#5498590 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:51

Double whammy. Ouch.

By NeinKittenz | 20

#5498591 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:51

Connect your husband to divorce papers.

By spunkylady | 24

#5498592 - Sunday 19 May 2013 22:53

I agree with #2... What is it with women now days thinking they're SO COOL cuz they are home wreckers...

yryilmaz | 13

#5498904 - Monday 20 May 2013 2:05

I really don't think that women think that it's "SO COOL" to home wreck...

ileenefudge | 29

#5499054 - Monday 20 May 2013 4:25

I know one that is proud to be one but she acts more like a little girl than a woman. My ex and her were made for each other since they both refuse to grow up.

SpamPam | 18

#5499094 - Monday 20 May 2013 4:50

To me it's the one who actually has a commitment to honor who takes the responsibility of "home wrecking" in these situations.

DjeePee | 24

#5499484 - Monday 20 May 2013 13:05

And to me, it's both. If you're in a relationship, you don't fuck around. Want to have sex with other people? Ignore your desire and be faithful/start only open relationships/end your monoamorous relationship, but don't ever fuck around. And if you're single, don't fuck anyone who's already taken. Have some self-respect and respect for the real partner and keep your pants closed.