The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Hutchie931 - 30/07/2016 23:24 - United Kingdom - Dudley

Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 978

You deserved it 1 707

Hutchie931 tells us more.

Hutchie931 15

Sunday 31 July 2016 19:12

Hi to continue after that fiasco the waiter was very apologetic and so was the owner and I got 15% of my bill and got recommended a Dry Cleaners that specialised in "accidental" stains so not all bad :)

By thanatophobia - 15/03/2010 00:20 - France

Today, my deranged coworker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was at his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 062

You deserved it 2 025

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 07:58 - United States

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 725

You deserved it 6 559

By dad, please - 16/05/2016 05:37 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 057

You deserved it 1 569

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 12:49

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 2 369

This is going to end well

By awkward. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 810

You deserved it 4 731

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 05:41 - United States - Spring

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 313

You deserved it 1 640

By nikkih_06 - 04/12/2014 05:20 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I got a letter in the mail from corporate saying that I'm being demoted because I don't work enough hours. I also got a text from my boss congratulating me on making the best sales numbers for November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 851

You deserved it 2 315

nikkih_06 tells us more.

nikkih_06 16

Thursday 4 December 2014 20:55

I was demoted from part time to causal part time, which requires that I work less then 20 hours a week. And I only get commission if I go over my goal.

By mr_flarpin - 22/08/2012 00:37 - United States - Stoneham

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 278

You deserved it 7 556

By oliversoden101 - 24/12/2015 14:50 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad let me fire one of his guns. This was a big deal because he rarely lets anyone so much as touch them. I was so excited, I forgot about about the recoil. Now I'm in the ER with a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 837

You deserved it 9 695

oliversoden101 tells us more.

oliversoden101 14

Friday 25 December 2015 1:50

Hi I'm the OP, I'm glad I got published that's awesome! The doctor fixed up my nose and it already feels a lot better, I think it's mostly the morphine though. Anyway I learned my lesson with guns and I doubt my dad will let me touch one again for a LONG time.

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 15:42 - Australia - Burnside

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with our crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 071

You deserved it 3 891

Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?

By dykerino - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 173

You deserved it 7 717

By kaitlintaylor - 07/11/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 657

You deserved it 5 252

Blazing Saddles

By Jen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 013

You deserved it 33 955

By Broken - 03/11/2015 18:13 - United States - Billerica

Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 592

You deserved it 1 791

Smart

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 16:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 673

You deserved it 3 223

Manchild

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 539

You deserved it 4 344

By MissedTheBoat - 14/04/2013 07:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 702

You deserved it 4 209

Bye Felicia!

By NeedMoreFriends - 03/07/2015 10:30 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 408

You deserved it 2 397

Best night out ever

By Dopeydancer - 08/09/2009 13:12 - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 232

You deserved it 13 079

By nerderer - 15/03/2015 14:57 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 928

You deserved it 3 348

Poor Neil…

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 20:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 3 352

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 059

You deserved it 4 053

By go fuck myself - 07/02/2015 00:57 - United States - Tampa

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 289

You deserved it 5 016

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 276

You deserved it 3 725

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 16:39 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 244

You deserved it 1 950

Shitty

By OnCompanyTimeToo - 02/09/2013 01:21 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 9 344

Humor bypass

By #goodbyelife - 09/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 174

You deserved it 6 239

By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 83

By Dark_Cecilia - 01/12/2015 22:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I called the cops on this guy who kept emailing me without revealing who he was. I had told him that if he emailed me again, I would call the cops, so I did. Turns out it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 070

You deserved it 2 734

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Work Miscellaneous Embarrassing Food Birthday Surprise Narcissistic parents Family Cops Pregnancy Kids Customers Annoying Love Pranks Coworkers Jealousy Accident Relatable ADHD Autism Mental health Health Gross Cute Medication Friends Mysterious Weird

The Top

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 718

You deserved it 4 054

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 984

You deserved it 15 987

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 404

You deserved it 4 315

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 244

You deserved it 245

Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 960

Today, again I wrote out another FML. Again, I deleted it before posting. Every FML I write would seem like I'm just making stuff up, or would be so obviously me that it would just cause me grief. My life is just an endless stream of weird stuff I can't tell family or friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 309