Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML
Today, I wore a new pair of white pants, feeling fancy. Halfway through the day, I discovered a ketchup stain that looked suspiciously like a heart right on the front. That explained why people kept giving me sympathetic nods as I walked by, probably thinking I'd spilled my heart on my sleeve… or my pants. FML
Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML
Today, I was running late to work so I started getting dressed and brushing my teeth. I got to work 5 minutes late, which is when noticed a toothpaste stain on my shirt. I thought it looked identical to a cum stain, and the worst part was I was wearing black, so it was noticeable. FML
Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer, so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own now has stripes. FML
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML
Today, after taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiancé had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. FML
Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML
Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML
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Top comments
ohhhhshizzz 0
I moderated this. Aw, that sucks. Can't you just tide pen it over it though?
cactus_fml 0
I think people take the phrase F my life too literally. It's not something you say only when your life is seriously ******. It's like something you say when something irritating or awkward or ironic happens, like if you waited for 30 minutes in line to get an ice cream, and then immediately dropped it, and it also happened to land on your really expensive white shoes. On a side note, when I first read this I thought it said marijuana sauce and was confused for a second. Lol, and I don't even smoke weed.
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Comments (109)
ohhhhshizzz 0
I moderated this. Aw, that sucks. Can't you just tide pen it over it though?
iHavetoPiss 0
I agree with you # 1. And besides, this FML is stupid. Not even a FML. It's a "Oh gosh, I'm stupid" moment.
fmlAllStar7274 0
agree, most FMLs lately suck
lifewithsarah 0
be nice :)
kb26hockey 0
yeah i was gonna say, tide to go gets out marinara sauce, but not highlighter?
AnaMaree 0
It's still an FML even though it's stupid.
cactus_fml 0
I think people take the phrase F my life too literally. It's not something you say only when your life is seriously ******. It's like something you say when something irritating or awkward or ironic happens, like if you waited for 30 minutes in line to get an ice cream, and then immediately dropped it, and it also happened to land on your really expensive white shoes. On a side note, when I first read this I thought it said marijuana sauce and was confused for a second. Lol, and I don't even smoke weed.
lolwut_fail 0
I read it as marijuana sauce too!
alexandruhhhhx 0
same here.. i was wondering what marijuana sauce consisted of, i wasn't sure... haha
whatacoolkid 0
dee dee deee! My children, this is an example of a FAIL!!
chelzy 0
lol. I agree with 53. not an **** my life but a FAIL my life. and btw, 53, ur sexy.
isantorin 0
and this is why you look before you grab.
Whirling_Kumquat 0
Thats what she said.
KumoFF7 3
lmao
Uh_OhLmao 0
roflmao
cumberbunny 17
#51 Not to you.
lukewarmocha 0
hahahaha sorry. but agree that it's not the end of anything..
Danieeru 0
Ugh...that totally sucks.
evanwilliams 4
How did you fit in your desk?
ohhhhshizzz 0
I'm not fat and I spill things all time, I'm just really clumsy maybe the OP is too.
evanwilliams 4
Uh thanks for the update bro, I'll file that under "don't give a shit"
isantorin 0
he's trying to say how someone can spill things without being fat like you're implying OP is. Reading comprehension, get some?
evanwilliams 4
Comprehension of sarcasm and 'taking things literally'? Get some?
blargity 0
#5 obviously they're hands were small enough to fit in there and to #10 it isn't like they deserve it because it isnt funny, asshole but i guess they could have done what #1 suggested unless they left their tide pen somewhere else
evanwilliams 4
Good thing they're[sic] hands were small enough to fit, I couldn't have figured that out without your eloquent explanation.
isantorin 0
have it, thanks for your concern. you, however, should've addressed ohhhhshizzz, not me.
evanwilliams 4
Good call.
Bumlove89 0
Wow you guys need to look up what sarcasm means.
snavula 0
#5, your idea of sarcasm is simply lame. I would assume that's why you're getting shit for it. Your snide comebacks in defense of your initial statement are kinda pathetic since you were defending a shitty comment to begin with.
Lounia_fml 8
I see what you mean. But don't take everything too literally o.O
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
I hate people who take everything too literally. (@5.) but, OP; FYL. That sucks D: maybe some white-out? xD
evanwilliams 4
I hate people who take the time to make smiley faces and frowns out of letters and punctuation.
artcgirl 0
wow. way to be a jerk
sickinlove13 0
lmfao. I was going to say something along that line. What can you expect, though? She's only 14.
TheLetterZero 7
:0 There is a surprised face made with a number and punctuation. Happy?
artcgirl 0
who's 14?
Lou_Briccant 0
:D :o :p :( :O :) :*
ryan100 0
you are stupid
stfunubcake 0
wow, as if anyone cares about the current state of your shirt. not funny, YDI
gorguz14evar 0
YDI, Sorry. But watch what your doing next time.
BabaBlackShirt 0
Wow Evanwilliams is an asshole. OP YDI for not looking.