Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24642

You deserved it

3575

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Family values

Toxic parents

By fiercehawk - 18/2/2014 05:45 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60041

You deserved it

5303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14342

You deserved it

975

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 1/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15936

You deserved it

2067

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 15:47 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36785

You deserved it

16870

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 10/6/2012 04:19 - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57735

You deserved it

3741

Tweet

Share

By nikki - 10/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26899

You deserved it

11056

Tweet

Share

By Chumpee - 8/6/2016 17:17 - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15666

You deserved it

926

Tweet

Share

By bruised_scrotum - 15/5/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54299

You deserved it

4781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 16:00

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1794

You deserved it

375

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15782

You deserved it

1075

Tweet

Share

By wtfman101 - 28/8/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54901

You deserved it

2694

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 06:00 - Australia

The devil is in the details

Today, after cancelling work, arguing with my family, scrambling to pack my bags, speeding to the airport and filling in immigration forms to fly out to have a much needed holiday, I wasn't allowed to check in. My passport has less than 6 months away from expiration on it. Yes, that's a thing, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1269

You deserved it

1140

Tweet

Share

By Scarred - 22/9/2018 12:00

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2971

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By sunkissedberries - 15/7/2010 04:12 - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42538

You deserved it

3855

Tweet

Share

By musicthief - 22/10/2012 22:51 - United States - Finleyville

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24127

You deserved it

1872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2018 01:30

he ded

Today, while on an airboat exploring the Everglades, my cousin decided it would be funny to push me off the boat. Into water full of alligators. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5001

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By mahlee - 6/10/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my college roomate and I received our first pieces of mail. We were very excited because our mailbox wasn't empty anymore. She got a package of home baked cookies in the mail from her family. I got a letter from a stranger in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41273

You deserved it

3703

Tweet

Share

By couldntholdit - 12/7/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43277

You deserved it

23892

Tweet

Share

By TaffyMichele - 13/9/2012 23:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22936

You deserved it

3763

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2016 03:42 - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17554

You deserved it

1666

Tweet

Share

By outofluckdude - 1/9/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45640

You deserved it

3610

Tweet

Share

By medik - 23/2/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29786

You deserved it

8115

Tweet

Share

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38282

You deserved it

6145

Tweet

Share

By Stiny - 1/6/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32220

You deserved it

15608

Tweet

Share

By His name is now "Cunt" in my phone - 5/4/2017 14:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5853

You deserved it

376

Tweet

Share

By Ellen - 26/2/2010 19:58 - Norway

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14404

You deserved it

30135

Tweet

Share

By picasso - 5/2/2013 13:09 - United States

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29907

You deserved it

3105

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 22:13 - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32543

You deserved it

5221

Tweet

Share

By civic4life - 17/9/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19583

You deserved it

55434

Tweet

Share

By branwen5 - 9/10/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44573

You deserved it

3815

Tweet

Share

By Richocet - 18/5/2009 00:35 - Canada

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22094

You deserved it

36227

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/6/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36114

You deserved it

4330

Tweet

Share

By Lonely - 24/11/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31484

You deserved it

3946

Tweet

Share

By unitythemene - 4/7/2019 22:00

Today, I was worried because it's July and I still haven't found a summer job, despite applying to 50 places. It was fine, because I remembered my savings account. I told my parents. Instead of being relieved, they said they're going to take the money from me for being lazy, and using it for my tuition, despite promising to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1665

You deserved it

307

Tweet

Share

By baebookboo - 4/8/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42096

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By Nikki - 30/5/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34188

You deserved it

3986

Tweet

Share

By mike h - 10/8/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37326

You deserved it

4785

Tweet

Share

By BrianP - 7/7/2009 17:00 - Netherlands

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49385

You deserved it

4021

Tweet

Share

By SwimSquid - 15/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

136274

You deserved it

8067

Tweet

Share

By Snowzies - 6/1/2010 13:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37853

You deserved it

2287

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rebelsrock | 17

#6440018 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:53

I love it when girls are affectionate

By UserOfTheMind | 24

#6440022 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:56

You don't mess with someone's sleep... ever. That shit is precious.

COMMENTS

By rebelsrock | 17

#6440018 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:53

I love it when girls are affectionate

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6440055 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:50

oh yeah, Palmela Handerson is the best gf EVAR!

p.s. I didn't know your hand had a cheek

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#6440068 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 16:23

I prefer Lindsay Lohand. She gets CRAZY if you let her.

Reply

PlasticElite17 | 6

#6440213 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 19:50

Handjalina Jolie?

By science-teacher | 14

#6440019 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:54

Sounds like she loves you a whole punch

Reply

daGun | 18

#6440275 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 22:19

Love will knock you out!

Reply

LilMissCanadian | 22

#6440379 - Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:15

Sounds like they hit it off!

By RainbowLibster | 17

#6440020 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:55

So affectionate

By UserOfTheMind | 24

#6440022 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:56

You don't mess with someone's sleep... ever. That shit is precious.

By erin55378 | 17

#6440023 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:57

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed..

Reply

MasterTron | 24

#6440356 - Wednesday 21 October 2015 0:17

Who said she woke up?

By itsme82 | 18

#6440024 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:58

I laughed so hard at this. Serves you right for messing with her.

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6440044 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:40

How exactly was he messing with her?

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6440057 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:54

you obviously don't sleep with women

By CaletheLion | 15

#6440031 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:08

Wow, I didn't know my own hand could punch me like that.

By band_geek | 18

#6440034 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:09

Hope it wasn't beacuse you weren't doing someone else in her sleep and the you in her dream wasn't whispering that to the other person in her dream state. But if she were awake when she did that, well, then!

By TreeTreeMan | 23

#6440036 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:14

That's how you know she's a keeper

By jaspinkgrl01 | 18

#6440038 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:21

She could've been frightened by the sudden noise in her ear and punched you