Miscellaneous: Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm...

By Hi, I'm Heather - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Public transport FTW

Thanks for the support

By AH - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

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By SmallAngel - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

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By Medic - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

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By Felix - Ireland

Today, my 1 month old kitten peed all over my kitchen floor. I wanted to get some water out of one of drawers and slipped on the piss. My phone shattered and i dislocated my arm. FML

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By fiftyno - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working the drive-through at McDonald's. I greeted a customer with a, "Hi, how are you doing today?" His response: "Better than you." FML

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By dontpanic - United States

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

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By unsatisfied - France

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

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By bummed out step monster - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

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By Completely Innocent - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

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By Anonymous

Driven

Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML

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By Nicky13Na

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

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By smashed - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 16:58

The virus claims another victim

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

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By DamnDominoes - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

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By notdrivinganytimesoon - United States - Richardson

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

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By sharkboy - United States - Honolulu

Shark Week

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

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By Jukka

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

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By AFGirlfriend - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

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By Anonymoose

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

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By anon - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

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By Tipless - United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

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By Fatty - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

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By stillAvirgin:( - United States

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

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By koalaburr - United States - San Francisco

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

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By bizzyizzy0121 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

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By rozsrredd - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Overijse

Today, a friend pointed out to me that my girlfriend of 5 years looks a bit like my mom. She does, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

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By Anonymous

Phones, how do they work?!

Today, a voicemail suddenly appeared in my messages. Last week I missed a call from an Unknown, no number was listed. Turns out they wanted to arrange an interview for a job I really wanted, they left a number in the voicemail telling me to call them back that day if I was interested. FML

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By Moron - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

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By Patrick - 29/10/2020 03:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Couva

What?

Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 14:01

Be the hero

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

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By sausagefingers - United States - Nixa

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

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By Please go home

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

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By Fangirl#1

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

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By skollasch - United States - Highland

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

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Top comments

By packrat | 26

#6078348 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:33

O dear... That is one excuse to be lazy I haven't heard before.

By bombielol | 20

#6078355 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:40

lol what a dumb girl.. no wonder she needs tutoring.

COMMENTS

By Riku714 | 25

#6078347 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:32

that sucks

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6078351 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:36

Too desperate for the first comment, eh?

peacheso | 31

#6078352 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:36

I'm sure there's a button for that somewhere.

Rinat_fml | 26

#6078359 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:46

FU for ruining the 1st comment!

By packrat | 26

#6078348 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:33

O dear... That is one excuse to be lazy I haven't heard before.

sayyestothedress | 24

#6078468 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 13:04

That's a first

justtheotherguy | 12

#6078537 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 15:25

Maybe she actually broke your name down : HEATHER = HEAT her

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6078709 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 20:58

Did you happen to tutor her cousin who tried selling weed for pesos?...

orbit | 22

#6078724 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 21:22

Succeed* in selling weed for pesos.

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6079080 - Thursday 2 October 2014 8:33

succeeded**

By bombielol | 20

#6078355 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:40

lol what a dumb girl.. no wonder she needs tutoring.

By Jenniesaurus | 14

#6078360 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:48

That's absolutely ridiculous. How can she get out of tutoring just because of that? My tutor for maths was called Mrs Ramsbottom, couldn't tell the school I didn't like HER name!

foxwasalamb | 24

#6078742 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 22:06

i had a teacher, mrs heine. which was pronounced "hiney"

PoisonOrchid | 21

#6078963 - Thursday 2 October 2014 4:40

9th grade geometry...Mr. Jack Hoffman.

By cocacola999 | 27

#6078361 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:48

Maybe you should be glad you don't have to tutor her.. I can't imagine the actual level of stupid there.

By xlord | 27

#6078365 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:49

Change your name to
#3P!cTuT0R453
I'm sure that would interest all these internet savvy young ins.

mccrightp | 29

#6078951 - Thursday 2 October 2014 4:18

And it's pronounced Smyth-Westcot.

By ssjfml | 12

#6078371 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 11:02

Maybe Heather means something terrible in Spanish?

BSnapZ | 21

#6078503 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 14:12

#12 A quick trip to Google could have answered that question for you.

brand125 | 17

#6078689 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 20:44

not to mention if the person needed tutoring in thay area they probably wouldnt know if it was

speckledots | 29

#6078753 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 22:32

There are a lot of meanings for Heather. it's a color, a flower, a medication. it comes no where near offensive.

MaxCrack | 2

#6078861 - Thursday 2 October 2014 1:15

I got that it was joke anyway.

By worldclassrager | 39

#6078372 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 11:04

Couldn't she just call you Ms. [insert last name here]

Unless that's not her forte either

worldclassrager | 39

#6078655 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 19:41

I know but with a name dislike it seems like a working antidote

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#6078407 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 11:40

Well looks like that girl is places, not college, but places...

cinskeep43 | 15

#6078498 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 14:05

I would hope she is not a college....

skittle_QUEEN_YO | 15

#6079798 - Friday 3 October 2014 10:23

Being a college isnt easy, so many people inside you...(shivers)

By Mirorbo | 26

#6078418 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 11:50

Maybe she's one of those idiots that thinks that because you don't have a Spanish sounding name, you're not qualifies to tutor her.

Mirorbo | 26

#6078436 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 12:09

And of course leave it to my tired self to typo and not notice until it's to late. *qualified

Mirorbo | 26

#6078437 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 12:12

Fucking hell! *too
I quit!

Toolishing | 22

#6078451 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 12:37

Oh well!

Steffi | 26

#6078515 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 14:51

Hmmm, maybe