Love: Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at... - FML

21/07/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 3 359

Broken heart

Leave us alone

Are you sure you're OK?

Pentaxed

By sonja_n - 10/10/2019 23:00 - Australia - Kew

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 518

12/02/2011 16:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 178

You deserved it 3 512

12/09/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 898

You deserved it 5 567

30/08/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 738

You deserved it 44 124

20/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 152

You deserved it 7 557

29/04/2015 02:43 - United States - Austin

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 816

You deserved it 2 661

29/03/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 498

You deserved it 401

Bladdered

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 14:31 - India - Delhi

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 1 233

18/02/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 609

You deserved it 5 775

16/01/2012 00:36 - Canada

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 618

You deserved it 41 325

30/06/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 581

You deserved it 8 169

06/06/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 134

You deserved it 22 985

31/07/2019 02:00

Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 269

Work sucks, I know

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 14:01 - United States - Keene

Today, I had to go hands-on at work while choking on mace with a man who was mentally disturbed, and it could have been avoided if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance and instead let the guy come to grips with his situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 67

24/12/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 648

You deserved it 7 952

22/08/2009 04:43 - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 033

You deserved it 2 981

27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 316

You deserved it 6 932

I am the law

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 06:03

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 342

You go Glenn Coco!

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 17:07

Spicy

Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less than 2 inches in, and then got angry I was taking so long to cum. I thought I was the drama queen in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 286

25/01/2017 16:00

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 263

You deserved it 214

31/07/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 341

You deserved it 39 403

12/11/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 962

You deserved it 5 537

30/08/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 636

You deserved it 6 666

27/08/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 5 399

27/05/2012 08:00 - United States - Astoria

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 701

You deserved it 2 697

08/04/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 765

You deserved it 22 635

07/02/2011 19:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 849

You deserved it 4 698

03/09/2012 17:16 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 338

You deserved it 32 948

Snow day

By doggie_doo_face - 06/02/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 024

You deserved it 9 671

14/12/2018 17:30

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 214

28/06/2009 07:54 - United States

Today, it was my first big time art show. To celebrate I went out to lunch with some people who's work was also there. When we got back police were every where. Someone had broken and stolen all of the art. All except mine. Even burglars don't want my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 5 282

03/08/2014 15:13 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 49 046

You deserved it 6 436

28/05/2016 08:44 - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 360

You deserved it 1 010

Look where you're going

By flicmybicgrl - 23/09/2020 08:01

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 315

05/02/2011 17:22 - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 866

You deserved it 37 403

Bean.

By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/03/2017 12:00

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 288

You deserved it 1 023

02/07/2015 04:49 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 196

You deserved it 10 123

10/05/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 135

You deserved it 53 446

07/07/2015 03:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 420

You deserved it 2 969

17/10/2011 11:46 - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 023

You deserved it 3 324

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Top comments

McMeh 9

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:43

Jeez dude. What did you send her?

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:45

That's terrible, I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than a one sided love, though. Take heart in knowing there was nothing left to say to each other, and I hope you find someone who you'll never stop having exciting things to say to.

Comments

McMeh 9

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:43

Jeez dude. What did you send her?

gte225 11

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 20:05

A duck pic?

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 20:12

Him smoking quack?

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 20:33

Couldnt he have just asked about her favourite program or something?!

UH60 26

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 22:09

OP pheasant expecting that I bet.

crazyindynathan 13

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 2:25

Definitely a dick pic...

thefmlman2011 35

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 8:25

and the joke goes over his head!

TroyAllen2995 13

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:44

Damn, sorry dude. Hopefully you guys can rekindle the relationship.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:52

In a real relationship, you will always have something to talk about. You enjoy just being in the other person's presence...just the interactions alone warm you with love and belonging. The same goes for the silent moments together. If you run out of anything, it just means that the emotions were not that strong to begin with.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 22:49

#9, what fairy tale are you living in and how do I move there?

FlawlessFlame 7

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 17:12

#9 I feel the same way in real life, but when texting that feeling isn't as strong, and you can't just be silent because then you're not texting. When you're with them in real life, you can be silent and just enjoy the presence of your significant other, but you can't quite do that while texting which is why people often have difficulty finding things to text about.

demonte_jones 19

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:45

If she breaks up with you for not texting, you're better off single.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 19:24

Breaks up with him for NOT texting? Uhh, I think you understood this FML wrong.

timnealprice 11

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 23:55

you're quite the ladies man...

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:45

Someone being your special other doesn't mean you can offend them. If that's what you've done.

DaRito 25

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 19:38

Dude I see your comments everywhere

MyNameIsLaughter 18

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 20:11

A point ^^Here you go, think you were missing this

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:45

That's terrible, I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than a one sided love, though. Take heart in knowing there was nothing left to say to each other, and I hope you find someone who you'll never stop having exciting things to say to.

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 July 2015 19:18

That doesn't sound one-sided to me. Sounds like they mutually felt the relationship had dried and it was time to pack up and move on.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 21:35

True 5, and op at least you weren't a jerk and you tried. Better luck next time.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:45

Maybe it was for the best if there was nothing to discuss. Don't worry, OP. You'll find someone who you'll bond with a bit better. :)

Brandi_Faith 33

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 19:41

I agree. I think it's best you two broke up. If the relationship was going well then you'd have something to talk about and would be dying to speak to her and see her as much as possible. I hope you find a relationship where you're both so in love that you never want to be apart. Where you always want to share every part of your day and find out how theirs was. Where you can sit together in comfortable silence and still want to be together, even if you're both reading and not talking, but just want that shoulder to shoulder time. That's the kind of relationship you really want to be in!

metalhead4740 14

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 19:48

^relationship goals right here

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:45

What the hell did you talk about?

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 22:25

Probably something offensive. It could also be that the girlfriend wanted to break up before the phone call and the call was the catalyst.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:48

well it's a good thing you two broke up, seems you two aren't quite meant for each other.

chocolatelover96 14

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:53

How the hell did you manage that? o_0

Econforthwin 15

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 18:54

Can we get a follow up on you sent her? Cuz I can't tell if I blame you or not.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 22:52

This FML needs a follow-up more desperately than any other FML I've ever read. Or, uhh, something a bit less dramatic. OP, we're all really interested to know what happened in that conversation! edit: and knowing whether to blame you or not is not the reason...

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 335

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 69