Miscellaneous: Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML - FML

By macguy - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

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Vulture

Season finale

Woohoo, party time!

By FianceFlaw?

Today, I went to the courthouse to apply for my marriage license and had my mother tag along with me. When I asked one of five security guards where to go, my mom looked at him and said,"You’re suppose to talk her out of it." Thanks, Mom. FML

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By waaah - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

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By likesboys - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

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By haha247 - United States

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

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By Teste - Spain

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

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By Gem - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

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By jealouspussy - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

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By unlovedd - United States

Today, I suggested that my mother download Skype so we could video chat while I'm studying in London over the summer. After I had explained how it worked and that it was free, she said "Well...you'll only be gone for a few months. It's not really worth it." FML

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By goodbye cruel world - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

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By bitten - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

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By now what - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

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By Timeless - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

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By bob - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

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By mylifereallysuks - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

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By Anonymous

The student becomes the master

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

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By IloveJapan - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

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By Serire - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Caught

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

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By Sharon - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML

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By MakeMeASandwich - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

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By WeighYourWords - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

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By Overlord247 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Northampton

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

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By TayTay - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

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By Sucker

* facepalm *

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

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By chrono64 - United States

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Regina

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

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By nerp - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

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By Lifes_a_bust - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

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By you can't win

A Lose-Lose Situation

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

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By Coolios - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

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By theynamedmeluke - United States - Austin

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

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Top comments

By FrozenMusic | 26

#6704580 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:34

I bet you're not lovin' it

By J352SAURUS | 30

#6704577 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:25

Well that's not a very happy meal. What a McJerk. People will steal anything, I swear. Sorry about that OP.

COMMENTS

By noamoa9 | 20

#6704572 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:10

desperate times call for desperate measures

Reply

nonsensical | 26

#6704609 - Friday 21 October 2016 14:08

Yeah you've got to be desperate to steal some McDonald's, of all things.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#6704574 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:15

Hungry people gotta eat.

Reply

cuz803 | 41

#6704810 - Saturday 22 October 2016 1:13

stealing ain't the right way to get it

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6709172 - Friday 4 November 2016 5:46

Sounds like they were desperate.

By fit_girl_swag | 12

#6704576 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:24

At least they only took your Big Mac! I'd consider that a pretty damn good day haha

Reply

syki | 22

#6704660 - Friday 21 October 2016 16:27

Could've been worse. Could've been a McGangbang.

Reply

Dilexar | 26

#6704847 - Saturday 22 October 2016 4:19

i love how this reply got more likes than the original comment XD

Reply

132ikl | 11

#6706607 - Thursday 27 October 2016 5:26

ecks dee!

By J352SAURUS | 30

#6704577 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:25

Well that's not a very happy meal. What a McJerk. People will steal anything, I swear. Sorry about that OP.

By FrozenMusic | 26

#6704580 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:34

I bet you're not lovin' it

Reply

Deadpixelator | 10

#6704951 - Saturday 22 October 2016 15:32

Haha

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6704581 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:40

The Hamburglar strikes again.

By RichardPencil | 30

#6704602 - Friday 21 October 2016 13:52

Lettuce assume you were pretty cheesed about that! May the culprit gets taken away in the pattie wagon to jail where he gets pickles and special sauce between his bums!

Reply

Stripez234 | 16

#6704797 - Saturday 22 October 2016 0:11

Between his what? Please tell me, the suspense is killing me!

Reply

voncrane | 23

#6704891 - Saturday 22 October 2016 9:41

Buns

By Cow_Girl_Lilly | 24

#6704603 - Friday 21 October 2016 13:53

I would mug someone for their Big Mac..... Sorry bud

By Soninuva | 41

#6704604 - Friday 21 October 2016 13:56

The Hamburglar is at at it again!

By cuz803 | 41

#6704617 - Friday 21 October 2016 14:18

What a Mcasshole