Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML - FML

By macguy - 20/10/2016 14:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

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Messed up

Workaholic

Great guy

By Elcam - 16/10/2013 08:22 - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

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By Ihatemyfamily - 5/9/2016 21:46 - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 23:01 - United States - Norwich

Big tongue logging on

Today, I spent seven dollars to find out I’m allergic to kiwi. FML

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By not living happily ever after - 2/12/2014 17:02 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

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By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/8/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

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By jodafish - 8/11/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

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By sandy - 17/3/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

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By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Oh, hi grandma!

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 18:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

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By __shirtless__ - 10/12/2016 03:09

Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

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By synn - 24/2/2010 05:19 - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

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By DesperateMother - 28/6/2016 10:12 - France - Wasselonne

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2014 19:48 - United States - Maryville

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

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By preggo - 4/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2013 22:38 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

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By baebookboo - 4/8/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

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By RyanSmithN - 15/1/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

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By traumatizedforlife - 5/8/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 18:17 - United States - South Amboy

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

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By darn it. - 20/2/2009 16:16 - United States

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

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By oh, good - 15/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Poor Mickey

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

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By Imaginary girlfriend - 21/9/2009 04:16 - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

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By Peel - 13/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

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By CollegeChef - 21/1/2013 06:03 - Australia

Today, months into supporting my mum with her part time cleaning job by cooking dinner for my large family after university, I found out that she doesn't actually have a job, she just leaves the house for a few hours because she doesn't want to cook dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2014 19:49 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2015 20:24 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

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By unknown - 2/11/2013 21:10 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

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By Gay younger brother - 30/6/2018 01:30

About that...

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

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By tryfailtryget11 - 5/9/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

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By crazycutie1027 - 14/2/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2016 21:11 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

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By nekkiddrunk - 14/1/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

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By anonymous - 4/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

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By whatever - 9/8/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

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By jason - 24/4/2009 13:24 - United States

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

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Top comments

By FrozenMusic | 26

#6704580 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:34

I bet you're not lovin' it

By J352SAURUS | 30

#6704577 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:25

Well that's not a very happy meal. What a McJerk. People will steal anything, I swear. Sorry about that OP.

COMMENTS

By noamoa9 | 20

#6704572 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:10

desperate times call for desperate measures

Reply

nonsensical | 26

#6704609 - Friday 21 October 2016 14:08

Yeah you've got to be desperate to steal some McDonald's, of all things.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#6704574 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:15

Hungry people gotta eat.

Reply

cuz803 | 31

#6704810 - Saturday 22 October 2016 1:13

stealing ain't the right way to get it

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6709172 - Friday 4 November 2016 5:46

Sounds like they were desperate.

By fit_girl_swag | 12

#6704576 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:24

At least they only took your Big Mac! I'd consider that a pretty damn good day haha

Reply

syki | 22

#6704660 - Friday 21 October 2016 16:27

Could've been worse. Could've been a McGangbang.

Reply

Dilexar | 26

#6704847 - Saturday 22 October 2016 4:19

i love how this reply got more likes than the original comment XD

Reply

132ikl | 11

#6706607 - Thursday 27 October 2016 5:26

ecks dee!

By J352SAURUS | 30

#6704577 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:25

Well that's not a very happy meal. What a McJerk. People will steal anything, I swear. Sorry about that OP.

By FrozenMusic | 26

#6704580 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:34

I bet you're not lovin' it

Reply

Deadpixelator | 10

#6704951 - Saturday 22 October 2016 15:32

Haha

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6704581 - Friday 21 October 2016 12:40

The Hamburglar strikes again.

By RichardPencil | 28

#6704602 - Friday 21 October 2016 13:52

Lettuce assume you were pretty cheesed about that! May the culprit gets taken away in the pattie wagon to jail where he gets pickles and special sauce between his bums!

Reply

Stripez234 | 16

#6704797 - Saturday 22 October 2016 0:11

Between his what? Please tell me, the suspense is killing me!

Reply

voncrane | 23

#6704891 - Saturday 22 October 2016 9:41

Buns

By Cow_Girl_Lilly | 24

#6704603 - Friday 21 October 2016 13:53

I would mug someone for their Big Mac..... Sorry bud

By Soninuva | 41

#6704604 - Friday 21 October 2016 13:56

The Hamburglar is at at it again!

By cuz803 | 31

#6704617 - Friday 21 October 2016 14:18

What a Mcasshole